Confused

[~Teej~]

Hi all...I am new to this forum and I would like to get to know some people here.

I have a sticky situation and I would really like some advice on it.

ok..there's this guy at work i really really like Adam (been about 4 months since it started) thing is he is really good friends with my mate Jim (who also works there) Jim has liked me for years and years and i don't feel that way about him at all, but he doesn't seem to get over it, Thing is I sometimes think that Adam likes me back but I can never find out because if Jim ever found out i don't know how he would react. So I think the only thing I can do is not say anything right. I mean sometimes when I try not talking to Adam for a few days he messages me on the computer and asks why I am not talking to him and if he's upset me..I know I shouldn't tell Adam how I feel. But I think sometimes that I should and too hell with what Jim thinks, it's not my fault that he doesn't get over it. Right am I right not saying anything...or should i...i just don't wanna do anything to ruin there friendship...But I really like Adam and if there's a chance he likes me back shouldn't I take the chance?.

What do you think I should do?.. I know staying quiet is the right thing to do but I need a level headed opinion on what other people think

[Penguin_Woman]

First off, I'd like to welcome you to ATLF. We're glad you could join us. That's hard to say. Many levels of complication. For one you guys work together, secondly your friends with both of them. You know...I really hate to say it, but I rather think you shouldn't say anything. Stay friends with them both, but nothing more. Office romances can become very sticky situations. There's even more potential for disaster, both profesional and personal, in your situation.

[~Teej~]

Thanks. Thats exactly what I thought.

Just nice to hear it from another persons point of view :indifferent:

[Tuxie]

Welcome to ATLF meerkat. :)

Oooh, yeah. Tough situation. Work place romances are very hard to develop, because of knowing others in the same area. Jealousies play a HUGE part in these, usually.

Well, regardless, I wish you the best of luck... whatever happens.

[aussiecoffee007]

if you werent working together, i would also say to just tell him because you cant live your life around someone else, or trying to avoid hurting someone else, but... since you guys are working together it could create some major problems, and you dont want that to affect your professional AND private life. so i probably wouldnt unless you either cant stand it any longer or until the work situation changes... or until he tells you something :)

[~Teej~]

We are all going out for drinks soon for a friends birthday. Maybe I can try and judge how he feels then.

It annoys me that I have to constantly worry about the way Jim feels about me. He goes out and gets laid with random people. I am not like that at all. But he still makes it clear that he likes me. I just wish he could forget about me and get with some other girl. That way I wouldn't feel so bad and wanting to be with Adam.

I think about leaving my job sometimes as I think It may help the situation, but I don't want to as I am happy there.

I am just trying to take each day as it comes at the moment but it isn't easy.

[aussiecoffee007]

wait, he still likes you but sleeps with other girls... for what reason? in that case, seriously if work wasnt involved, i would say go for it because who cares about what a guy like that thinks, hes not only interested in you and you cant do anything about it anyway if you dont return the feeling, its not your FAULT or anything so he cant really get mad at you... you have to live your own life. if these feelings for this other guy adam get too intense for you to keep in anymore, perhaps you should... i dont know, if he feels the same way, id talk to him about the interoffice dating, adn check the policies and all that, but if you dont know yet id just keep it on the down-low until you have a really clear message about how he feels.

[mashmac]

Why do things always have to be so complicated! Sounds like you are having a hard time. I agree with you: the birthday party will be a good opportunity to get a chance to hang out with Adam and see which way the wind blows. And Jim needs to move on if you made it clear to him you are not interested. Perhaps you can tell him in the nicest possible way that he makes you feel uncomfortable when he tells you he is attracted to you and encourage him to try and get involved more seriously with someone else. Not just for sex.

But same as Aussie, Tuxie and Tuxette I would advise you to thread carefully.You have to work there, it could all get very unpleasant.


Let us know about the birthday party - being away from the office might clear things up for you and Adam.

[~Teej~]

Thanks everyone...i will let you know how things go :confused:

[aussiecoffee007]

yeah, definitley keep us updated... i would be very interested to know if/what happens at that party...

[~Teej~]

Ok..I am getting ready to go out and hoping that Adam will be there tonight.

Not really sure what I will do but I'm hopeful I will figure it out when the time comes.

[aussiecoffee007]

so.....?!?!?! :)
i hope the night gave you some sense of clarity, in one way or another

[~Teej~]

Nope..He never turned up. men :confused:

Now I don't know what the next move should be. Argh

[aussiecoffee007]

he didnt show up? that sucks. im sorry. im sure you were looking for some clarification... well, my stance stays, i would stay out of the relationship not because of this jim guy but because of the work situation... unless you decide to move jobs, or find out how adam feels and discuss possible moves (two brains is better than one) id let it lie and see where it takes you. and i know it sucks to wait, but... with this situation i dont think you have another option.

