3 way relationship Male - Female - Female

[summit]

First time poster, figuring I would get some more opinions since this is not something that I would really go around asking people in person, but advice on this subject is almost impossible to come across. Anyways let me first start off by saying I am not looking for advice on whether its morally right or wrong, or if its against gods will and all that, I have already made up my mind in that regard.

Anyways to make a long story short my wife and I of 4 years have always had a wild sex life, she is bisexual and we had a few good friends that we trusted 100% who we could have over from time to time for a nights worth of good times with both of us, it was always great fun, and there was never a shred of jelousy from either side, since we both know how we feel about each other, and are comfortable with the fact that one is not going to leave the other for "another girl". Our relationship is solid beyond anything, we are more in love with each other with every morning we wake up together. Recently we both brought up the idea of having a girlfriend, and have her come stay with us, we toyed with the idea, but never thought we would find someone who would be into that.

Well we did find someone, she is very much into both of us, as we are very much into her, she recently told us she has strong feelings for us both, and would like to be monogomous with us, as we already had been anyways (We dont sleep around we have to know the person very well for 2 years+ and only do it once in a while to spice things up). We have all talked extensively and honestly on how it would work, and have made it very clear to her than my wife and I are solid beyond any kind of feelings we would ever have towards her, but thats not to say we would not love her, I believe communication and honesty to be most important. We have also talked about all the "whats ifs" and so on as regards to any jelousy, I have come up with every circumstance possible to see if jelousy would be a problem, and I am quite confident from our past, and her answers and actions it would not be, she actually loved waking up with the 3 of us, me in the middle and I was spooning the new girl, which I thought might at least make her a bit jelous, but no, she could only grin and say how cute it was, the same goes for me when they were cuddling during a recent movie, I love it.

They are both incredibly good looking, I don't know how I managed to land 1 of these beatiful women let alone 2, especially since my wife took me years to find (Its hard to find women who like to camp, fish, get muddy etc.), but what makes me so curious is the fact that it is more than physical, we all have the same interests, same personality, we all get along so well without any sense of akwardness, and no one feels threatened or left out. We always make sure to include her in everything so she never feels like the third wheel which was a concern of hers, but we all really feel like one big family, and so natural. It has gotten to the point now where we want her to move in, but I want to get some peoples opinions first before taking the step, because I see this as a big one and we have yet to rush anything along without thinking it through completely first, so why start now. So what do you think, is it possible for 3 people to live together and love together long term? anyone have experience? if so how was it?

I apologize in advance if this is a religeously charged forum as I know my post will not be accepted well if it is, but just thought I would throw it out there, get as much feedback as I can, but again as far as if its morally right or wrong, please dont go there, I respect your opinion so please respect mine.

Thanks in advance

[EC]

I like the way you think, mature, its your choice to choose what you want to do, you respect us, I am sure we can respect you too, at least I do respect you.

To be able to give advises, lets say 'opinions', I may need to assume and express personal opinions, just want you to be aware of that. No, I am in no way religiously charged in any ways.

If you can work it out then it's good for you, one thing to consider is you have 3 people's feelings and emotions to be looked after and watched out for.

Personally, I believe that it would work short term, possible view to long term, but if anyone of you 3 starts to feel different it would have an impact on the other 2. If it's the third person it would be easier if she ever wants out in the future as you and your wife (The word committed comes to mind) can move on and work on each other with what to do with change of interests.

Things could get messy if either you or your wife has a change in interest. Eg. Don't want to do it anymore, then for example you're still into this 3 way relationship and your wife wants you all to herself or not into it anymore while you're still having this connection with all of them. Because no one can tell the future and how they will change or feel in the future.

On the positive side, it could all work out between the 3 of you's, also depends on how you define long term, based on no relgions, no gods, no nothing, I think it won't last forever and one day in the future when the issue comes up you all will have to deal with it one way or the other.

If your partner one day finds herself that she wants to be a lesbian. She may leave you for the other woman, I know you had extensive talks, but like I said, nothing is certain or as it seems.

