bluesky
03-19-2009, 04:30 PM
In a very long post that most people probably didn't read in the LDR forum I went into detail about a terrible weekend I had with an ex that I had no seen for a year and a half.
I didn't talk to him for a week after we talked about me visiting in April, I felt we both (really just me) needed to just slink away and lick my wounds. Considering the conversation we had (me crying my heart out, him basically ignoring it) I kind of felt like he should have been the one to say something to me, like are you alright? or how's it going? Nothing, no call no email no text no nothing.
Sunday I log onto AIM for the first time and he doesn't say anything to me then either. I knew he had gone to a party the night before as he'd told me about it the week before.
Monday I had a pretty fad feeling for some reason. I know all his email passwords and I looked in there to to see...something. Of course I see the worst. He started emailing some girl, starting up a friendly email chain with her, back and forth, back and forth, the "bored at work" kind of thing, just the two of them, getting to know each other cuz I guess they met at that party on Saturday. Needless to say I'm like crushed.
While I knew the weekend was a bust and while I knew I didn't love him in the way I should love someone I'd want to be with I was still crazy hurt by this. So I tried to IM him that night just say hi, what's up, are you still interested in hanging outi n April. He ignores it (even though I could see he was on warcraft). I write him an email the next day, because I can clearly see he can email all day long at work, I see he reads my email, ignores me, and continues emailing this new girl back and forth.
By this time I knew there was no chance in hell of us ever recovering but I couldn't figure out why he wouldn't tell me. Long story short I tricked him into revealing that he was not "afk" so he was kind of forced to talk to me.
(My opinion was he was waiting to see if this girl would go out with him before he told me he wasn't interested, but if she didn't then he had me as his second option)
Anyway we have THE ending conversation, we ended it on friendly terms, or as friendly as I can be considering I hate this son of a ***** more than anything in the world. I told him I really did miss the friendship we had a long time ago and I would love it if we could still have that. We even talk about emailing each other at work to help get through the boredom. (really this was just a test to see if he'd bother to email me cuz i know he emails her all day" He says he'll try but it depends on how busy it is and thats why he didnt answer my email before because he was just so biiiiiiiiiiizzy.
Anyway, I was tempetd to tell him I knew he was interested in another girl and that was a large part of why he all of a sudden went from "we should spend more time together to figure out where we stand" to "i dont love you at ALL anymore"
The problem is; i was looking forward to a friendly email from him because it really would have meant a lot to me if he did extend that gesture. As far as the girl is concerned, jealousy isn't even the right word to describe how I'm feeling right now.
It's more like this: I was with this jerk when he just lived in his mother's basement, did nothing but play warcraft, would not get a job, lied to me consistnently about everything, when I would pick a bill not to pay to go see him, most of the time we just screwed around in his room playing video games, and eventually we never saw each other at all. Throughout the year and a half we did not see each other he always came back from the dead to say he loved me and was sorry, and I finally gave him another chance. And in one weekend he realizes he just doesn't "love" me. Ironically the one week he's sure is the week some new girl starts paying attention to him.
I'm angry because he finally seems to be getting his **** together, and SHE gets the good guy. I knew every dark secret, every bad thing about him, i suffered through his selfishness, and now SHE gets the guy with a job, she gets the guy who is finally growing up at 24 and moving out of the basement. she'll get the normal relationship because they live close together and have all the same friends that i only got to meet twice. she gets to at least an have a real chance at someone that (even if he was a lazy POS) was someone I loved very very much.
I can't figure out what this feeling is. Jealousy isn't it, although the urge to read their cheesy emails to each other does bother me a lot, but I can't seem to stop it. Asking him to change his password is out of the question because I asked him to do that before and he changed it to another password I knew. I don't want him thinking I'm a psycho obsessed stalker because I'm not - I'm just...confused. I don't understand my feelings or how to get through this. I feel like crying a lot. And I feel really rejected.
How do I process through this?
I didn't talk to him for a week after we talked about me visiting in April, I felt we both (really just me) needed to just slink away and lick my wounds. Considering the conversation we had (me crying my heart out, him basically ignoring it) I kind of felt like he should have been the one to say something to me, like are you alright? or how's it going? Nothing, no call no email no text no nothing.
Sunday I log onto AIM for the first time and he doesn't say anything to me then either. I knew he had gone to a party the night before as he'd told me about it the week before.
Monday I had a pretty fad feeling for some reason. I know all his email passwords and I looked in there to to see...something. Of course I see the worst. He started emailing some girl, starting up a friendly email chain with her, back and forth, back and forth, the "bored at work" kind of thing, just the two of them, getting to know each other cuz I guess they met at that party on Saturday. Needless to say I'm like crushed.
While I knew the weekend was a bust and while I knew I didn't love him in the way I should love someone I'd want to be with I was still crazy hurt by this. So I tried to IM him that night just say hi, what's up, are you still interested in hanging outi n April. He ignores it (even though I could see he was on warcraft). I write him an email the next day, because I can clearly see he can email all day long at work, I see he reads my email, ignores me, and continues emailing this new girl back and forth.
By this time I knew there was no chance in hell of us ever recovering but I couldn't figure out why he wouldn't tell me. Long story short I tricked him into revealing that he was not "afk" so he was kind of forced to talk to me.
(My opinion was he was waiting to see if this girl would go out with him before he told me he wasn't interested, but if she didn't then he had me as his second option)
Anyway we have THE ending conversation, we ended it on friendly terms, or as friendly as I can be considering I hate this son of a ***** more than anything in the world. I told him I really did miss the friendship we had a long time ago and I would love it if we could still have that. We even talk about emailing each other at work to help get through the boredom. (really this was just a test to see if he'd bother to email me cuz i know he emails her all day" He says he'll try but it depends on how busy it is and thats why he didnt answer my email before because he was just so biiiiiiiiiiizzy.
Anyway, I was tempetd to tell him I knew he was interested in another girl and that was a large part of why he all of a sudden went from "we should spend more time together to figure out where we stand" to "i dont love you at ALL anymore"
The problem is; i was looking forward to a friendly email from him because it really would have meant a lot to me if he did extend that gesture. As far as the girl is concerned, jealousy isn't even the right word to describe how I'm feeling right now.
It's more like this: I was with this jerk when he just lived in his mother's basement, did nothing but play warcraft, would not get a job, lied to me consistnently about everything, when I would pick a bill not to pay to go see him, most of the time we just screwed around in his room playing video games, and eventually we never saw each other at all. Throughout the year and a half we did not see each other he always came back from the dead to say he loved me and was sorry, and I finally gave him another chance. And in one weekend he realizes he just doesn't "love" me. Ironically the one week he's sure is the week some new girl starts paying attention to him.
I'm angry because he finally seems to be getting his **** together, and SHE gets the good guy. I knew every dark secret, every bad thing about him, i suffered through his selfishness, and now SHE gets the guy with a job, she gets the guy who is finally growing up at 24 and moving out of the basement. she'll get the normal relationship because they live close together and have all the same friends that i only got to meet twice. she gets to at least an have a real chance at someone that (even if he was a lazy POS) was someone I loved very very much.
I can't figure out what this feeling is. Jealousy isn't it, although the urge to read their cheesy emails to each other does bother me a lot, but I can't seem to stop it. Asking him to change his password is out of the question because I asked him to do that before and he changed it to another password I knew. I don't want him thinking I'm a psycho obsessed stalker because I'm not - I'm just...confused. I don't understand my feelings or how to get through this. I feel like crying a lot. And I feel really rejected.
How do I process through this?