I'm so lost I need help/Jimbo's thread

[jimbo666]

ok so i'm 22 now and i've only been on 2 dates my entire life and they were nothing...bad actually and neither girl liked me so yeah. anyway, me and my female friends have talked and worked on all of this for years and i'm still alone and i hate it...i'm not conceited or anything but i do know that i am that one different guy that will treat a girl so good but none of them will give me a chance. i'm great at talking to them most of the time though lately its more difficult because of all the failure and i'm a lot more depressed now. love is the only thing i've ever wanted out of life...its something i want very badly and i dont even get to date girls or anything...i really dont know if i'm a good looking guy or not...i'm told i am and to me i think i look good but i really dont know. the best way to describe me is i'm very nice but not too nice...sweet but not too sweet...very funny, fun, very open and caring, i'm quiet and shy but i socialize well. i'm not sure what to write on here there's so much to explain i guess this will just get me started for now...

[jimbo666]

hi! i would love it if some of you girls on here could help me with a lot of advice about dating and all that. i'm 22 and never had a girlfriend and i have no idea why. i have a lot of female friends and i've worked with them so long and hard but it seems as though we just go in a loop and i'm still alone. i'm not sure what to think at all. all of my female friends say such good things about me and give wonderful advice and say things like i'm such a wonderful guy any girl would be so lucky to have me....well....i wanna know why every one of my friends rejected me after saying all those things??? that doesn't make sense does it? and the whole i just wanna be your friend thing is crap that's not it...it really bothers me that i've missed out on so much that everyone else gets to experience. it makes me very depressed all the time cuz i just want someone to be with but not one single girl has ever given me a chance i just keep getting excuses of why and most of it is crap...meeting people and dating is no science ya know...why does it have to be so complicated and difficult for me??? i'm so sad all the time and i even get extremely angry now when i go anywhere and see a couple or a family or anything. i dunno, i have no fears in this world...just one...and thats to live my life and never be in love with a nice girl once ya know....its the only thing i've ever wanted. i know i'm only 22 but i was seriously hoping to have found either a wife or a damn good candidate for it by now. i'm leaving soon and i wont be back for so long i wont even get another chance to meet a girl until i'm 25!!! 25 and never gotten anything....what girl would want to be with me then??? girls keep telling me to wait and she'll come...i don't believe that and i don't get how they can just say those things to me...seriously if you were in my shoes how would you feel if you were rejected so much in life and then found out for sure you won't get a chance until your 25...if i even come back that is...please help me out....being alone so much just makes me wanna die....i'd be so good to someone its not fair!!

[EC]

Hey Jimbo, welcome and hope you'll stick around with us for better or worse :)

You wouldn't want to find a wife right now at the age of 22, someone special is probably what you're after. So many people get married young and decide to be together forever while they haven't experienced things they 'will' want to experience. Most of these couples end up breaking up and having mid-life crisis, in search to find out what it is that they really want out of life and relationships, leaving their used-to-be other halves torn and scarred.

Could it be that you're just trying too hard and you have been putting too much pressure on the girls you've met and had feelings for? Hang in there.

[Tuxie]

I hear a LOT of frustration.. I can't blame you. However, the only way to solve the problem is to get to the source of the problem.

Could it be that you're just trying too hard and you have been putting too much pressure on the girls you've met and had feelings for? Things like this come to you when you least expect it, in many cases in the least likely situations, but it will come, hang in there.
EC may have a very good point here Jimbo. Sometimes we all want things so bad, we tend to force things. You're not alone in this.. it's human nature to want to be accepted. Often times, when we force things to happen, we cause people to 'go away'. I'm not sure this is your situation, but it could be. All I can say is, try to let things happen naturally. Chin up! :)

i'm leaving soon and i wont be back for so long i wont even get another chance to meet a girl until i'm 25!!! 25 and never gotten anything....what girl would want to be with me then???
Where ya headed to Jimbo? As for the 25 thing... I know one girl that wanted me at 25 (I got married at 25).

