How much time together is too much?

[summit]

I find this to be an interesting topic, in my opinion, I think it depends on the relationship, some people can spend every waking minute together, and be extremely happy, and still have some independence. Other couples need to have their own space, time to unwind and get away from each other from time to time to be happy. In my opinion either works as long as they each still own a piece of their independance.

Out of my long term relatioships I have experienced this first hand, my first long term relationship I could not be around my girlfriend 24/7 we needed our space to miss each other, we just became to tired of each other after a few days of being around each other constantly, whether this was due to us being younger, or more immature, or that we really were not "in love" I don't know

The next long term was polar opposite, I was always aware that I spent alot of time with my now wife, but it never became an issue, I hired her on here so we work together, spend weekends together, weekdays when we get home, we are always together and love every minute of it. Sure I still go out with my buds to the rippers, or poker nights, or to catch a game, but its just to be with my friends, not that I need a break from my wife. My parents are the same, met when they were 16, now married for over 40 years, always generally really happy with each other, and even now their relationship continues to develop, they spend every waking minute with each other.

Curious to know others opinions on this, can you spend too much time with your significant other?

[Penguin_Woman]

Well, I too think it depends. With my ex I could only spend so much time with him a day and only for so many days before I felt antsy and crowded. With Tuxie I love to spend as much time with him as possible. So, I don't think there's any one answer to that, it depends from person to person.

[aussiecoffee007]

i dont know, i think its better not to spend all your time with your mate and still develop your own life and maintain your own relationships with family and friends... dependence is not healthy, in my opinion. two lives come together as one, but thats not one life, if that makes any sense.

[mashmac]

Haven't been on for a while... And will need to take it slowly. I am ore with Aussie. I need my space. I just need to be by myself or with my mates without
my partner. I just need to be. Does it makes sense? Even when it's really hard - I will need that space. Or perhaps I just haven't met someone I want to be with all the time. Anyway - I am not really a spring chicken anymore so I can't really see my need for space changing.

[summit]

I don't think their is a cookie cutter answer to this either, but I still find it interesting to discuss. :D

Aussie, just out of curiousity what makes 2 people that spend alot of time with each other dependant on each other? I have heard this before and find it interesting since it always comes from people with the opinion that a couple needs some time apart. :)

Dependance in my opinion is when you need your significant other for everything, and cannot or will not do it on your own, where as I am talking about wanting your significant other for everything, but can still do it on your own, it is possible to spend alot of time with your wife/husband and still have your independance in my opinion.

Mashmac, good to see you back, even in the beginning of a relationship, did you still need that space? In the beginnings of my past relationships I would find myself wanting to be around alot, and it would slowly fade away as the relationship went on to me wanting my own time. When I met my wife, I expected the same thing to happen, but the honeymoon never ended I guess you could say, and thats a big part of why I married her. :o

[Penguin_Woman]

I too don't think wanting to spend time together means your dependant. Of course also, no matter how much in love you are you do have to do some things seperate from time to time. It is important to have time to yourself too. But there's nothing wrong with still spending a lot of time with your s.o. But everyone is different and every situation is different. :D

[mashmac]

I guess yes to begin with I wanted them around a lot but I also enjoyed the looking forward to seeing them, getting ready for it, taking the time to doll up...
You know - I am a girl. I don't think I could work with them. No. When I see people who manage that I am always amazed.

Also, I think now I don't really need anyone anymore. Just a bit of them at times then I want to have my space back. I think at the essence of me is that I do not believe in love anymore so anything to do with it makes me wonder.

[mashmac]

To clarify: The fact that I do not believe in love doesn't mean I don't think it exists. I just don't believe in it for me. I am not made for it.

[EC]

I really like your topic Summit. Though I wouldn't even want to take it into consideration myself, I strongly believe the way each and everyone of us are brought up also make us who we are in relationships and what we are willing to give and longing to get.

As for couples who can spend time together most of their days and night. I think it has a lot to do with how they communicate, what one another do that make the counterpart feels appreciated or appreciate, communication, what they talk about or do during that time, A LOT comes into play.

When your partner goes out, I guess you have a few options:

- Go do something constructive / positive / useful
- Sit there and feel depressed because he / she is not there
- Go meet your friends or family
- Feel happy that your partner actually has a life and when he / she comes back there's something new to talk about

Of course all depends on how much time they need and don't need together / apart from you. Aren't many of us funny? Appreciate their existence when they're not around :D

Mashmac, there's no black and white, I am guessing what you're saying is you don't believe / need certain things "right now".

[summit]

thats a good point about communication, never really thought about it that way, and now that I do, I can tell you that the girls I have dated that I felt I needed my space, I did not have as much in common with, hence not as much to talk about, where as my wife and I have alot in common, and we can sit there for hours discussing whether there life in space, or how they get the caramilk in the caramilk bar :D

[EC]

Summit lol, sorry to break the news, I guess you and your wife will have to take me to a nice dinner now http://www3.ns.sympatico.ca/mt-edward/cadbury.htm