Slowly fading out

[roxydog]

I've been watching this forum for a while, so I'll stop being a voyeur and introduce myself. I'm glad to see so many people working themselves through difficult situations, not because I want anyone to hurt but because it makes us human and makes us understand other people on a much deeper level. When you realize that your not the only one hurting, you can help others and not be so quick to cause damage in return.

Personally, I think I'm beyond recovery, I've been hurt irreparebly.

I grew up being the awkward, ugly person throughout school and being pushed aside, never grew any character or relationship skills. By not having friends, girlfriends etc. I don't know how to.

I believe that I am fairly attractive and have a nice body, this has gotten me plenty of one-night stands and drunken sex. But like I said I have 0 skills in building anything more than that. I don't even know how to be interesting, funny or approachable. Through so many years of hiding my emotions and being isolated, I don't know how to express or make contact.

To top it off, last year I met a nice girl who was to be my first girlfriend. Everything seemed great, she had said she loved me, I was so happy. But...having no ability to go deeper, to even hold an interesting conversation, when the passion disappeard, she found me pathetic. We broke up on fairly friendly terms, I had said that I wanted her to be happy, even if it couldn't be with me. She made no argument and said that yes, we should break up. Not even a single sign of emotion.

Now I'm finding out that she can't stand me, not for anything I've done, or said, but because I have no externalized soul. I can't make anyone smile, be happy, feel anything. She feels like I was a mistake, and that she must have been deluded when she thought she could have had feelings for me.

I'm trying to move on, but I don't know how. I have no other relationship history to be able to say, no worries, I'll find someone new. I feel now that I am unlovable, that I will never find happiness. I want to be more exciting, more interesting, more passionate, but I don't know how.

I'm not sure how much longer I can continue.

[Penguin_Woman]

Well, thank you for coming out of hiding. We do appreciate it. A belated welcome to you. I do not beleive anyone to be unloveable. But I do beleive in the power of self-talk. If you tell yourself you are unlovable and you do so enough you may make yourself beleive it and then you reflect that to others. Do you have any friends? Maybe they can help you. Perhaps you could get counseling or something. Also there's a lot of classes, seminars and such dealing with how to help you be comfortable around the opposite sex. I'm afraid my mind is a bit scattered right now. But someone else could offer more insight.

[roxydog]

Thanks for the answer. It's really not a matter of being shy, I have no troubles playing the game and having fun with a girl for one night. It's that in the long run I'm boring, I don't know how to go deeper, to be thrilling and it doesn't just affect girls, my friendships are only shallow too, because I'm not exciting. Noone wants to pick up the phone for me to encourage them or make them laugh or anything, because I don't know how to.

[Penguin_Woman]

Wasn't saying you were shy. I was just saying that these things (seminars, classes) could help you be more engaging maybe. Though, in this movie I watched (they had a lot of psychologists and dating coaches on staff) said to use what you are. Not to try to be someone or something that your not. Work with what you have. Maybe write down some positives about yourself...and negtives. Then figure out how to emphasize your positives and work on your negatives. starting with the negative self-talk..