What is going on with me?

[Anonymous2009]

Hello everyone,

I am going through a phase and I don't know what to do about it. I am 30 years old. I am a "straight" female. I have been my entire life. I am currently in a relationship with my boyfriend of three months. Of course the relationship is brand new. Everything is going smoothly between us. I care about him a lot. So far, he has been a wonderful boyfriend. I work as an Activity Assistant at a Nursing Home. There is a female LPN who works on my hall. When I first saw her, (which was back in November, 2008), I could not take my eyes off of her. She is so beautiful. She's very quiet and rarely says a word, unless she is talking to the residents. I asked my boss about her, and she told me her name, but said she keeps to herself. When I first saw her, I kind of figured she was gay, and I guess it's because she dresses boyish and wears her hair in a ponytail. I don't know how I knew, I just knew. For some reason, I am having really deep feelings for this girl. I can't stop thinking about her, and I can't keep my eyes off of her. I wrote a note and gave it to my boss to give to her. She actually read it! My boss was talking to her one day and she asked my boss if I was married. My boss told her no, but I did have a boyfriend and two kids. She told my boss that I was cute. I wasn't trying to date her, only say hello, introduce myself and get to know her. Ever since then, I have not been able to take my mind off of her. It's weird, because I have a boyfriend. I have never, ever in my life been so attracted to someone. She is gorgeous and everytime I walk past her, I get butterflies. Even though she said I was cute and asked if I was married, she doesn't talk to me at all. She acts like I don't exist. I was told that she was very bashful. I have written her several different notes, but have yet to get an answer out of her. I don't know why I feel this way, I just know I have deep feelings for her. I admitted to my boyfriend that I had feelings for a female. He was very understanding about it for some reason. I am not making plans to leave him for her or anything like that. I just want to know why I am so attracted to her the way I am and why she won't talk to me. I catch her looking at me all the time. She just won't speak to me. Why is that? Can someone give me some insight on this situation? It's driving me insane.

- Anonymous2009

[**Sapphire**]

Welcome to ATLF, glad that you joined us here. :)

Maybe she's really shy & would like for you to make the first move as in starting up a conversation with her. Besides the notes you haven't tried to at least say "Hi, how are you?" in passing? If not, try it & see where things may go from there in starting up a talk with her.

[Anonymous2009]

Yes, I have said hello to her. I have even said "good morning", and she would say it back, but that's all. And yes, she is super shy, but I don't know if that's the reason why she won't speak to me. I know for a fact that she is scared of losing her job because she's gay, but other than that, I don't know why she won't talk. I don't pass the notes to her, my boss does. My boss is really cool. She knows how I feel about her. Her best friend said she was afraid to talk to a woman who is dating a man or is interested in a man because she was hurt by a woman that left her for a man. I don't know why I feel this way. I've never felt this way before. I am very shy too, so I don't know what to do. I shouldn't be talking to her period, because I have a boyfriend, but it is so hard to leave her alone. I really want to be friends with her.

[**Sapphire**]

True, you shouldn't be talking to her in anything more than a friendly manner because you have a boyfriend.

If you truly do want to be her friend since you are with someone, then maybe try to draw her out a bit more with general "get to know you on a friendly basis" conversations. Something more than just good morning, ask her how she's doing, something that will stop & get her talking a bit more.

If you are wanting to get to know her more because you want to pursue her romantically down the line, well I would advise against starting up more talks with her. Keep her as a co-worker you say Hi to every once in a while.

[Ayman]

Really it is a amazing case, I am totally agree with sapphire

[raybork]

Sapphire, is giving you some sound advice. Exactly what do you want from this woman, look into yourself and answer that question truthfully.
If it could end up hurting your 'wonderful' boyfriend then take it no further.

[kms]

So basically, your attraction to her is a physical thing. It couldn't be based on anything else, because you've never had an actual conversation with her and know nothing about her really. Just keep in mind that while it is completely stimulating and distracting and world-stopping, physical attraction always fades with time... you wouldn't want to make a mess out of your work environment and your relationship with your boyfriend for something that will just fade in a few months' time.... right? Try to think ahead, long term... think logically and not with emotions that are fleeting.

Also, your boyfriend may be understanding because perhaps he is envisioning a 3some down the road? lol... I know my bf would be quite excited if I professed being attracted to another woman...