If its the other woman that wants to be only with a man, I said IF, she may choose to leave and both you and your wife can be at least try to understand, let her go and get on with your life.

Or the other woman could want to be with only a man, you, then it could be hard, because you won't know how you feel in the future. Again, future something that hasn't arrived, you can plan about it and talk about it all you want, but nothing is certain.

I've quoted this on this forum before but I will do it again for you:

"I do not believe today what I believed yesturday, I wonder if I will believe tomorrow what I believe today"

Good luck, by the way you're one **** of a lucky man, not because you're spooning two women, but because you have a wonderful wife who understands, willing to try and experiment, with you, and not with someone else behind your back.

Sometimes its all about waiting for the right person, sometimes it all about seeing what you've got and be happy with it.

[summit]

thanks for the very well thought out post, I appreciate it, and I do understand the future can change everything, and nothing is as concrete as it may seem now. I think if it was to work, we would have to be in honest communication constantly between all 3 of us, without that it would be a ticking time bomb in my opinion. And yes with out without another women, I am a very lucky man to have a women like my wife. Thanks again, gives me alot to think about

[mashmac]

Hello Summit. Interesting one, but that's an understatement.

We certainly haven't had it before. Don't worry, we agreed a long time ago on this forum not to judge each other and yours is exactly the kind of scenario we like debating about. We all came here with issues. Some less orthodox
than others...:o

To me, the first thing that comes to mind as a woman is - don't you and your wife want a family one day? It seems from your post that you made it pretty clear to the second lady that that was your "primary relationship". And both your women are quite special and you as EC say incredibly lucky cause isn't this almost every men's favorite fantasy? So what happens then?

I can't say I know of or have experienced anything similar but I am so not into girls but boys so...

I don't really think you can get a definitive answer on this one but I also do not believe you shouldn't enjoy it now when it's happening. What other option is there than to take a chance? All three of you want to be together.

You clearly have something quite unique happening between the three of you and have connected on an incredible level emotionally, intellectually and that leads to perfection physically. I can only imagine what incredible ecstasy you are experiencing. And could be slightly envious too!

Can you imagine there three of you watching the sunset together when you are old or is there only one person that comes to mind?

I really want to see the developments of this one so I hope you will come back and keep us up to date. And I want to ponder on it a bit more...

PS: Are you all the same age?

[EC]

Mashmac makes a good point there, do you see the three of you sitting there together, standing the ultimate test, the test of time.

If you don't see that happening, you would have already known that this is not for a long term and one day someone will have to go.

[summit]

Again, great points. As for a family we have decided at this time to hold off we still have alot to do and see, you could say we are being greedy right now with "our time" hehe and we are leaning towards not even having kids, but again that was a concern of mine in the case we did one day, one that I was hesitant to bring up at all since if this topic alone isnt explosive, bringing kids into it sure is :eek: , this is something that I would have to think long and hard about whether it would be morally right, whether it would be fair to a child, we have a choice, it would not, right now I would say no, but it isnt really something I have given much in depth thought too, since more chances than not, it would not be an issue, but still something to be prepared for.

As far as sitting with the 3 of them enjoying a sunset, I actually really liked the thought of that when pictured in my head, I could really see that, but for me to say at this time would be hard because my wife and I have had alot of years to bond, where we have only had a year with our new love and only a few months of that have been more than friendship so at this time my heart says my wife if I were to have to answer right now, but I can also see that changing with time depending on how our relationship develops. We were just talking today of how we felt when my wife and I met, it was an explosive time where we just clicked, and were just seemed to be made for each other, we both get that same feeling with her, out of the many girls I have dated, these 2 were the only ones to ever make my heart flutter I guess you could say, and my wife feels the same, we basically spit it out at the same time.

