I really dont know what to do?

[Daisy duke]

.....hi. i joined a few days ago ...an its a long story but here goes..............
i am heart broke . i feel like i just wanna curl up an die...
i am going thru a divorce that is not the prob. i ended it cos i wasnt happy an feel better we have stayed friends.....
i was alone in my marriage an i know i am now ready to move on to meet someone who i is my soulmate..
i joined a dating agency .an had lots of replies but none took my fancy ....cept this one man .as soon as i read his profile it just clicked ..we made contact an for a few weeks we got to know each other ....we have the same principles,morals loves hates...we love the outdoors every single thing he said i agreed with an same back ...
i saw his pictures an he saw mine an we fell ...hook line an sinker....
we talked every single nite for hours .we text we spoke on msn ..it was very fast .but love gets you when you least expect it .right .,...we planned for the future small stuff...i felt like i'd never felt this way before an i havent ...i know he's my soulmate .....
this is where i fill up again .......argh the pain .
we met . a lovely nite. he said he felf the same. but then he said he was scared of getting hurt ..i reasured him ..i wouldnt do that ....i said if we dont make it will you always be my mate ..he said yes ..bestest freinds....it was too good to be true dare i hope .....
then he changed his mind said ..he didnt think he was over his ex.an that he hadnt been honest ,he had left his wife an kids ...i knew that but the reason was not cos love had gone but cos he met someone else....he regrets it an made a bad mistake but the lady he fell for was stunning...he left his wife an moved in with her .for 4 years he bent over backwards to make it work but .she didnt really accept his kids an was high maitenence
they split she left him ...............
i took a deep breath an said well ...you reap wot you sow ..if he had only told me this then maybe i wouldnt have fell for him .i would have been more careful...
i cried for days .it hurt so bad...he said he wasnt ready for a relaitionship.....
i pressed him on it an he admited that he knew i wasnt the one for him ...........................................
i begged him an tried to make him see that we have everything going for us .but he said he didt feel the same.....
so i left it ...hoping he would come round .....
hoping that he would realise ....
.......then we got talking on msn an i told him i loved him ..i know stupid .but i feel he never gave us a chance....
he said that he wasnt worth it an i should forget him ...how ???
then i rang him one nite an we talked an he said he missed me too .an he was mixed up ...so again i backed off in hope that hed come around
...he said look lets meet at the wknd go out as mates ..so i was over the moon ....
it got to wednesday he text an said look forget me babre ..im not ready for it ....
so you can imagine i was in a right state...cant get him out of my mind 24/7
i rang him he wouldnt answer my calls .i text he text back he was too upset to talk .
days later i moved jobs an have trouble at home with my son i needed his freindship but he wasnt there...
then he comeon msn an siad hows the job search going ....
i blew up .told him he was a coward an cold an how could he do this to me ...an he said i know .im so sorry..........................
i blocked his mail ...an we neveer spoke .......
the other nite he came on an i got talking to him ...im a fool you dont have to tell me .
i talked casual ..never mentioned anything ..he was fine ...ha,lucky him hey!
he said oh im so horny was looking at your pics...we could be buddies ..i said you mean fu** buddies ...until you meet someone else he said ..oh i dont know .......i said no.....best thing is he wants a woman he can respect....
i looked on dating.com today an hes there ..hes joined up again .that hurts so much ....i've just spoke to him an brought it up an he didnt say anything about it ..i told him im not looking for no one when its ment to be it'll happen ....
see i'm playin it cool...want to be his friend ..with a motive
that he wont find no one like me so suited ..i dont think he will....
my friends as you can imagine have said he is no good ..but i cant bring myself to delete him ...an let go ....
im in turmoil i really am.....tell me what to do....cos i m just not knowing what to do ....i cant forget him ......x Amanda

[Penguin_Woman]

Admittedly, I didn't read everything. But I have the idea. I think if you think about it you know exactly what to do. This guy is no good for you. He's toying wih you, playing a game with you and your playing right along. I speak from experience on this. I once knew a guy exactly like that. He'd ignore me...vanish just long enough for me to give him up as lost and move on. Then he'd suddenly reappear and start the cycle all over again.

It didn't take me long (though still too long, really) to catch onto his little game and write him off for good. You need to do the same. I know it may not be easy, your thinking "but...what if it could become something?" Let me tell ya'...it won't...and if it did it wouldn't be good for anyone.

