Jenny
10-12-2008, 01:50 PM
Dear All,
I am posting this here to gain a general perspective on what it looks like objectively, so anyone who feels like giving their opinion on this will be most welcome and warmly appreciated.
I was seeing this guy for a year. The affair was started by him, and even though he had a long term partner I succumbed for the first time to have an affair with somebody otherwise unavailable.
Things got deeper, til he chose to be with me, 8 months later.
This could never have happened had he not already told me how much he loved me, wanted to be with me - the guy went on to tell me how he wanted kids, how I was the 'girl of his dreams' how he 'never thought he could find anyone like me' etc etc etc ...
I guess the warning bells should have been ringing when he rang me up that night before he was due to go to Bermuda with his (then) gf, begging me to please help him tell her - he couldn't do it all by himself, he needed me to text her. Understand, folks, that this guy was ringing me from his cell phone in the pub whilst she had popped to the ladies. Also, another important detail is that he actually provided me with her number!!!!!!
Yes - I was naive to remain blind to the fact that this behaviour is disgusting, and no self-respecting gentleman could ever stoop so low. It never occurred to me that this guy was full of sh*t, you see, I believed him when he told me I was 'different' - that he'd 'never felt this way before about anyone else'. BLAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
Anyway, so this is what happened.
We met in the workplace - which was not actually one of the complications to this 'love' affair.
All throughout he maintained this soppy, affectionate, very scary act of true love that I fell for hook line and sinker - and believe me, I am not a stupid girl. I am a very intelligent woman, which is why I am now incredulous to the lies I invited into my life.
So he dumped - no sorry, correction, I dumped his gf for him - bearing in mind that week I wrote her a letter based on what he told me i.e. 'I love you, it's you I want to be with, I do not want to go on this holiday, I do not want you to forget about me, I want you to wait for me, I just can't tell her I can't do it every time I try and yes, like I said already a hundred times, it's you I want to be with' etc etc etc...
Course, he intercepted that letter, and only later realised he made a mistake - which is why he then texted me her number.
So after that, we were not illegitimate anymore. He dumped her. We were free agents to be together.
But after three more months of being messed around, this guy dumps me by text = depsite maintaining up to 3 days before that we were going to be official. (Naturally after his break up he 'needed time', and like a fool, I waited).
Then he suggests that the next week on Friday night we go on a proper date, visit our old haunt - this lovely restaurant we always used to go - have a proper date and then be a couple proper from thereon as he 'KNOWS he's ready now'.
Guess what? That Friday came and all I got was THAT TEXT.
The thing that sticks in my neck is, he always wanted to keep us a secret in the workplace, even though he was not having an affair anymore, and even though everyone knew anyway. Now the company has gone bust, no one has a job here anymore, and he chooses now to dump me. It makes me see that my loyalty to him in helping to keep HIS secret was an evil trick, to keep me placated whilst he bid his time to dump me when he could disappear forever without any repurcussions. I feel like I have been duped into protecting my abuser. Because this whole 'relationship' has been an abuse of my trust - only I have been too nice to see this. I did not recognise his ******-up intent, because I wouldn't even contemplate treating another person like this. (BTW - we all knew for a good couple of months that we would soon be no longer working together - so he bid his time well).
Now then folks - I know I've rambled a bit so I hope this makes vague sense -I'm sure you get the general jist.
Firstly, my point is - how come people like this exist?
I can't lie. I love people. I am genuine. I loathe lies - I can only be honest. I find it terrifying that seemingly harmless people like this exist and can lie so calmly. How and why would somebody do this, even despite being given numerous chances to rationally talk out their truth? I told him when I felt suspicious that things weren't as they seemed, that although it might hurt I can take the truth.
He told me I was the 'loveliest person he ever met'. How could someone be so despicable as to treat me then with such low disrespect?
I find it incomprehensible.
Now then - I know no one ever advises this, but anyone who has any ideas on how to show this man up without losing dignity? I want everyone to know how **** he has behaved, and I want them to know because he has lied to everybody, including one of his best friends. He would be very upset to realise that good old has broken my heart and in such a despicable way. His mate was also good friends with me when he worked here, and quite a morally upright character. I want to give this ******* the fresh start he wants in a way that makes him feel as utterly lonely and desolate as I felt when he took my trust and used it to control my life for a year. In other words - I want to expose him. I want to do it because he stopped me from reacting sooner by his lies at work. If he had shown his true colours sooner, he knows I would have squealed, and he knows that because I have done nothing wrong, and everybody at work loves me, that he would be vilified. He is a coward, and he has to pay.
Who has experience in this kind of situation? Please don't advise me to walk away, this cretin does not get to get away with it this time.
