a sad conclusion ...

[esm1976]

Hi everyone,

I have recently come to a very sad conclusion about my situation. I feel hopeless, and after about a year, I have come to the realization that I'm stuck in a terrible situation, and there's nothing I can do. I've posted about this before, but I'll give you the back story anyway. For about a year I've had feelings for a guy, but we've never been more than just friends. I moved out of state last summer, and I haven't even seen him in about 8 months, but I think about him every day, and I think I love him. He is the most wonderful guy I have ever known, and all I have wanted since I left is to see him again. But he's in some kind of relationship. I don't really know how serious it is, but he's been dating her for at least several months I think. But I'm not sure. He assures me that he wants to be friends, and he enjoys talking to me. We email each other regularly. And I thought I sensed a mutual attraction between us before I moved away. On one occasion I felt almost certain that he was flirting with me. I was definitely flirting with him and I thought he was flirting back. But then shortly after, he tells me he's seeing someone else. Whatever our relationship is, it started with us sort of casually talking and flirting a bit, or what I thought was flirting, and then I asked him out. He turned me down but agreed to be friends. I've been heartbroken ever since because I think he could have been the love of my life, if we had gotten together. I hardly ever feel this way about anyone, so it's a really big deal. I meet a guy I really care about probably only once in several years on average. I've only loved one other guy before him, and I'm in my 30s. I thought maybe I'd get over him when after I moved and I didn't see him for a while. I wondered if I should try to get out and meet someone else, but the more I think about it, the more convinced I am that there's no use trying. I can only think of him, and I have no interest whatsoever in meeting anyone else or even thinking about the possibility of loving someone else. I'm not really looking for any advice here, but I just need to express myself I guess. I think I'm probably going to always be alone now, because I feel incapable of loving anyone else. I feel this emptiness inside, like something is missing and nothing is right without him in my life. I used to feel so good when I was around him, but now I'm depressed every day. I don't look forward to anything anymore. I would do anything just to see him again. I feel trapped in an impossible situation.

[MickeyDeanEveryone]

I am sorry you are going through such a tough time. I definitely know what it's like to have someone not return the same feelings that you have given. It is always good to vent and get things off your chest, so making this thread is good for you :D. I was actually in the guys situation a few months back, and if he is anything like me it is not easy for him either. I had a very dear friend of mine tell me she was in love with me, but I had to break her heart because I did not feel the same :(. We ended up being able to be friends again after a month or so of her cooling off. I do believe you will do the same and be very happy, it is always tough at first though.
Also it kind of sucks that he flirted back and lead you on....I know flirting is fun and all, but he should be more responsible and put your feelings into consideration. The way I see it, if you're going to flirt...you better have the actions to back it up!

Hope you feel better soon! Try going out with your friends as much as possible and have a good time :cool:

[**Sapphire**]

I'm sorry to hear that your going through this rough time hun. Try to take more time for yourself, like Mickey said spend more time with friends/family. Go out & do things for yourself, now is the time to be a bit selfish. Try to mend your heart & move on from there.

You will find someone, sometimes it just takes time. It sucks when it takes time, but the right 1 is out there for you. I was alone a pretty long time until I met my fiance, heck I had given up on love, then BAM there he was, basically when I wasn't looking anymore.

We are all here for you on or off the forum whenever you need us. :)

[lisa843]

Sorry to hear you are feeling like that....

and you say you're not looking for any advice....so all I can say is good luck with all that. Hope things get better for you soon. take care.

[esm1976]

I am sorry you are going through such a tough time. I definitely know what it's like to have someone not return the same feelings that you have given. It is always good to vent and get things off your chest, so making this thread is good for you :D. I was actually in the guys situation a few months back, and if he is anything like me it is not easy for him either. I had a very dear friend of mine tell me she was in love with me, but I had to break her heart because I did not feel the same :(. We ended up being able to be friends again after a month or so of her cooling off. I do believe you will do the same and be very happy, it is always tough at first though.
Also it kind of sucks that he flirted back and lead you on....I know flirting is fun and all, but he should be more responsible and put your feelings into consideration. The way I see it, if you're going to flirt...you better have the actions to back it up!

Hope you feel better soon! Try going out with your friends as much as possible and have a good time :cool:

I was just wondering about your friend, when you say you didn't feel the same, was it because you were in a relationship with someone else or would you never be interested in her regardless? Not that it matters much, the result is the same, but when I first asked this guy out, he said "I appreciate you asking, but right now I'm dating someone," as if his answer might have been different if he wasn't already involved with someone. So I thought that maybe if I kept him as a friend, if his situation changed, and he wasn't dating anyone anymore, he might be interested in me later on. And for a long time, after I moved, we were emailing, and he never even mentioned anyone, so I didn't know what was going on. So finally I asked him, and I told him I was still interested in him if he ever wanted anything to happen, and he said he was still dating someone. I told him that I would understand if he just didn't think of me that way at all, whether or not there was someone else, but still he didn't say for sure that nothing could ever be possible. He said nothing to rule this out entirely. Shouldn't he be completely clear about this? If there is no way, ever, even hypthetically, assuming he didn't have anyone, shouldn't he say that, so I won't keep hoping that someday something might happen, maybe years down the road? And now I feel kind of foolish bringing it up at all. And it's been almost a year since I asked him the first time, and so much for cooling off in a month, I still feel as bad as I did last March. But we are making an effort to keep in touch and be friends. As for the flirting, I don't know, maybe he didn't think what he was doing was flirting. Maybe he thought he was just being friendly and I misunderstood. If it was flirting, it was subtle anyway because we worked at the same place, and we were having lunch with a group of people from work. But still I thought there was something between us that day, like there was a moment when he seemed to be sort of acknowledging me as someone he found attractive or interesting. But maybe it was my wishful thinking making me believe something was there that wasn't.