Is she not into me or does she just want to take things slow?

[ABA]

I met this girl several months ago, since then we’ve hung out maybe 7 or 8 times with friends and just the two of us. I really feel attracted to this girl and I want to move our friendship to another level and I do believe that she wants to do the same but for some reason every time I try to get close to her when we are alone she pushes me away. I don’t want to lose her trust so I always back off. We’ve never kissed not even cuddled, the only thing we’ve done is hug and that doesn’t even happen that often. I do believe that she likes me in a more than a friend way though. The majority of the time she’s willing to hangout whenever I invite her to do something, last week I invited her and her best friend to play some drinking games and when I played against her friend she told us she didn’t know who to cheer for. She does say that I’m a pretty cool person and that she’s happy that she has met me. The other day when we I walked her back to her dorm she told me that she would see me back in my hometown during winter break.

The problem is the whole her pushing me away part whenever I try to get closer to her, for instance whenever I try sit closer to her she tends to scoot away from me. I am somewhat shy myself when it comes to intimacy, I feel like the girl has to come on to me before I do anything otherwise I feel like she doesn’t want me and im going to creep her out and loose her trust if I do. So my question is, is she just not into me or should I start showing her more affection or what? And how do I go about it without creeping her out and stuff?

[~Teej~]

Hi ABA

I think what this girl is trying to tell you is that she likes you as a friend and nothing else will happen.

The moving away when you get closer than that indicates to me this is what she is thinking.

Of course the only way to know for sure is to ask her.

I would say though that she is more than likely just interested in being your friend

[daisychip]

I have to agree with Teej on this one. I'm sure she probably knows what you'd like but doesn't know how to let you know she's not interested w/o hurting you. You could clear it up if you wanted maybe saying something like......(I get the feeling you're not really interested in 'dating' me but just so you know, I would like to date you so if you change your mind......) That way you both are not stepping around the issue and can relax with each other.

[**Sapphire**]

I agree with what has been said before me. She may not know how to tell you that she isn't interested in your romantically.

She could also be a little leery of being close to you or possibly any guy, she could be shy. Do you know if when you 2 hang out with other friends if she shys away from other people like that?

The best thing you can do is have a talk with her, ask her if she isn't OK with being close as friends or even something more.

[ABA]

She does seem kinda quite when she's in a group of people she doesn't know, when she's with people she knows she's a totally different person. Energetic and outgoing and very talkative. I've never seen her with other guys and i'm pretty sure she's never had a real relationship. She did tell me about a friend of hers who traveled with her to jamaica during the summer for some school thing. She says she's going to greece with him the next summer to visit his family but doesn't know how to tell him that she's not romantically interested in him because he thinks they are. She says he was always touchy with her and that she was never into that, and that she viewed him as a brother.

Although when it does come to the niddy griddy next time i see her i'm just going to ask her how she feels about our whole friendship.

[MickeyDeanEveryone]

...Although when it does come to the niddy griddy next time i see her i'm just going to ask her how she feels about our whole friendship.
Hey Aba,
It sounds like a 50/50 shot right now that she either wants you only as a friend or is just shy. I would talk to her about it and let her know how you feel, you wont find out any other way...especially if she is a shy one.

[**Sapphire**]

Good for you ABA, let her know what's going on, have that talk with her. :thumb:

Come on back & let us know how it went when you do talk to her.

[ABA]

Well I went out with her this weekend. The date went pretty well, we had a pretty good time. I did not get a chance to ask her how she felt about our friendship, there wasn’t a really a good opportunity to do so. I do still feel that she is romantically interested in me. When we went our separate ways she opened her arms first and waited for me to hug her then she told me when she would be available to hang out again.

Although we had a pretty good time I got a little frustrated towards the end of the date. It seemed like every time I tried to get closer to her, whether it was to sit really close to her or put my arm around her or hold her hand she would always reject my advances. I'm really starting to loose interest in her. I still like the girl but for goodness sakes it’s been like 3 months and the most we’ve done is hug. I just don’t understand why shes so prunish, it’s obvious that I like her and that she likes me yet nothings happening. Ahhh

[daisychip]

maybe you're just going to have to tell her straight up how you feel and what you want. just ask for what you want. i think it would be better just to take the 'all at once' rejection if that's what would happen than to keep going through this frustration, rejected little by little. And just maybe there's reason to her behavior and you could find it out.

[~Teej~]

ABA...I have been here, It lasted for months and caused a lot of heartache...I would ask her what she feels and deal with that response....It's better than it carrying on like this...At least you will know where you stand.

[**Sapphire**]

I have to agree with what has been said before me ABA. Your best bet is to ask her how she feels about you. If she tells you that she does like you, then you could talk to her about why she seems very shy.

There could be something that happened to her & that could be why she doesn't get close to you or want you to get close to her.

First though, find out how she feels about you, no matter what she says it's better than being so confused & wondering all the time.