I could forget but I can't forgive

[mashmac]

I can forget if I push it to the back of my mind but I can't forgive and don't see why I should.
:AR15firing:
After all I was not the bad guy in my story.
Everybody says that unless you forgive, you won't be able to move on.
I just don't see why on top of everything you should also forgive.

[aussiecoffee007]

i think forgiveness is the only way you can truly move on. when you keep the anger and resentment and everything, you are telling that person that they still mean something to you, that what they did still hurts you every single time you dont forgive them. when you forgive someone, you rise above it, and thats the only way you can move on.

[Tuxie]

Forgiveness is an important part... just as aussie has said. I can't speak for you, and I realize this is a touchy subject for you... but the reason I forgive is because God says I should. Heh... God even says I should pray for my enemies! "Those who spitefully use you" are the words the KJV uses I believe. But enough Bible... I'd just like to see you happy and ready to move on. :)

[EC]

It's a flip side of the coin for me, I can forgive but I cannot forget.

[mashmac]

EC - Can you elaborate on what you can't forget. Is it because shall we say when you look at her you wonder how it was? Is this what's stopping you from truly embracing your luck?

[EC]

I am not sure what is the 'luck' you say I am not embracing.

To me forgiving is something that can be done by understanding, putting myself in another person's shoes, let it all in and that way forgiveness may be achievable.

As to forgetting, it's self explanatory and I don't think I have anything to elaborate on forgetting.

[mashmac]

Yep, that's what I thought the forgetting was about. I know it sounds silly but
it hasn't meant anything or else she wouldn't be back. All well on the bedroom front or does that bother you from feeling comfortable? Sorry if I am intruding, you don't need to answer.

[aussiecoffee007]

i think its more important to forgive than forget. the things you go through in life shape through you are and if you forget every single bad thing that happens, you wont be the same person, and i hate to say it, but then you dont come out of the situation on top, knowing something different, developing, maturing.

[mashmac]

really well put Aussie, will ponder on this a bit.

[EC]

aussiecoffee007, exactly what I wanted to say, man I am not so good at expressing.

[jimbo666]

i'm not good at it either EC lol...i believe in forgiveness...mashmac i know your upset and dont want to forgive and no one can tell you that you have to forgive...is it a proven law that you cant heal unless you forgive???....its not...if you dont wanna forgive thats soley your choice...forgiving may make the healing process a bit faster though...me personally i forgive within minutes of just about anything...even when someone hurts me a lot such as a best friends...minutes later i'll forgive them....i will forgive anything except for as of right now i cannot forgive the world...i know that sounds dumb but i think you all know what i mean...i'm sorry mashmac i'm a lil lost...what are you suppose to be forgiving?

[aussiecoffee007]

thank you EC and mashmac :o i hope you find truth in my words. you dont have to answer, but... what is this thing that is hard to forgive? maybe we could help you more specifically if we knew :)

[Penguin_Woman]

Hey Mashmac. I'm sorry your hurting. I know how it can be at times. But forgetting alone won't help. Plus your not really forgetting. Your just pushing it to the back of your mind. Truly forgetting involves moving past it. It is an active thing, a choice. You choose to drop it and move on. Pushing it to the back of your mind won't help. Even if you do not wish to love another ever again. Love at least yourself. To do that and to truly be healthy you have to forgive. That is let go of the hurt and pain that was caused you. You can hate what the person did, but forgive the person anyway. The action was bad, but the person you care for. You will really be able to heal so much more once you forgive. It's hard, I know. Your using that pain and hurt as a sheild to protect you from letting down your guard and being vunerable again. But it's no way to live. You once tried to help me, Mashmac. Tried to help me see the truth and now I want to do the same for you.

[mashmac]

Thank you loads Tuxette. I am working on it slowly. And there is so much more happening in my life and that is what I try to focus. I have to believe I will be fine on the long run or else I might as well give up now. And slowly I hope it will all fall back into place.

As to protecting myself, it gives me the comfort zone I need now and I really do not feel in my heart the need to open up. I am continuing my treatment, you guys here are great and I think all of you must have noticed how I progressed in my healing thanks to you. Cause when I landed here, I was so desperate. :Cry: And that is an understatement.