Walk away now, you'll be better off. Good luck :)

[Taryn]

It sounds to me like he's stringing you along. That's not the kind of guy you want in your life, is it? Let it go, let him go. And most importantly, dont let this get to you, he's not worth the effort

[EC]

This post is not going to be much about what you should do but rather to tell you what I see and feel about your situation as an outsider.

You guys just started seeing each other for a few weeks. Love him? I am not sure if love can form that quickly, it takes a lot of understanding, bonding, compromising, reasons, wanting only the best for each others, etc. Only then it's what I call LOVE, it's when a conscious choice is made to love and be loved.

Anyway both you and him joined up with a dating agency, both hoping to find someone and maybe that was why it all happened so fast. He could have been honest with you, but anyone sometimes wants to have a clean slate to start with after old relationship ended, and not being judged on what's already been done every time he's about to start over new.

Sure we all expect and value honesty, however most only appreciate it when it works to their advantages. It's far too normal for us human to be that way, I have to admit that would include me too under some circumstances. I prefer to be honest and get things out of the way than live with my crime.

After a few weeks of dating, and when he said he made a mistake, to where he said he wasn't sure. You started becoming quite clingy and emotionally attached to him from the sound of your post. What made you want this man so bad? If it's something to do with the fact the two of you have all the same opinions, tastes, values, principles, agree on every single things and whatever, it could just be the effect of euphoria state.

When people meet they develop desires, appreciation for differences and even go further to change their preferences and differences unknowingly. It's the stage where we're more accepting than usual, extremely receptive to the partner we're interested in, everything is a can-do.

You've been married so I guess you would already know about it, put two adults together under the same roof, both are from different professions, backgrounds, parents, values, hobbies, etc, and we call it marriage / relationship and expect the two to last forever or at least as long as it will get.

Differences is also healthy for relationship as long as we all know how to appreciate it, and what to do when you and your partner develops different interests, people call it growing apart. I call it growing-up, perfectly normal, growing apart is just a bullshit excuse overused by people who just don't want to play anymore.

A bit off topic there, one thing lead to another :)

[Daisy duke]

thanks ...it makes sense....ive since backed off an .we still correspond on msn ...he came onlast nite to talk an i told him ive met someone ...as he has but his ad back onto the dating agency...i did meet someone fri nite an we are ment to be going out this fri as friends...
carl said ohhh. an then ...he said well im not bothered about meeting anyone .i cant be bothered ....hes forever changing his mind ...i dunno what to think ....
i know i should delete his number an msn but my heart says no ...im 37 not a young egg so i dont get why hes got me this way ...but i cant help how i feel..

[summit]

if your worried to delete his number and msn because you might not meet someone better, well, if thats you on your myspace, I can tell you as a male that you will have no problem meeting someone else :D

[Daisy duke]

ohhh thanks ...

hehee !...
trouble is i think im looking too hard ...thats the problem......

[summit]

that could definetly be the problem, when people want something bad enough, sometimes standards get lowered in order to get it. Most people I know met their soulmate only after they stopped looking.

[Daisy duke]

but how do you stop yourself when your ready ...i see everywhere i seem to look couples .an with summer here nearly its a rubbish time to be on your own....i let myself down last nite i rang carl ..the guy whos not worth it ...i know ...he never even picked up. i left a message an he never called ..today on msn he said oh i went out ....he always have his mobile with him ...i just said never mind...
i went out sat ...i went up to this guy who ive seen over the years he always watches me dance ..never takes his eyes off me ..i know he fancies me ..so i went up to him an we got talking an hes single i gave him my number an i went off ..an caught up with him at the end of the nite to say goodbye he gave me his number said here you go my phones out of power ...text me later...
i was out with my ex husband by the way ...hope thats not made him think stupid..cos i made it clear we are mates an my ex got a girls number ..hehe
so i never called neither did he ..cos i wanted to play it cool...an today not heard anything so sent a text tonite an message back said ...sorry dont know who this is you have wrong number ..
so being me ...i had to ring ...a guy anwsered cant be sure it was him or not ....he said sorry this is not danny no ...i said but i was given this number sat nite an he said ..well its not me i was at work sat nite .....
i dont know what to think....
yes he could have wrote down the wrong number but surely if your that keen you make double sure ..you put it right ...
he has my number. i dunno....
this woman in the club who knows him said to me you know he really likes you hes out with my husband an hes always saying how much he likes you but hes quiet im a bit sad now ....
anyway thats it ,im not going to meet anyone ....am i...
ok ill stop looking ....sigh. please tell me what you think of this latest happening ...