[~Teej~]

Yeah I know I think the same thing..There are some times coming up in the next few weeks when we will be out together so I will just have to wait and see what happens then.

Like I said before am just taking each day as it comes at the moment.

[aussiecoffee007]

a tiny bit off-topic i like the song that your sig is referring to. its cool. keep us updated.

[~Teej~]

Yeah, the song is awesome..I have become very keen on it recently..I will keep you updated :)

[~Teej~]

Okay..So I spoke to Adam today and it turns out that he didn't even know about everyone going out last night. It was the first time he'd heard everyone was out when I mentioned it to him. He said he would have come as well as he wasn't doing anything.

We spoke for quite a bit in the evening. I know this shouldn't get me so excited and I know I'm not 5. But he gave me his MSN. Made my day :D

[mashmac]

So far so good so good luck!

[summit]

I think your doing everything right meerkat, following your heart and gut instincts, you never know, he could be the one, you wouldnt want to pass that chance up to find out just because his friend likes you, or you work with him, although I would suggest proceeding with caution since it can get sticky very fast. Good luck!

[~Teej~]

Yeah I am thinking about everything carefully at the moment. We've sent a couple of messages this evening since being home but I haven't spoken to him in hours.

Am being very careful. I get good vibes from him. I mean he asked me for my msn I didn't ask him. I am taking that as a good sign. But knowing me I am reading more into it than I should.

[aussiecoffee007]

im a bit confused as to who "we" is...?
thats good, talk on msn and see where it leads you :)

[~Teej~]

Oh I'm sorry..

When I said "we" I meant me and Adam :)

[aussiecoffee007]

i thought you said, we sent adam a few messages, so i was a little confused :)

[~Teej~]

Hi guys..

I wanted to give you an update on Adam..

I thought about it hard over the weekend and I decided not to go for it..No matter how much I like him and I think that we would be really really good together. I decided that I don't want to be in a Relationship. I still want to go travelling and I've been saving really hard for it. If me and Adam got together then I wouldn't be able to do that. It's just something that I need to do by myself.

It is going to be hard, but if I focus on that I think I'll be okay.

Besides, I have you guys now.

Thanks a million, It really helps me when I am low and I can come here x :D

[Tuxie]

Good to hear (that you feel comfortable here with us). I want this place to be that way... that's the goal anyway. ;)

As for future relationships, someone will come along eventually for you I am sure. :)

Best of luck in your travel plans. Where are you thinking of traveling to?

[~Teej~]

States..nothing finalised yet..I hope to just go wherever I feel like :)

[mashmac]

Meerkat - that's the right call. Go and explore the world if you can. It will open up your mind and Adam will still be there when you return. Who knows... by the time you leave things might have progressed a little and he might join you for a portion of it. But enjoy your freedom and the great adventure ahead of you!

[~Teej~]

I know it's the right thing to do. It doesn't make it easy though. I just have to stay focused. Especially as the last few days we are getting even better. I just have to stay focused.

I got a good few months of this yet

[~Teej~]

I have been in a right mood at work all week..It hasn't been good.
Everyone asking how I am, If i'm okay etc..
Of course It's so awkward for me to say anything.
On Monday I planned to tell Adam I really did but the words wouldn't come out like the big fat chicken I am.
He asked me today what was wrong and I said that my head was just screwed up at the moment.
He doesn't hardly flirt with me anymore like he used to and I think he thinks of me like I am one of the boys.
But still I like him so much.
I don't know how I can get over him.
This has been going on since January.
I can't keep going on like this as I think I am going mad.

:(

Oh yeah, on sunday night I had a dream that we both had a baby. It was kind of weird, but since then I can think of nothing but how much I want to tell him and let him know how I feel. But the words never come out. I had such the perfect chance on monday night as there was no one else in on his department. I know I completly blew the chance. Aghhh

I know I probably won't take any advice from this as I never do I just really needed to get this all out and hopefully it will clear my mind and ease me a little. Maybe I won't feel quite so crazy.

[aussiecoffee007]

why do you have to get over it? tell him! :)

[~Teej~]

Okay..

I'm speaking to him today Aussie..

Wish me luck

[Penguin_Woman]

Good luck, Meerkat. :D

[~Teej~]

Thanks...I'm well nervous

[aussiecoffee007]

tell me everything meerkat!!! how did it go?1
am i invited to the wedding? ;)

[Penguin_Woman]

Details, details, Meerkat. :)

[aussiecoffee007]

oh meerkat, remind me ive got something for you on fear and risk. i want to sow it to you ;)

[**Sapphire**]

Hoping things went well when you told him meerkat. :)