I can promise that I will carry on with as I like to call them "baby steps". And perhaps one day...

My biggest struggle is that all this mental pressure has weakened my physical condition and that is what I need to concentrate on the most. I am even contemplating some sort of "sleeping cure".:sleep: The thing is, as crazy as it sounds and even in my darkest moments I remember that I need to have faith.

As to romantic love, I am really not needy on that front at the moment. Of course that could change. Certainly all of us here know this. But love has many shapes and forms. It's not just romance.

And Tuxette, I am there for you. I am here for all of you cause I want to be here that way. The only thing that I can say in my defense is that I genuinely invest myself in whatever I do and I am there for the people I care about.
:drum: I am not a pretender

[EC]

I like that Tuxette, sometimes we already know what's what but we just need reminder to realize it, also this depends on each individual whether it works for him / her or not.

Forgiving is an act of choice, similarly to mature love, an act of choice rather than chemistry in the brain. Forgetting, as crystal clear as it sounds, you can try to get but that's trying to forget, you won't be able to forget unless you really forget.

lol do you know what I am saying?

[mashmac]

He he...not sure about the forgetting again EC. Can you clarify for me.

[mashmac]

I am so fine today. It's been such a long time since I felt me. And I feel me.
I can feel it in my heart. I can forgive, I can forget the pain, I feel happy.

:nana: to the tears!

It's over. Finally over. Yes, one can recover from a badly broken heart although it must be one of the biggest pain on earth. But I know now and I will never tempt faith again. I am back to my fluffy self. And I will never allow anyone to hurt me or open my heart. It's so easy once you know. And love is all around me. My beautiful babies. I am so lucky.

:flypig: :llama: :typing:

[aussiecoffee007]

aw mashmac im so happy for you!!!! how did this happen?
are parties allowed on ATLF? :)

[mashmac]

Yes let's party! I don't know. Guess I've just got over it. I am not sure. I guess it's just time. It's been 15 months or so. That's more than enough!

[Penguin_Woman]

Woohoo! Let's party! :hippie: :240: :jester:
:dance: :banana:

[mashmac]

:drum: :bootyshake: :grouphug: :lmao: :wiggle: :arms: :cheers: :musicus:

I love those icons

[Penguin_Woman]

Yeah, I do too. I'm happy 4 ya'.....Fluffy. hehe :tea: :humble: :top: :veryhappy:

[mashmac]

Me happy for me too! :) Finally.... It's so strange I just have the taste of life back in my mouth. I will still proceed with caution, not allow myself to be overwhelmed by it. Just to be on th safe side. But somehow I can feel it's fine.

[aussiecoffee007]

well im glad and happy for you, you needed this... :)

[rihabhatia]

i think forgiveness is the only way you can truly move on. when you keep the anger and resentment and everything, you are telling that person that they still mean something to you, that what they did still hurts you every single time you dont forgive them. when you forgive someone, you rise above it, and thats the only way you can move on.


wow... what a thought! loves it. I'm gonna pendown in my diary[:)].

but one point... don't think that even if we forgive, we can forget or actually move on? that what happened, will not hurt you and you can easily forget?

[mashmac]

Experts say that if you forget, you are living in denial. Whatever that means.
I will come back to you on that one. It's still work in progress. Somehow you are supposed "to incorporate" the event and accept it as part of you. When I say experts I mean my therapist. Anyway all those thing take time to work out
so really I am a bit confused about the entire issue again. :confused:

But I am happy to work on anything now cause I have finally healed so wherever it takes me, I'll go.

[mashmac]

I cracked it. I have forgiven. No regrets. No resentment. I accept is as part of me, it happened. But it's over. I have healed. It's incredible. Total closure. Now I finally understand the meaning of that word!

[**Sapphire**]

That's very good mashmac, you have done something that not alot of people can really, deep down do. That's great! :thumb::)

[~Teej~]

Well done Mashmac...nice one :)

[aussiecoffee007]

im really happy for you mashmac, especially that you could open up this new chapter in your life of being over it!!

[dannygirl]

I have the same problem... and frankly... I hate to say it BUT it is best to forgive and forget... it isn't always easy.... but it does ease the pain of having those grudges..

[bombastico]

mashmac well done! A new world has opened for you !