[Daisy duke]

...hi...back to carl ..the one i met online ...i finally had enough today ..i got on msn an all my thoughts went down on there about him an the situation ...i dont care if i lowered myself ..as my friend said just delete him thats it ...no. i i needed to have my say .let him know how i feel have closure..he said look you want more .im not 100% sure ..so ...
i said yeah i know that .but what made you not able to be the freind that you swore you d always be to me ...
he said hes kind of seeing a girl .but nothing serious just laughs............................................ ..........
that kills me ....why the f""" couldnt be be frinends like that ...i would have just accepted that it would have been enough ....:( he said look we met once.
but i felt i knew you all my life ...................:( those few weeks we talked about so many things and views on life .much the same
after that i deleted him .sent a text ..i then cried my eyes out ... i feel like i did the day he said he didnt think i was for him ...all along hes give me mixed signs ...
then i went to shut the pc off .an there he was ...on msn ...sayin ......you ll get over it .chill out ....................................




course i deleted him again ..never ever did i think he could be this hurtful an cold.....

rang my freind they are coming over to stay tonite i need a drink an to mull it all over ...will never get over him .or should i say noone ..was as much the one i wanted ,so very similar to me ..as him ....my hearts broke..........

[summit]

I think you did the right thing, just watch you don't contact him in your times of being lonley, I think one day you will look at this and wonder why you thought someone was so right for who when they could hurt you so much without batting an eye. I am sure you have heard the old saying "No man is worth your tears, and the one who is will not make you cry"

[Daisy duke]

thanks wise words .could do with having someone to repeatedly tell me all this...
its 2.25 am. i can't sleep.
for some bizarre reason carl text me about a hour ago to say....goodbye amanda...you move on .the girl i said i was freinds with .(who is his freinds daughter) i am truly smitten by her...fancied her for 10 years..ive waited a long time ..


this has screwed my head up all the positive thinking has gone thru the window...i ve cried til thereis no more tears tonite ...
why is he doing this to me?
............:( what did i ever do ...
i text back an said good riddance ..go play
it hurts like hell cos all the time he always said shes too young only 26 im 41 i dont wanna end up in her arms ...its my mates daughter..."
shes broke up with her boyfriend an used to ring him up on the phone to cry...
i had a feeling this would happen ...
:( thats a big age gap init ..an he cant have no more kids ..so ...doubt it ll last ...an being a libra he needs someone who is not just eye candy but also someone who can hold there own ..an have debates with. we had all that. here i go again....tell me what to do ..my head is gone my heart torn out ..i know tomorrow is another day ..an one door shuts another opens..right ?

[EC]

Withdrawal symptoms :) You will get through it.

[summit]

with him purposely texting you to say to move on, that he is going to have a relationship with this women just proves to me in my opinion that either hes purposely trying to hurt you, or trying to make you jelous and pro-long your contact so that he can feel important having a girl fight for him, dont give him the satisfaction, don't even respond to this bum anymore, he is certainly not even worth your time let alone a space in your heart in my opinion.

[Daisy duke]

i ve done it deleted his mobile an home number...his msn ..his pics everything ..its time to close that door . it hurts but .shes welcome to him .,will hurt a while so if i come on here having a moan justy bare with me ....xx

[EC]

Just post on here whenever you want, but try not to think about him too much. Start looking at our other threads that interest you.

[Daisy duke]

hi ...doing well...went out with new frineds at the wknd had a ace nite ...!!!
then yest who got in touch via msn ...although i ve deleted him ..? you got it ...he says hiya ...i said ...WTF......
he says ..oh be grumpy then ...
i says fuk you .
he says tut tut tut .......
i ignore..........
he says ok i ll delete you goodbyeeeeeeeeeee
question is this mans head messed up ...????

[EC]

He's immature, so were you. Get over it block him and delete him.

[Daisy duke]

thats a bit harsh init ....i was imature silly the way i fell..maybe ..but hes out like i say ......well done would be nice ...lol...

[Penguin_Woman]

I'm glad he's out of your life. EC might've been a bit harsh I'm sure it wasn't meant to be.

[Daisy duke]

thankyou ...xx

[EC]

I might appear to be a bit harsh, but that's up to you. I am who I am and if you want honest, non-sugar-coated advise you know I'll give them to you. Not because I want to hurt you, you've jumped onto a forum to get all sorts of different opinions in the first place, right?