Questions

[mashmac]

What do you think of sex before marriage? It seems that lately not having sex before marriage has become very fashionable at least on the surface because it appears that although it's fashionable to say so, people still do it and don't use adequate protection because they are not supposed to be doing it so therefore have not been briefed properly. Duplicity?

And what about masturbation? It is considered by certain people to be a sin. What do you think?


Just curious....

[aussiecoffee007]

thats so interesting you would ask that right now, my boyfriend and i have been talking about that for a while... i am religious so i am choosing to stay chaste until marriage not at all for the title. i dont even see why someone would WANT that title, its actually really challenging not to. and its a commitment not something you take very lightly, that you say you will do just for the sound of it. lately at least to me mashmac, perhaps country difference, but everyone thinks im really weird for not having sex before marriage, besides the mormons that is... i intend to be fully aware, i dont see anything wrong with education of sex--quite the contrary! people need to know how to protect themselves. and that doesnt mean i dont think about it or imagine it or cut myself out from lust entirely--its like impossible dont try :)--but at least for me its a commitment to say that God is more important than me and i am willing to sacrifice.

on that note, i dont think masturbation is a sin. we were born with sexuality and our bodies... and thats a religious view for ya :)

[EC]

Sex before marriage is totally fine and I would encourage it, some religious people will probably say this and that and how inappropriate it is.

Healthy sex life is important (as said before it's a way or creating and feeling the connection between partners), no matter what we all think, we all like to have good sex life with the person we love. I am not saying that anyone is like this but some are unhappy with their sex lives and choose not to do much about it or being too subtle about it to their partners.

Instead of trying to improve it and be more opened about his / her own sexuality, some of these people seek comforts and sex from third person, breaking down the marriage or simply hiding it from their partners. It would be devastated to hear "Oh.. I didn't know you only have sex once a month.. umm.. I don't think this is what I want..", or even to think that your partner don't want to have sex with you, or for some that don't like too much sex and after marriage it gets too much and something will break.

Masturbation, who doesn't do it...... next questions please! :)

[Penguin_Woman]

Ok. :) Sex before mariage: Well, I think it would be ggood to wait if you can. I know religiously speaking, you shouldn't. On a practical level? I think it should at least be someone you love. A boyfriend or girlfriend.

I see nothing wrong with masterbation. Whether your not with someone and need release, or shared with the one your with in some way. I do not think it should be used instead of sex if your (physically) with someone. I know some experts would disgree but that's my opinion.

[aussiecoffee007]

if i wasnt religious, id be on tuxettes side... its still a huge deal, and i think you should be with someone you truly love and want to spend the rest of your life with... i mean its the most intimate thing you can share with someone, so i think it should be someone you really do love :)

[mashmac]

of course with someone you truly love - but do you really need to wait until you are married? why can't you just live it the way you feel it and make love?

yes... i am supposed to be a catholic but my views are very liberal, the Pope wouldn't like to hear me say all this! as much as i am against abortion - i don't consider sex before marriage or masturbation a sin.

[aussiecoffee007]

lol at the pope comment :)
for me, its not like i dont WANT to be free and make all the love i want :) but... i made a commitment to make myself smaller to him and im saying that i trust his decision to ask me not to have sex before marriage, that i trust its right despite what i feel and despite what my body wants. i dont think masturbation is a sin either, and you know what, i dont really think sex before marriage is a SIN... i mean, its against hte bible but so is working on sunday or going out in public with your period :) so i have mixed feelings about if its a SIN. i dont think if i had sex god would never forgive me or id go to hell... or anything like that.

[Penguin_Woman]

It's all good, Aussie. I respect those that wait. :)

[mashmac]

I respect your wait too Aussie. What worries me is in certain religious environments young people because of the "no sex before marriage" rule are not being properly educated because sex is not to be talked about and therefor if they do it end up in trouble: no protection, devastating effects on their mental health etc... That for me is a problem. It's wrong.

[aussiecoffee007]

yeah, i dont think its religiously immoral or anything like that to receive education, quite the contrary... i think God wanted us prepared and ready and good :) what do you mean devastating effects on mental health?
i dont knwo if ill ever be educated enough to the point where its as if ive experienced it, but... help me out :)

[Penguin_Woman]

I think she's just saying that she doesn't want it to effect you later, once you are married. Don't want you thinking sex, overall is dirty and wrong or only for reproduction. :)

[aussiecoffee007]

hmm. well now im a bit confused, youve got me thinking... you remember my therad "small issue?" because... maybe thats how i consider sex. immoral. without thinking about it... without knowing it rather. i dont think its only for reproduction though i mean i think God intended it for our pleasure, but... okay now i am worried about what this will do to me in marriage lol

[Penguin_Woman]

Ya never know. That could be. Maybe you view sex as dirty or immoral so maybe you think it's wrong to feel turned on?

