my wife say's she does not love me anymore.

[supernoob]

hello, i am a stay at home dad due to medical reasons(i grow tumors in my right foot), my wife is a asst.manager of her company, so she is the bread winner in ther family, we also have 2 daughters(4&1). we are going on 5 yrs of marriage. i just appraoched her monday night (5-14-07), about why she is staying out late and not coming home and about us, then she told me the unthinkable, she said that she kinda loves me, but she does not love me in the way of holding hands and kissing and sex. she says that she is not looking for for another mate and thinks she does not want one right now. now i know i have not been the best housekeeper cuz i have my views about when the house should be clean and she has said we have nothing in common but i know this is wrong. (sry i'm just jumbling whats in my mind right now), but i have been smoking alot more now and eating way less than i usually do. i have sent her a dozen roses and a card about how much i love her, i have told her that i love her and i sorry, i have change the way i clean the house, the house has been clean for a week now, and i have taken her out, and doing little things to express my love and that i am sorry. at the time when approached our discussion on monday she was not wearing my wedding rings i gave her, she said her hands were ichy, she has since then put her rings back on, she has addressed that she does not want to conseling. she told me that she does not love me in the affaction way, (no hugging kissing or sex anymore). we have household arragements that i think , no i know would affect her if we seperated, and she is afraid of our kids, she thinks if i'm home atleast the kids will have there father. i love my kids and i attend there needs but right now i'm concerned about keeping my marriage cuz i still love my wife. i am also confused because i hold her at night now and she says it is nice, but she does not show it ( as in holding my arm or anything) and if i hold her to close she moves away. i have to ask her for a hug or a kiss anymore. i am scared right now that i am losing my marrige and i will be back at my mom's house and i 27 yrs. old and i have no trait to get back on my feet. i pray now and i hope that my wife will come to love me again, but i feel that it is a lost hope bcuz i do know my wife atleast i think i do. i am just curious what you think? is my marriage lost or should i stick in there?

[aussiecoffee007]

first of all, welcome to ATLF supernoob. i like the name too :)

im sure one of our many wonderful members will get back to you on this one, but as for me, i have to think. saying one way or another is pretty huge adn will affect the rest of your life...
does she say why she doesnt want to do counseling? or why she just stopped loving you romantically? when did this start? has she said she wants to separate?

[Tuxie]

Yes, welcome to ATLF supernoob. :) I hope you will find this a friendly place to vent, get advice, and possibly give advice also.

Sorry, but i couldn't help but think as I read your post.. "What part (if any) does your medical condition play in your wife pulling away from you?" Did you notice a change in her about the time you were dianosed? Has it always been this way?

One positive about your relationship (it's important to try to find the positive in everything), you guys are at least talking somewhat. I'm still somewhat curious on why she is gone so long after work though.

About whether you should work on it, or let it go... I/we can't answer that for you. You hafta do what is best for you. Notice, I didn't say what is best for the kids. I was stuck in that 'funk' for awhile. I went through a divorce with kids involved also. Just keep in mind, a love relationship requires two people in order to work. If one wants it, and the other doesn't, then it won't be successful.

Like aussie said, there will be more replies later. I wish the best for you and your situation.

P.S. - Could you give us some more infomation about your tumor situation? Is it something that's inoperable? What kind of mobility do you have (walking, wheelchair)?

[Riggs]

Aw, people should put some thought in for better or worse when they get married.

[lisa843]

I agree..too many people give up way too easy!! When the going gets ruff they get going instead of sticking it out...Aw, people should put some thought in for better or worse when they get married.

[4evertommysgirl]

Im so sorry to hear that, all i can say to you is that if your wife cannot love you the same way you feel for her, you can do nothing about that but to accept it, I doubt ( this is only a doubt) she might have a new man in her life because I dont think of any reason of why shes removing your wedding ring from her finger, I dont believe its itchy since shes been wearing it five years,did you ever ask her where was she the nights she was out late? its redicolous! if she cant love you as a husband, she should of at least respect your marriage! that means shes removing your wedding means shes back single? I dont know I really do hope shes wrong and later realize she still loves you. There is saying that in marriage there is a time in your life when you both get a test of time i mean big test and I really hope you both get over this cause marriage is supposed to be for sickness and in health, richer or poorer, for better or for worse..just like i said if your wife cant love you anymore, just be with your kids and youll not feel alone. pray also.

[Riggs]

I agree..too many people give up way too easy!! When the going gets ruff they get going instead of sticking it out...

I agree, but there is a limit people should take. Like say I wasn't treating my lady right, and she has had enough, then she should leave me. More so, if I ever hit her, which I have never done. I don't hit women.

[~Teej~]

I don't think that he's coming back guys :(