Should I stay or should I go

[mattscrewedupguy]

Okay ill sum it up short as i can but any advice i can get would make my life alot easier. Met Katie 6 years ago, fight alot, and shes got a chemical imbalnce and just likes to start arguments, has to be with me everywhere i go, she is such a negetive person. We had a baby together in 2003, then she slept with my brother, then i caught her with another guy when i came home early from work one time. I heard through the grapvine a couple years ago she was getting naked in front of webcams and i actually caught her once, then we had a nother kid in 2006. Now i asked her to marry me in october in front of her whole family and then two months later she admitted to having sex with an army guy in a hotel when she went out with her friends, and also getting fingered in the backseat of a car while going out with friends, she says oh he didnt get off, oh he only fingered me for a few minutes, and she says shes changed, but now shes pregnant again and it might not be mine because she never wore protection when it happened. So im in a bind, Ive been talking to this girl online and i told her everything, we have alot in common and shes got her own house car and good with money, i think i would be alot happier, but is it wrong to feel guilty about leaving even if the one im with cheats all the time, should i believe her or should i move on and try with this other girl, please help me anybody.

and i called off the engagement for sure

[summit]

well, its a tough situation you're in with kids and all, I would have left after finding out about her and your brother, to me this just shows a gross disrespect to you, then again I don't give out too many second chances. She has cheated so much, I think you would be forever second guessing her even if she was to change, which I do not think she will. I also do not think immediatly going to another women is the answer either, I think you need to step back from both of them, and re-examine yourself and what you want in a women, and out of life in general. If you truly believe you can make it work with Katie and be genuinely happy, go for it since you have kids with her, but if you are not happy, then I would not feel guilty for leaving her after what she has done, nor is a chemical imbalance an excuse for her behavoir, I am always under the impression that divorced parents sharing custody is a better option than being brought up in a fake miserable marriage.

[EC]

I suggest you run as fast, and as far as you can from her! No, not really, just leave this unappreciative person behind. What does she bring to the table other than deception, lies, unfaithfulness, disloyalty, anger and shame?

Don't let your self-esteem and confidence go down the drain because of someone like that. Obviously she's looking for something else, and it's not you. Are you just her safety net just in case she falls while she's looking for someone out there?

Having a baby together doesn't mean you have to put up with this for the rest of your life or until you have a breakdown. If your life and her life are so messed up by this, why mess up your baby's life too if you know what sort of mother / role model this woman is going to be for your baby?

Fight is a healthy thing in relationships as long as you know where the limits are and what not to do and what to do next time, and that you learn from every fights. The point is not to win for either of you and to stick to what you're arguing about and not starting a World War III.

She slept with your brother for god sake! That hurts, dump you brother too until he realize what an *** he is / was. I am sure something can work out but do you really want to be worried every time she goes out somewhere? Are you able to trust her again? With no trust, you don't have a relationship, and she doesn't deserve a single minute of your trust.

[aussiecoffee007]

i would definitely leave her... she is no good for you and is in no place for the marriage or a relationship that you want. she slept with your brother... i mean, that alone is just unacceptable and i knwo you feel tied because of the children, at the least, and i do think you should stay involved with them as much as possible, but as for htis woman... she has a chemical imbalance, you say, and maybe thats not the best thing for you now... despite your children together she is still cheating you even after being engaged... i think its an unhealthy sort of relationship and you should end it before getting even more hurt.

[mattscrewedupguy]

thanks alot for reassuring me to leave i mean i think im such an emotional person myself i just dont want anybody to get hurt except me, im so used to it ive just accepted it and it should be that way. I just need to be pushed in the right direction. keep the advice coming ;) yeah with my brother i found out that well i invited him over in 2003 to spend the summer with me cause we never spent much time together and i worked the midnight shift and they fooled around while i was at work....pretty nasty, its been weird talking to him ever since

[aussiecoffee007]

ah, living your life trying to please everyone else will eventually lead you into emotional despair... love is one of the few areas its okay to be selfish in. she is not the girl for you, she fools around with your own flesh and blood, which doesnt say a lot for him either... just leave her.

[mattscrewedupguy]

thanks for all the advice, im just wondering if it normal to feel bad for her if i leave, i mean why do i care for her so much and why do i love her if i hate her, i mean im comfortabe living here but every days we scream and holler at each other over the same things over and over and over and over, and her parents pretty well rule her life and i think im more scared of what her parents reaction will be than hers....the other reason im finding it hard to leave is all i can think about is all the bills i have...im so depressed. I know its only a matter of time before she will cheat again, when she cheated on me last time and i found out she said "well ill give you a pass you can go cheat on me once" wtf, i mean i dont even care about sex ive ben talking to this girl rebecca and we have alot in common but sex is the last thing on my mind, i dont want to hurt rebecca or string her along and i dont want to hurt katie, im glad that i have rebecca as a good friend and i think if i dont take this chance with rebecca and leave ill keep doing this over and over trying to escape and feeling guilty or bad for katie. sometimes i think i dont deserve anybody.....but i dont want to be alone. help again

[aussiecoffee007]

i think you have developed a somewhat paternal relationship with this girl, you are her provider adn her rock but you dotn need to be that for her anymore. you deserve your own happiness. perhaps you should see where the relationship wth this girl rebecca will go, you deserve better than this girl katie!

[summit]

I dunno, I think to jump from one relationship directly into another is a bad move, your probly a little upset and confused emotionally inside from this girl cheating on you all the time, do you really want to drag any unsuspecting problems of distrust into a new relationship? You cannot expect to leave this relationship unscarred after what you have been through, as much as you may feel ok, and do you not want to be sure your ok before entering another relationship? Would it be fair to this new girl? You need some alone time to figure out what YOU want, and make sure YOUR ok. Take it slow, relationship hopping is not the answer in my opinion.