Thank you,
Jenny xxx
I am posting this here to gain a general perspective on what it looks like objectively, so anyone who feels like giving their opinion on this will be most welcome and warmly appreciated.
I was seeing this guy for a year. The affair was started by him, and even though he had a long term partner I succumbed for the first time to have an affair with somebody otherwise unavailable.
Things got deeper, til he chose to be with me, 8 months later.
This could never have happened had he not already told me how much he loved me, wanted to be with me - the guy went on to tell me how he wanted kids, how I was the 'girl of his dreams' how he 'never thought he could find anyone like me' etc etc etc ...
I guess the warning bells should have been ringing when he rang me up that night before he was due to go to Bermuda with his (then) gf, begging me to please help him tell her - he couldn't do it all by himself, he needed me to text her. Understand, folks, that this guy was ringing me from his cell phone in the pub whilst she had popped to the ladies. Also, another important detail is that he actually provided me with her number!!!!!!
Yes - I was naive to remain blind to the fact that this behaviour is disgusting, and no self-respecting gentleman could ever stoop so low. It never occurred to me that this guy was full of sh*t, you see, I believed him when he told me I was 'different' - that he'd 'never felt this way before about anyone else'. BLAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
Anyway, so this is what happened.
We met in the workplace - which was not actually one of the complications to this 'love' affair.
All throughout he maintained this soppy, affectionate, very scary act of true love that I fell for hook line and sinker - and believe me, I am not a stupid girl. I am a very intelligent woman, which is why I am now incredulous to the lies I invited into my life.
So he dumped - no sorry, correction, I dumped his gf for him - bearing in mind that week I wrote her a letter based on what he told me i.e. 'I love you, it's you I want to be with, I do not want to go on this holiday, I do not want you to forget about me, I want you to wait for me, I just can't tell her I can't do it every time I try and yes, like I said already a hundred times, it's you I want to be with' etc etc etc...
Course, he intercepted that letter, and only later realised he made a mistake - which is why he then texted me her number.
So after that, we were not illegitimate anymore. He dumped her. We were free agents to be together.
But after three more months of being messed around, this guy dumps me by text = depsite maintaining up to 3 days before that we were going to be official. (Naturally after his break up he 'needed time', and like a fool, I waited).
Then he suggests that the next week on Friday night we go on a proper date, visit our old haunt - this lovely restaurant we always used to go - have a proper date and then be a couple proper from thereon as he 'KNOWS he's ready now'.
Guess what? That Friday came and all I got was THAT TEXT.
The thing that sticks in my neck is, he always wanted to keep us a secret in the workplace, even though he was not having an affair anymore, and even though everyone knew anyway. Now the company has gone bust, no one has a job here anymore, and he chooses now to dump me. It makes me see that my loyalty to him in helping to keep HIS secret was an evil trick, to keep me placated whilst he bid his time to dump me when he could disappear forever without any repurcussions. I feel like I have been duped into protecting my abuser. Because this whole 'relationship' has been an abuse of my trust - only I have been too nice to see this. I did not recognise his ******-up intent, because I wouldn't even contemplate treating another person like this. (BTW - we all knew for a good couple of months that we would soon be no longer working together - so he bid his time well).
Now then folks - I know I've rambled a bit so I hope this makes vague sense -I'm sure you get the general jist.
Firstly, my point is - how come people like this exist?
I can't lie. I love people. I am genuine. I loathe lies - I can only be honest. I find it terrifying that seemingly harmless people like this exist and can lie so calmly. How and why would somebody do this, even despite being given numerous chances to rationally talk out their truth? I told him when I felt suspicious that things weren't as they seemed, that although it might hurt I can take the truth.
He told me I was the 'loveliest person he ever met'. How could someone be so despicable as to treat me then with such low disrespect?
I find it incomprehensible.
Now then - I know no one ever advises this, but anyone who has any ideas on how to show this man up without losing dignity? I want everyone to know how **** he has behaved, and I want them to know because he has lied to everybody, including one of his best friends. He would be very upset to realise that good old has broken my heart and in such a despicable way. His mate was also good friends with me when he worked here, and quite a morally upright character. I want to give this ******* the fresh start he wants in a way that makes him feel as utterly lonely and desolate as I felt when he took my trust and used it to control my life for a year. In other words - I want to expose him. I want to do it because he stopped me from reacting sooner by his lies at work. If he had shown his true colours sooner, he knows I would have squealed, and he knows that because I have done nothing wrong, and everybody at work loves me, that he would be vilified. He is a coward, and he has to pay.
Who has experience in this kind of situation? Please don't advise me to walk away, this cretin does not get to get away with it this time.
Thank you,
Jenny xxx