Davey Crockett
04-05-2006, 04:00 PM
Online dating can really be amusing. A lot of people even find it workable and gratifying. In fact, there are more benefits than you might realise if you haven't tried it for yourself.
However, not all online dating escapades produce positive results in the end. There are instances where the expectations sometimes go out of hand when executed in reality.
Take for example the case of a person who was lucky enough to find somebody he thinks is the right girl for him. He replied on her profile and when he received an answer from the girl, they started to communicate frequently.
What happens on their online dating is a series of continuous communication, exchanging messages, chatting continuously, and spending hours over the phone.
Because of the instant chemistry that evolved each time they talk to each other, the guy had emotionally built up the possibility of having a true, and not virtual, relationship with the girl. That is why he decided to set up their first real date.
When they met for lunch, everything seemed to crumble into pieces. The girl appeared to be somewhat different than what the guy had expected or recalled. Worse still, their erstwhile cheerful and lively conversation suddenly became stiff and strained.
When the date comes to an end, even though the girl said that she had a nice time and enjoyed the day, the problem is still there. The guy does not know what to say or do.
This kind of situation is not uncommon in the world of online dating. There are many cases where two people just don't click when they meet in person.
A lot of people who are involved in online dating usually ask why such things happen. They find it hard to believe that the person they have learned to like (and love) online is entirely different when in person.
Hence, they try to assess themselves what went wrong. Is it their point of view that has changed? Were they deceived by the other person? Or was it just wrong from the very start?
The problem with most people is they fail to keep in mind that when they communicate to their dates online, they are really communicating, not with a person but with a series of texts. This is because any answers can always be fabricated or the other person can always deceive his or her date.
So when this happens, personal meetings often end up like the one mentioned above. This is because reality is entirely different from what the computer screen illustrates.
Nevertheless, in real life, we should know how to gradually exit from the situation without having to hurt the other person's feelings.
So, for people who wish to know how to do this, here's a list of some useful tips that you can use that make rejections a little easier to bear.
1. It would be better not to delve on the issue about not having the right chemistry in the first place, or point out the reason why an individual cannot pursue the dating any longer.
In order to break things up easily, don't focus on the issue of not getting the expectations one had started to build before you met in person.
Don't excuse yourself on the grounds that your date is not good-looking enough, or be hurtful in any way.
2. Instead, try to explain the importance of finding each other's right mate in order to build a happy relationship.
An individual should at least try to make an extra effort on explaining how chemistry works with two people and that lack of such value could be detrimental in one's relationship.
3. Excuses will only make the matter worse.
Rejections should be instigated in such a way that the other person will not be hurt. If you just make lousy excuses the other person will sense this and be more hurt.
4. People should be consistent in their decisions.
If you start to tell the other person that you think the relationship will not work, but are not firm in the decision, you will only make the matter worse and generate negative feelings.
5. It's best allow your date to express his or her sentiments and ask questions. Then answer the questions as honestly as possible.
The bottom line here is that when a person gets disappointed after meeting his or her online date in person, it would be better to set things straight at once and put an end on the situation before it gets out of hand.
Try and understand how your date is feeling and be kind to them, even though you are about to cut the relationship. If you were in their place, you would want your date to be kind to you.
It is all a matter of being sensitive at the same time being honest on what the other person would feel.
However, not all online dating escapades produce positive results in the end. There are instances where the expectations sometimes go out of hand when executed in reality.
Take for example the case of a person who was lucky enough to find somebody he thinks is the right girl for him. He replied on her profile and when he received an answer from the girl, they started to communicate frequently.
What happens on their online dating is a series of continuous communication, exchanging messages, chatting continuously, and spending hours over the phone.
Because of the instant chemistry that evolved each time they talk to each other, the guy had emotionally built up the possibility of having a true, and not virtual, relationship with the girl. That is why he decided to set up their first real date.
When they met for lunch, everything seemed to crumble into pieces. The girl appeared to be somewhat different than what the guy had expected or recalled. Worse still, their erstwhile cheerful and lively conversation suddenly became stiff and strained.
When the date comes to an end, even though the girl said that she had a nice time and enjoyed the day, the problem is still there. The guy does not know what to say or do.
This kind of situation is not uncommon in the world of online dating. There are many cases where two people just don't click when they meet in person.
A lot of people who are involved in online dating usually ask why such things happen. They find it hard to believe that the person they have learned to like (and love) online is entirely different when in person.
Hence, they try to assess themselves what went wrong. Is it their point of view that has changed? Were they deceived by the other person? Or was it just wrong from the very start?
The problem with most people is they fail to keep in mind that when they communicate to their dates online, they are really communicating, not with a person but with a series of texts. This is because any answers can always be fabricated or the other person can always deceive his or her date.
So when this happens, personal meetings often end up like the one mentioned above. This is because reality is entirely different from what the computer screen illustrates.
Nevertheless, in real life, we should know how to gradually exit from the situation without having to hurt the other person's feelings.
So, for people who wish to know how to do this, here's a list of some useful tips that you can use that make rejections a little easier to bear.
1. It would be better not to delve on the issue about not having the right chemistry in the first place, or point out the reason why an individual cannot pursue the dating any longer.
In order to break things up easily, don't focus on the issue of not getting the expectations one had started to build before you met in person.
Don't excuse yourself on the grounds that your date is not good-looking enough, or be hurtful in any way.
2. Instead, try to explain the importance of finding each other's right mate in order to build a happy relationship.
An individual should at least try to make an extra effort on explaining how chemistry works with two people and that lack of such value could be detrimental in one's relationship.
3. Excuses will only make the matter worse.
Rejections should be instigated in such a way that the other person will not be hurt. If you just make lousy excuses the other person will sense this and be more hurt.
4. People should be consistent in their decisions.
If you start to tell the other person that you think the relationship will not work, but are not firm in the decision, you will only make the matter worse and generate negative feelings.
5. It's best allow your date to express his or her sentiments and ask questions. Then answer the questions as honestly as possible.
The bottom line here is that when a person gets disappointed after meeting his or her online date in person, it would be better to set things straight at once and put an end on the situation before it gets out of hand.
Try and understand how your date is feeling and be kind to them, even though you are about to cut the relationship. If you were in their place, you would want your date to be kind to you.
It is all a matter of being sensitive at the same time being honest on what the other person would feel.