Anger, envy, broken heart, upset

[Rockchick]

"Hey I feel strong anger and envy towards my older sister but I don't want to tell her or my family. It could relate to the Noel issue I mentioned on this and the sex forum. These are my thoughts: She is more inteligent than, she lovest to spoke pot daily and belives that it has great advantages and effects on people but wants me not to take it coz my brain is slightly damaged, "Noel loves hanging out with Kim my older sister but not me no!, "My sister is cooler and more fun than me, shes one of the lads, she fits in with them, she tells me to let go and move on and work myself only around peoples time not mine, I should see them only when it suits them even if it doesn't suit me, she wanted to be a career like me, now she wants to be a social worker like me and feels she has good qualificatons. She is brilliant at philosophy, maths, english, politics and I am not making this up and her brain isn't damaged. She done very well in school and colledge, she lives in Dublin in my uncles house since 2 years ago and can stay there as long as she wants, she has had the experience of renting once in dublin and twise in Sligo but I only did it once with my ex boyfriend despite what my mum wanted or approved of but I loved it and now I am living in my mums house again and it freaks her out when I stay in a males house, read sexual literature and tips and send my lovers erotic texts back and fourth, is against masturbation but not intercourse in a loving commited serious longe - term relationship, if I tried casual sex even once while being precautious just for the fun experience she would see me as a slut, prostitute, tart, easy, abusing my body, havind self disrespect, dirty, disrespect for her, I am a stranger to her, I am not like her daughter, is extremely criticial and fussy of my boyfriends and if they meet a nice boy or they meet a nice boy that is my friend, mum says whats wrong with him?, he's a nice lad, he would treat you very well, he is kute, he's alot better than the one you are seeing now, I don't like him, he is not mischievious, there is nothing fun about him, he's too loud, he's too quite, she worries about me when I say I will be back late and sometimes waits for me to come home, she is extremely judgemental of my friends as well and their ages even if they are very nice and safe people to be around and make me feel good in myself, Kim doesn't have this much of a problem with her friends or going out just pot and wondering where she is when she goes out the door and doesn't text her then mum gets angry with her, bitches about her to her family, me and my younger sister and worries alot about her but ignores the situation whereas I get yelled at but I do text her and say where I am going but am more discrete about who I am hanging out with or with now because I want to avoid questions, negative comments, debates and interegrations or tense confrontations. I am 22 and kim is 24. wb

[Tony]

you know as I think about your post
mothers want the best for us no matter if one is 22 or 32
I honestly think you mother needs to let you run your own life and have some faith in your own judgment
sounds to me like she is trying to run your life for you that is not fair on you at all
I can understand that your mother is trying to protect you but she really needs to let you experience things for yourself.

you mother needs to wake up you are quiet capable of making the decision's yourself
some times mothers over do things and I think that this is the case here maybe have a chat with her just let her know that you would like to be in control of your own life

[**Sapphire**]

I would agree with Tony. It seems that your mom is being a little bit controlling, talk to her, let her know you are 22 & you should be able to make your own decisions.

Even if the decision turns out to be a bad 1, you can at least know you made the judgement call & you can learn from it too.

[Rockchick]

I suggest you evaluate over my story please just incase you got it wrong. I stayed the night in my friends place who is 40 or a bit, told her was going to spend time with him and I asked him to stay the night because I was upset about my ex boyfriend at the time and really missed him and wanted to be with him and my friend knows him so he let me stay the night and we kind of cuddled clothed in his bed but I had to leave my underwear on me coz I had no jammies and I was really hot, told mum would be home later, next morning the gardai appeared at his door looking for me coz mum was looking for me but we didn't know how they gardai knew I was there and they constantly were lecturing me and saying your mum is right, you should tell her where you are all times and who are with and the history of the people you are with and she is right to judge, "Cop on, you shouldn't have been in that old mans house. The man is a good friend of mine and he hung out and provided for my ex boyfriend and I and he asked him to look after me, keep me happy and spend time with me and give me lifts. He is on my old training course. I wanted the gardai to shut up. That was so embarrassing. I can't make good mature friends who are female or in their 20s because they aren't interested in hanging out with me and alot want to get drunk or get stoned. I spoke to my mother numerious times about it but it doesn't sink in and she says "Ok fine, I won't worry about you anymore, I'l let you do your own thing but don't come crying to me when things go wrong because I warned you, "You would have been dead if it wasn't for me but thanks to me you are alive and there was 50% chance of you dying as a child and I just want to protect you and for all my daughters to be happy. "i am scared you will fail, i am scared people will see your vulnerabilities, I'm afraid you will set your standards to high and end up disappointed or you will fall, I'm afraid you will get another broken heart, I am afraid you will be taking advantage of, you aren't street wise, you can't trust everyone , they are alot of bad people or evil people out there and what if you get kidnapped or murdered or raped, you need to open up to reality, I hardly get to see you coz you are never at home, you are doing too much I can't keep up with what you are doing, I whish you would tell me everything I am your mother and you need help but you won't admit it. Mum told me one time that special needs adults, thats me - aren't alowed to have sex and she told me a few or more times that she will get a lawyer and the lawyer will say I need caring for because I am special needs individual and I am not mature enough to live independantly or have sex and I will win the case because you are my daughter and you have special needs. My mother said all that. What you think???. Any comments on my sister Kim???. I believe that most of the time I don't need help but when I do I seek proffessional advise and my mums if it's not in the sex or relationship catergory. I love being responsible and independant, I want to own my own wages, Feed myself but need more training in that area, see gp solo, chose my friends and partners, be a part of a club or few clubs, read any book I want without critical remarks on my taste or the topic, dive into erotic novels, masturbathe, improve myself and my relationships, watch soft porn at weekwends, daydream, research various things in life, explore life, be adventuious and take more risks to feel alive and free, go the parties, stay over in a friends place, go to music gigs at night, go to a music festival, travel, get my own place,spend two nights on my own in a B&B, explore more of my sexual and passionate and spiritual side. I have a motor delay which is the messages from head travel slower to my body to instruct them and I may be Dyspraxic. I am very sensitive so can very easily get hurt, want people to like me and want to hang out with me and in the future I want a sexy, kind, attractive, adventurious, considerate honest hotty as my partner but is that possible, to get a man who isn't a player and a nice guy with those charcteristics? wb

