urgent--suicidal friend

[aussiecoffee007]

my friend (yes this is truly a friend, not me in disguise) lately has gone a bit insane, out of his mind, he is suicidal and wants his life to end. he got his girlfriend pregnant and was thrilled, he wanted the child. but she didnt, and she got he/she aborted, and now he is plagued with grief, he keeps the ultrasounds and hears a child crying all the time, starts hearing her/his voice crying to him. i need help quickly and desperately, i want him to stop thinking of suicide and also, to find some way to heal his grief. i dont know how to help him, and you were the only people i thought to go for this one. please help.

[Tuxie]

If he's hearing the child crying, he need professional counselling to deal with the grief. Might even look at temporary medication. As for FAST help, I don't know that there's a lot we can suggest. Certainly, your friendship will be something he will need at this time. Support is important. I hope all will be ok.

[mashmac]

Aussie, one of my childhood friends attempted suicide only ten days ago. Years of various problems. She was immediately hospitalized and is now kept under close watch, heavy treatment and undergoing therapy. This has unfortunately been going on for years. And every time we have to check her in.
And we just won't give up. Our group of friends, our families - we just won't give up on her. You need to get him into a hospital as fast as possible and alert his relatives/friends. You can not save him by yourself. It's really the breaking point.

[aussiecoffee007]

he is on medication but apparently its not helping. and he cant afford professional psychiatry. i just dont know what to say when he talks about his pain, ive never felt anything as deeply as he does this, and he looks at me and expects me to talk adn i cant.

mashmac--im really sorry about your friend, but im glad she is seeking help. what do you say to her when she talks about her suicidal feelings? what do you say at all?

[mashmac]

I tell her I love her so so much and that she has to remember how much we care and how awful we would feel it she was gone. I tell her stories about the way we were. We've all known each other since we were six years old. She knows and understands and she is fine for a while and then.. She has been anorexic since our teens and she will never really be able to recover. Too much mental and physical damage. In this part of the world you social security takes care of the costs for such situations.

Again, I am not alone helping her, our parents, friends, everybody. But aren't there support groups in your area or phone hot lines you can call where you live? Also Aussie - once again you can not carry this by yourself. You can not take on that responsibility. Doesn't he have a family? What he is going though must be horrific. Where is the girlfriend?

[aussiecoffee007]

no, we live in different countries (!) so its very hard to tell him how i feel and help him like i feel i should... he lives in a very poor city with no one there, no one to help him, and they dont have hotlines where he lives. but i feel like im the only person, there are two of us, two friends, and thats it against all the demons hes fighting. he didnt tell his family--premarital sex and pregnancy, not good. dont know where the gf is, i think hes not seeing anyone right now.

[EC]

Tell him how much you need him (In a friend sense), how he's your best mate and things you want to do with him. Heck, plan a trip to see him if that's possible!

He needs to know he's not alone, be a good listener, watch out for things he say, pick up any signs that might indicate he might do it. If you have other friends, or his friends' phone numbers, call them and let them know, make sure you don't call wrong people that might spread news badly about your friend.

He needs all the support he can get, do not fuel his sadness or hatred, keep him happy even if it's not all that possible right now.

Make him hold on longer, as long as possible, help him through this critical phrase.

I've lost someone very close to my heart 2 months ago, he committed suicide, and trust me he will hurt A LOT of people and not just himself.

[aussiecoffee007]

he doesnt seem to think anyone will care if he goes. what do i say to rectify this? i cant plan a trip to see him, however much i wish i could. there are factors beyond my control.

im very sorry about your friend, i understand how hard that must have been for you.. .and he will hurt everyone, he just doesnt think he will.

[mashmac]

ask him how he would feel if you were not around. You know this is the time where he might be surprised to find out his relatives do care, no mattet what. And really he needs to find a person in his enviroment to give him a big hug. Until then - don't give up and talk or just make him talk. There is still so much ahead of him, have u looked on the net a bit for more advise, tips?

[aussiecoffee007]

no i dont really know where to find them... just google-search "suicidal friend"? and i asked him and he said, id hate my life, but thats because youre you and im me and no one would care if I went... and he seems to want to talk about how upset he is, all the time, i just dont know how to be a good listener for this type of thing. does he want me to respond? agree with him? plead with him?

[EC]

Aussiecoffee007, don't forget that it's about listening to him as well as telling him things.

[Tuxie]

i just dont know what to say when he talks about his pain, ive never felt anything as deeply as he does this, and he looks at me and expects me to talk adn i cant.

Aussiecoffee007, don't forget that it's about listening to him as well as telling him things.
Exactly right EC... sometimes, the best thing is to just listen. Even if you don't know what to say...

[aussiecoffee007]

I know, and he talks about it which I take as a good sign, but then he pauses or looks at me with this face, this face that expects me to heal him, and he just looks at me like that, with that look, and I can't find words. and then he will start on a, "forget this, see you don't care either" and I always reassure him I do, but i cant think of something to SAY that makes him understand that he will be deeply missed if hes gone and life is worth living.

[Tuxie]

Tell him that even though you often time don't know what to say, that you're still there for him. Let him know, you can listen.. and just having someone to hear what he's saying should help him.

[aussiecoffee007]

thanks to all of you guys... i know, he just says he expects responses to what hes saying. he wants feedback... argh i just hope that he is beyond that point of actually considering it, and moves on to getting help for it...:confused: