What to do next seriously?!

[buffdude702]

I've been with my girlfriend for about 6 months and its been a serious relationship, to make a long story short, we've been very intimate nonstop since day 1, physically, mentally, pretty much the whole 9 yards of a loving couple. Now for the past week all of a sudden I feel some distance from her, shes a bit more defensive, gets an attitude when i touch her, she has a bit more attitude, doesnt wan't to knock boots you can say, (she says shes not in the mood lately) even when I try to initiate it or try foreplay, I've already talked to her about this today, she says she doesnt know what im talking about and she feels there no distance, that im over reacting, If i was then why would I bring this topic up for discussion, shes not pregnant since she just got off her period recently, and possibly more stressful lately.

And she's never been like this before till now, and of course everyone has myspace, i dont care much about it, but i do go on it to keep in touch with old friends, but all of a sudden she changes things around on her myspace, not like before where she barely did anything, she took off some pictures of us together, changed some verbing around in profile etc, pretty much something noticeable that is very different. Anyway, today she asked me if i wanted to go drink with her at her friends place, and that her bestfriend will be there too, and hang out as well which is okay since hes ****, so i know he isnt trying to hit on her or anything in that nature. But she and I havent drank in nearly 3 months, and all of a sudden she wants to drink today and is anxious about it, not sure if its a coincidence but all these things have been occuring one by one in this past week. Should I assume that she might be talking to someone else? or is doing something sneaky behind my back??

[Tuxie]

Welcome buffdude702 to ATLF! :)

Hmmm... well, I could TELL you what it looks like. But I sort of think you already know WHAT it looks like. The only way you're going to know for sure, is to get her to talk about it. Sure, she says she doesn't know what you're talking about... but you seem to have some valid concerns. I think you need to sit her down, and communicate these things to her... how you're feeling, how these things are making you feel. That's really the only way you're going to know. Good luck with everything... keep us updated.

[buffdude702]

well we just had a long and serious talk last night, I specifically discussed the issues I was very concerned with, it was a bit difficult for her to admit or say certain things, which she was hiding nothing that would jeopardize our relationship. It comes down to it, and I was on target about what she was feeling, the reason for those different behavior changes is because this past week she just has been just a little bored, not being active going out to places, we would stay in, watch a movie thats it, the slight boredom she felt during the week made her bit inactive and not intimate which I can understand, she wanted to tell me this but didnt know how to, so I had to help her say it, plus she has difficulty explaining herself with any issue and thats how shes been since childhood as she says. She tangles her words easily. She says its both of us, that were not doing anything, and I tell her that she should make decisions as well, and not to leave it soley up to me all the time to make the decisions, which I've been doing all these times, and that it must be an even balance, and by leaving it to me, makes me feel like I'm putting more effort then she is. Then she finally understood that and realized it, and will work on making decisions as well rather then just me.

She pretty much felt that boredom by staying at home, since shes there most of the day. I understand that, but she never said anything till I had to mention this entire issue to her because I was the one that noticed the distance, and that distance I was vibing from her was the boredom she had lately not doing anything. she also admits that shes afraid of asking me questions, like if i want to go out and do something cause she feels I might say no, any by her not speaking up, thats why we didn't really do anything this past week or so, which I noticed too but didnt really mind it. So now shes learning how to ask me questions without hesitating. She did hide the fact she wanted to spend a bit more time with her bestfriend and she says she doesn't want to lose contact with him, and shes afraid to ask me if she can hang out with him, because I might think she's doing something behind my back, so she ends up not hanging out with him. I don't mind it as I said to her, and to just be courteous when you want to ask me something rather then assume I will have a negative response, which prevents her from asking me a question. Shes pretty much afraid that she might ask the wrong questions, and doesnt know if it is wrong or not, and that I might get furious and break up with her. I told her don't think like that, and to ask me anyway since she doesn't know what I will say. Also her bestfriend is gay so I know that hes not there to take her away from me. So we ended up clearing things up for the most part as well with my main concerns. Both making sure we understood what was going on, then topped off the rest of the good night knocking boots. I'll still have my guard up, but with much more relief, ill let the weeks go by and see how things progress. What would be your take on this ?

[aussiecoffee007]

i think this newfound communication is a wonderful thing, im glad you two are getting your feelings out in the open despite the tangles and you having to initiate it and such :) and i don't think anything is happening with the best friend--if she is realizing that she shouldnt be completely and utterly dependent on you, which is NOT a bad thing, you both need to keep with your own lives as well as your relationship. perhaps since this is your first real fight, she thinks that she shouldnt be wholly dependent on your love to be happy. which is good. dont worry.

[buffdude702]

Thanks for the help, really appreciate it, gives me some good relief and reassurance.