As far as living my fantasy, yes it dosnt make it so magical anymore once it has been achieved, but the great thing about fantasies is that you can have as many as you want, so I can live with losing a few hehe :D

oh and yes we are all 28

[mashmac]

Hmmm... I assume you would all be sharing one room? Look, it's clearly very unusual. As long as the ladies do not feel their biological clock is ticking.

You seem so confident in the feelings of all tree of you so at the moment there
is nothing really stopping you from giving it a go. Now, how would you present this to the outside world? Your close friends and families? If the three of you want to have a serious relationship that means it would be public too.
Displays of affection etc...

[EC]

There are three of you so there are a few different combinations:

You + Wife + Girl :D
You + Wife :)
You + Girl :confused:
Wife + Girl :(

[summit]

sharing the one room, one bed is all part of the fun, so yeah that has been the arrangment and will remain the arrangment, I cannot see any of us really wanting to change that, as we all really like waking up with each other, except for the fact it gets a little warm for me sometimes sleeping between 2 heaters!

I do feel pretty confident in our feelings for her, especially after spending the weekend with her, we took her out for some fun in the sun, just did normal stuff like we would usually do if it were my wife and I, and we all had the greatest time, to the point where we actually miss her when she is not here.

I think we will give it a go, the weekend was so great, its almost like we took my wife and I, shook us up in a container, and out came her, shes a mix between us both and again we all just seem so naturally comfortable around each other, like 3 peas in a pod, and the great thing is my wife and I like her equally, we both share the same feelings, yet we dont feel threatened at all

We do not yet know how we would tell people about our relationship, its something we have discussed, being as we were already married before she came along, we have 2 options, first is to be open about it, tell everyone how it is, I think we would loose some family and friends, as would she. Option 2 is that she would be a close friend that lives with us. Whats easiest at this point for all of us is for her to be the close friend, its what she also wants to be if other people ask as well, but we have told her that if she ever wants the recognition, and gets tired of being "the friend" to everyone, that we would be open to telling people as well, because her feelings are more important than what people think of us, so in the end its up to her. This is not to do with public displays of affection however, being as we live far away from family, we do not have to hide anything, only the few times a year when they decide to come for a visit, so any kind of public affection is still very much on the table.

It was funny, we went out for dinner, and we were feeding each other from our plates (another plus of a 3 way relationship is the variety of food when you go out to eat!) and just generally being couplish, the poor male server, I felt kinda bad, cuz he kept (sorry I dont have a potically correct term) popping wood when he would come over to our table, since it was kinda obvious we were all together, so we did not see too much of him, poor guy was so embarrassed so I left him a big tip

[Penguin_Woman]

I wasn't going to reply on here, because you don't want to hear about morals. That's fine and I understand. So, in keeping morals out of it...I guess all I can say is if that's what makes y'all happy great. Good luck to you all. Oh and by the way...a belated welcome to ATLF

[summit]

thanks for the welcome and the well wishing, and I appreciate you respecting my decision as far as bringing up morals

[mashmac]

I agree that presenting is a friend living with you is certainly better. And also gives you time to settle in. I must again admit that I have never heard or seen anything similar. Keep us posted! This is like a novel.. And I guess all of you must have a lot of energy to be able to satisfy each other. Is any of you ever asleep and the other making out or do you have rules about that?

[summit]

lots of energy haha, that made me laugh cuz I feel like its going to take me all week to recharge the old batteries hehe I feel like an old man today after the weekend, but no we do not have any rules, we decided right off the bat that if we truly wanted her to feel included and not an outsider, then how could we tell her well I can't do this with you and she can't do this with you, would it still feel as close? I do not think so. We talked about the need for rules, and we covered all the circumstances where they could come in handy, but honestly there is nothing I can do with her that would make my wife jelous, and likewise for myself. My wife goes out while we sleep, alot of times we will have sex, and its only a turn on for her, which leads to more later on... we made it clear from the onset that if the 3 of us have a relationship, then it can be any combination or all 3 of us to be intimate, just the same as when I am gone, I expect them to carry on being intimate.

[skatermom]

personally, I think you are playing with fire.