[**Sapphire**]

I would suggest you start using PARAGRAPHS so that we can better understand you threads Rockchick.

[Rockchick]

I stayed the night in my friends place who is 40 or a bit, told her was going to spend time with him and I asked him to stay the night because I was upset about my ex boyfriend at the time and really missed him and wanted to be with him and my friend knows him so he let me stay the night and we kind of cuddled clothed in his bed but I had to leave my underwear on me coz I had no jammies and I was really hot, told mum would be home later, next morning the gardai appeared at his door looking for me coz mum was looking for me but we didn't know how they gardai knew I was there and they constantly were lecturing me and saying your mum is right, you should tell her where you are all times and who are with and the history of the people you are with and she is right to judge, "Cop on, you shouldn't have been in that old mans house.

The man is a good friend of mine and he hung out and provided for my ex boyfriend and I and he asked him to look after me, keep me happy and spend time with me and give me lifts. He is on my old training course.
I wanted the gardai to shut up. That was so embarrassing.

I can't make good mature friends who are female or in their 20s because they aren't interested in hanging out with me and alot want to get drunk or get stoned.

I spoke to my mother numerious times about it but it doesn't sink in and she says "Ok fine, I won't worry about you anymore, I'l let you do your own thing but don't come crying to me when things go wrong because I warned you, "You would have been dead if it wasn't for me but thanks to me you are alive and there was 50% chance of you dying as a child and I just want to protect you and for all my daughters to be happy. "i am scared you will fail, i am scared people will see your vulnerabilities, I'm afraid you will set your standards to high and end up disappointed or you will fall, I'm afraid you will get another broken heart, I am afraid you will be taking advantage of, you aren't street wise, you can't trust everyone , they are alot of bad people or evil people out there and what if you get kidnapped or murdered or raped, you need to open up to reality, I hardly get to see you coz you are never at home, you are doing too much I can't keep up with what you are doing, I whish you would tell me everything I am your mother and you need help but you won't admit it.

Mum told me one time that special needs adults, thats me - aren't alowed to have sex and she told me a few or more times that she will get a lawyer and the lawyer will say I need caring for because I am special needs individual and I am not mature enough to live independantly or have sex and I will win the case because you are my daughter and you have special needs. My mother said all that.

What you think???. Any comments on my sister Kim???. I believe that most of the time I don't need help but when I do I seek proffessional advise and my mums if it's not in the sex or relationship catergory.

I love being responsible and independant, I want to own my own wages, Feed myself but need more training in that area, see gp solo, chose my friends and partners, be a part of a club or few clubs, read any book I want without critical remarks on my taste or the topic, dive into erotic novels, masturbathe, improve myself and my relationships, watch soft porn at weekwends, daydream, research various things in life, explore life, be adventuious and take more risks to feel alive and free, go the parties, stay over in a friends place, go to music gigs at night, go to a music festival, travel, get my own place,spend two nights on my own in a B&B, explore more of my sexual and passionate and spiritual side.

I have a motor delay which is the messages from head travel slower to my body to instruct them and I may be Dyspraxic. I am very sensitive so can very easily get hurt, want people to like me and want to hang out with me and in the future I want a sexy, kind, attractive, adventurious, considerate honest hotty as my partner but is that possible, to get a man who isn't a player and a nice guy with those charcteristics? wb