Family problems

[Toblerone]

I just need some help - I have nowhere left to go now, it's come to asking strangers on the internet, but I'm literally stuck.

My mum.

She's so so controlling. I'm 21 years old, at a university just over 1 hour from my hometown. I've started dating a guy (We'll call him K) who is really fantastic. He's everything I've ever wanted, but my mother hates him beyond words and, when I'm home, does everything in her power to stop me seeing him. We're from the same town, so meeting up isn't hard - but I get grief if I dare.

When I first went to uni, I had another boyfriend who, after we tried to make long distance work, I broke up with in the third term. My mum idolises this guy (We'll call him R) as the perfect man, the perfect husband, and keeps trying to force us back together. She can't get her head around the idea that both of us have moved on and found other people (I even have suspicions he cheated on me - no proof).

So, she demonises K. Tells me he's ugly, any hint that we've been together makes her fly off the handle, and the advice everyone gives me (counciling, friends, other family) is to sit her down and talk to her. But she's so stubbon it gets nowhere, and ends with her shouting and me crying.

So what can I do? I'm too old to be bullied like this, but since I can't afford to move out (I do have a job, but part time min wage to pay for uni) I'm stuck going through hell every day just for being with somebody she hasn't approved...

[makingachoice]

I would try to stick it out with your boyfriend. One day she will have to come around to the fact that you're together, so if you stay strong for you, and for him, she will come around. She has to. If you give up now, then she'll give you the whole "told you so" speech.

I know she's your mother, and I understand being protective of their children, but it seems like from your post that she takes it too far. If he is everything you've ever wanted as you say, "fight for this love" as the song goes :), she will come around, just give it time. Walk away when you feel tempers starting to flare.

Stay strong :)

[Toblerone]

Thank you. I really do need someone to tell me this once in a while. I sometimes wonder if I'm the one being irrational, but I guess since I'm not going to break up with him over this it's just something I'm going to have to deal with.

I love that song :3

[Tony]

mothers bless them but your mum needs to let you make your own choices in life
she can have an opinion but she really needs to back off and let you find your own two feet in the relationship side of things.

go with your heart just let your mum know that you are old enough to make your own decisions.

she will come around the day she sees that you are really happy

I would just say 'mum you want to argue on this I dont' and just walk away from her don't get upset, don't say a word.

[**Sapphire**]

Welcome to ATLF, glad that you joined us here. :)

I agree with what has been said before me. You are old enough to make your own decisions. I would try talking to your mom in a calm way about it. Ask her why she doesn't like our current boyfriend.

Tell her how he's good to you etc..

[Toblerone]

Thanks guys... I know it's going to be hard, I've just got to stick with it...