[aussiecoffee007]

but im unusually liberal with that sort of stuff (i know that sounds odd cuz im a VTM but trust me, i am) and i read romance novels and such and i dot mind talking about it or learning about it... so subconsciously i do??

[mashmac]

i don't think you should be worried aussie. you might come from a conservative environment but you are clearly open minded enough and went out there to find the answers you need. you are totally aware that sex is pleasure and i really think you will be fine. and any specific questions on the subject - feel free to ask us. you are not ashamed and clearly smart enough to know there is more to it than just reproduction.

[aussiecoffee007]

yeah i definitley know its more than reproduction but then... why cant i ever physically be turned on? i mean the slighest physical feeling, ive never experienced. like, when im kissing or touching or doing whtaever with a guy, i feel emotinally connected, emotionally "turned on" if you will but never physically. see my... "small issue" post... i dont understand why :(

[mashmac]

But I thought the guy you were with was a LDR - I don't know Aussie, can you pleasure yourself? Have they brought you up telling you sex was "dirty?"

[**Sapphire**]

Ok I finally got around to reading through this thread that was closed. I decided to delete some of the posts from a previously banned member & re-open it as the questions posed by mashmac are good questions & something to get a good convo going for all of us here...


So, my 2 cents is I don't mind sex before marriage. I'm living with my fiance right now & we aren't married. I think it's up to the couples in a relationship whether they want to be intimate before marriage or not.

[Sprogspawn]

I think it's up to the couple. I admire the willpower of those who can wait, but for me personally i don't see any need - I love sex and men and have zero desire to get married or even get into another long term relationship anytime soon, so i would get none if i was going to do this!

masturbation - nothing wrong with at all IMO, but i think many women, myself included, still find it a bit uncomfortable to talk about!

[~Teej~]

I am all for it...and also all for people who want to wait.
As long as we are doing what makes up happy then it shouldn't matter :)

[aussiecoffee007]

oh no wonder i never responded to you mashmac :) for the record, i cant really pleasure myself, and its never been "wrong" or "dirty" its just been something not talked about because it should be saved fo rmarriage and thats that. but i want that, its just i really like to talk about it too!!! obviously :D
thanks for the support on the waiting thing--its cool you guys dont think people like me are prude or anything just because we are waiting. im telling you, the people who wait have the most... UN-PRUDE THOUGHTS EVER!! haha we are just deprived ;) but i hope it works out for me

[**Sapphire**]

There is for sure nothing wrong with waiting until it's the right time or until your married Aussie hun.

I have respect for those men/women that can wait. I'm sure it's very hard for you all & the temptations are great as well.

[aussiecoffee007]

haha yes indeed... especially in this culture and everything. theres a lot of it on minds plus its like all guys want, it seems, so its hard to find a good one :(

but thanks for the support

[klickaroos]

Good for those who can wait but let's be factual about this thing if you find your partner attractive wouldn't you want to try it with him? I'm not saying that long lasting relationship depends on sex but it can be one factor

[Tony]

welcome to the ATLF klickaroos
please feel free to use out Introduction section.

In my opinion if a a Lady wishes to wait for the right moment like waiting for marriage wedding night etc etc the guy should respect her for that and not put any pressure on the lady before hand.

[klickaroos]

welcome to the ATLF klickaroos
please feel free to use out Introduction section.

In my opinion if a a Lady wishes to wait for the right moment like waiting for marriage wedding night etc etc the guy should respect her for that and not put any pressure on the lady before hand.

thank you tony!:hello:

[aussiecoffee007]

well yeah, of course if you find him attractive you want to be with him in every way possible, but waiting til you are married means fighting against that attraction and sacrificing that act until its right under God.
because trust me, even though i am waiting, its not like i DONT want to have sex. TRUST ME i do. but thats why its difficult and it will be worth it at the end of the road.

[~Teej~]

It shows great strength to wait Aussie..I am very proud of you for staying strong and sticking with it ;)

[Tony]

yes I agree with you there Teej
I also call that a commitment as well

[Emma]

I've just got round to reading this thread! Great one by the way, I've always found everyones views on this really interesting.


Comming from a girl who's 18 and who used to be completely terrified about sex, I would understand why, on a non-religious plane, why someone would want to wait.

But I think when you meet the right person and you're in love, well, to show them love can be one of the most intimate and romantic things two people can do.

On a practical level, I'd personally not wait because, although it sounds terrible, I'd rather know if I was compatible with my partner on a physical level before dedicating myself to them. To connect with someone, I have to connect physically and mentally.


But! Fantastic for anyone who waits. I think it's the most dedicated thing a couple can do!


x.

[aussiecoffee007]

thanks! :) i can use all the support i can get. you know its very difficult, especially when are you in love with a very attractive man who loves you back :)

and emma that totally makes sense--im just hopign that by the time im married we are both so... for lack of a better word, horny to have sex with each toher haha that we will be physically compatible no matter what :P