I consider myself to be open-minded, but I could never do what you are doing. I tried it once and it didn't work. I think even though you have discussed things extensively, it will end up getting screwed up and it will one day ruin your marriage.

that's my opinion, morals and religion notwithstanding.

[mashmac]

I think to be able to achieve this - all involved must really be on a different level from most of us and it sounds like it's working for them. So if they are happy, who are we to tell them the contrary?

I am not saying I would be able to have a relationship like that, far from it, but I am curious why is it so unusual for all of us? It's not all black at white, all those rules we follow...

Just curious...

[summit]

although I appreciate your post skatermom, I think you should be careful to assume things over an internet forum, I mean I can assume that since your 40 years old, been divorced for 12 years and only had 3 serious relationships in that time, that obviously you have problems of your own, and should avoid advising people who have the same problems as yourself, blind leading the blind come to mind? I could also assume that since you seemed to only join for the day, then cancel your membership, that you were only wanting to get you "2 bits" in, whether you truly wanted to help or not, busy body comes to mind?

So would this be fair to you? Hardly I don't know you, I dont know your situation, I know nothing about you except from what I have read, nor do I really believe any of the assumptions I made, just using them as examples, see I can do it too, but its hardly fair to you, as its hardly fair to me you assume my mind was already made up, and I am just coming on here for justification and acceptance, but you are more than welcome to your opinion.

Search for a 3 way relationship, see what you turn up, there is next to nothing, especially a three way loving relationship and personally I feel the need to explore my options thouroghly, and get outside opinions, so where else can you suggest I do so? I would appreciate giving some of this some thought before making me out to be a guy on an ego trip coming in to brag about banging 2 women at the same time, whats the difference between getting advised on loving one women or two women?

[mashmac]

I think skatermom is gone. I wouldn't worry about it too much. I just wonder which side of the bed you sleep on, I wouldn't like to be in the middle cause how can you read? :confused: Or do you rotate? :confused: I guess it all comes naturally. And how are things developing? I assume some times just two of you go out, some times three, guess the advantage is there is always someone to play with! :rolleyes:

[summit]

haha mashmac you crack me up sometimes in regards to always having a playmate all the time so to say hehe, I do sleep in the middle, and I am not one to really read alot, but if I did, I would not do it in bed anyways, it puts me to sleep too quick! But yeah its developing slowly, cautiously, one step at a time but so far, to be honest its great, and we all get this general feeling we do belong together. Usually the 3 of us go out, but alot of times they will go out shopping, get their nails or hair done, do alot of girl stuff together, and im more than happy to stay home, but usually the 3 of us are together, and its been nothing but happiness so far, I guess time will tell.

[mashmac]

It's just that I love reading so it would most definitely be an issue for me! :wiggle:

Anyway my brains are always full of silly questions. I am glad you guys are doing well. It really seems like you are onto something.

[summit]

so its come to and end, its actually kind of funny since this was brought up earlier, but my wife found out last week that I slipped one past the gate :cool: and since we are going to have the child, we want to do whats best for him/her, and have a regular family. Its painful since we both really cared for her, and she us, but she understands completely, and we will always remain good friends, it was alot of fun while it lasted, but we are now starting down a different path in life, definetly an experience none of us regret though, but I tell ya if you think its easier to break up with someone when you already have someone to mourn with, its not... but when I think about what will be coming in a few months time, its not so bad.

All in all it was a great experience, but alot of work, I would do it again if circumstances were different.

[Penguin_Woman]

Despite whatever feelings I may've had on this, I am sorry you guys had to break up with her. Congrats on the baby and I think your doing the right thing

[aussiecoffee007]

slip one past the gate? what does that mean? i also think you made the right decision

[mashmac]

This is great news! Those little monsters just make your life so wonderful. If you need any tips, I have plenty. First one: it will be great. And it all comes naturally. How far gone are you? Sorry about the other lady, she must be really hurting but you are going to be a family now. I can't imagine there would have been another way. This is really lovely summit.