BadTimes
04-10-2009, 11:42 PM
My wife and I are in our mid 30s, have been together for about 8 years, lived together for 7 years, and got married in August 2008. We were very happy together for 6+ years. But then we got lazy and allowed our relationship to wane a little; took each other for granted a bit.
To cut a long story short, we have been seperated since Christmas 2008. This was my wifes idea ("she needed some space") and although I didnt want to, I went along with it. It was a great shock for me as I still loved her dearly, and the feeling of rejection was terrible.
But as months passed, I was living at a friends house, I got used to it and decided I could manage on my own; although I had dark periods where I missed her. Over the last month or so we had very little contact. My thoughts were "if you dont want me, then stuff you, its your loss, etc".
Fast forward to the present. My fit, healthy Dad, aged 60, took ill and died within a week (died Saturday 4th). My wife is back on the scene and has been very supportive and helpful to me and the family. She now says she has finally realised (after all this time!) she does want to get back with me.
I felt like we should give it a go (although I must be careful I get what I want out of it and be 100% happy with it) for the sake of the marriage, family and friends. I am wary, and its going to be hard to rebuild trust, but thought we should give it a shot.. We got married!!! Surely now that we know what caused our problems, we could correct the mistakes, and could be stronger than ever before??
But then yesterday I found out that she had had sex with someone else about 3 weeks ago. She was really upset when I found out, claims that it was a one off thing that she regrets, and she realised straight after that it was a big mistake.
My first reaction was to walk away and have nothing to do with her. But today, added to the pain of Dad passing, the lack of support from her is making me feel worse and lonely. I dont have the energy to deal with Dads death and the wrecked relationship at the same time.
I'm thinking we can get some level of a relationship back at this stage, get the help and support from her that she wants to provide, then properly address the relationship issues later, when the issue of Dads death is less raw.
She sort of tried to excuse the infidelity by saying its while we were seperated, and it was triggered by us having a bit of an argument on the phone. But that doesnt fully wash with me; and I know it could really nag at me that she did what she did.
So what does the forum think? How much of a pathetic soft-touch am I being, giving her a chance? Or am I right to give her a chance?
Any advice or comments gratefully received.
Cheers,
BT.
To cut a long story short, we have been seperated since Christmas 2008. This was my wifes idea ("she needed some space") and although I didnt want to, I went along with it. It was a great shock for me as I still loved her dearly, and the feeling of rejection was terrible.
But as months passed, I was living at a friends house, I got used to it and decided I could manage on my own; although I had dark periods where I missed her. Over the last month or so we had very little contact. My thoughts were "if you dont want me, then stuff you, its your loss, etc".
Fast forward to the present. My fit, healthy Dad, aged 60, took ill and died within a week (died Saturday 4th). My wife is back on the scene and has been very supportive and helpful to me and the family. She now says she has finally realised (after all this time!) she does want to get back with me.
I felt like we should give it a go (although I must be careful I get what I want out of it and be 100% happy with it) for the sake of the marriage, family and friends. I am wary, and its going to be hard to rebuild trust, but thought we should give it a shot.. We got married!!! Surely now that we know what caused our problems, we could correct the mistakes, and could be stronger than ever before??
But then yesterday I found out that she had had sex with someone else about 3 weeks ago. She was really upset when I found out, claims that it was a one off thing that she regrets, and she realised straight after that it was a big mistake.
My first reaction was to walk away and have nothing to do with her. But today, added to the pain of Dad passing, the lack of support from her is making me feel worse and lonely. I dont have the energy to deal with Dads death and the wrecked relationship at the same time.
I'm thinking we can get some level of a relationship back at this stage, get the help and support from her that she wants to provide, then properly address the relationship issues later, when the issue of Dads death is less raw.
She sort of tried to excuse the infidelity by saying its while we were seperated, and it was triggered by us having a bit of an argument on the phone. But that doesnt fully wash with me; and I know it could really nag at me that she did what she did.
So what does the forum think? How much of a pathetic soft-touch am I being, giving her a chance? Or am I right to give her a chance?
Any advice or comments gratefully received.
Cheers,
BT.