[Tuxgal]

Ok, well...let's start taking this apart. What exactly happened on these dates? Did they bomb from the start? What attitude did you have gong into these dates? Were you thinking they weren't gonna work? Sometimes we can be our own worst enemies. If we have the attitude of "it's never going to work." It can be a self-fuffiling prophecy. Do you maybe set your standards too high? What are you looking for in a woman, as far as looks and personality? Don't say "any". Like ideally what would you want? Well, I've grilled you enough for now. Hope we can help you

[jimbo666]

hi! ok i've only been on 2 dates my whole life...the first one my best friend (a girl) set me up with her niece. we talked on the phone for over a month and when i went home on leave we went out...i was very nice and she said i was very nice and everything was supposedly good...she was having trouble with an ex and decided she wanted to get back with him so i kinda got screwed but whatever...the second date was absolutely wonderful and she's the one who pursued me but its not what you think...she lied to me and used me if ya know what i mean. she was married and told me otherwise and we spent a wonderful day together...i loved it...i really thought she was crazy about me and we would keep seeing each other...anyway she calls me two days later and tells me she's sorry she lied to me just so she could get laid...normally i would never have sex the first date but for some reason everything felt so good and right...i feel so stupid about all that but yeah. i'm picky either..at all. i do have my preferences though i prefer a girl to be a lil shorter than me, dark brown hair, brown eyes, and physically look good but doesnt have to be a total babe or anything and i'm open to other looks thats just my fav. other than that both dates went very well i thought...especially since it was my first two. they both gave me many compliments etc. my attitude? i'm nervous and scared, very friendly, i talked very well to both of them and we always had great converstation the whole time. i made them laugh a lot...i KNOW how to treat a girl and make them feel wonderful i just dont get the chance to. i'm very self conscious cuz i really dont know if i'm ugly or ok or whatever. i've had quite a few good compliments but its hard to believe cuz i always get shut down. i'm always told i have a great personality and most people tell me that should be more than enough to get girls but its not. no i wasnt thinking that it wasnt gonna work...the first one she acted kinda weird but i dont know cuz i dont know how dates are suppose to be...as for the second one i've never been so sure in my life...i was so happy which sounds stupid cuz it was one date but for some reason she really got me...she was my type and she was so sweet and everything was great. i know i dont set my standards too high. i'm very open and i am more than willing to compromise with people. k i told you the looks. as far as personality i want a good sweet girl who is affectionate and will love me as much as i'll love her...someone i can be myself with and i can always make laugh and someone who will never give up on me cuz i wouldnt give up on them. i know that sounds like a lot but its really not and not everything is required just preferences. honestly right now i would settle for just about anyone...even if they treated me like ****...i hate being alone and i want someone to be with so bad. i've tried for so many girls that were below my personal standards and didnt have any luck. that sounds bad i know but come on everyone has certain standards and mine aren't high at all. well this starts us off. i've been working so hard on this for years now with female friends but havent had any luck...i hope you can help me...and thank you for your reply.

[jimbo666]

hi! your right i'm not looking for a wife...i just fantasize about being married and happy and all that. i do want someone special right now though...anyone...i need someone. no one has ever cared about me or given me a chance. i've had very close friends but thats not what i need or want. i want someone to love and who will love me back. at the very least i would like to meet girls and date them. i've only been on 2 dates my whole life and they both didn't work out. i just wanna know why i get rejected so much but get told so many great things about me. i can understand how both of you said i might be forcing the issue...i'm pretty sure i dont i'm not that direct and i've had so much guidance from female friends (they actually go watch me) and they have said i've done everything right and i do very well at trying to get dates with girls. i do agree i do try hard...god i try so hard. i angers me so much that everyone of my friends dont even have to try and girls or guys swarm them...i've tried the lay back and let them come to you approach...i'm very firmly against that. i'm just an average guy, girls wont pursue just an average guy i tried it for a long time. i do have a lot of frustration it hurts me so much to see everyone so happy and have someone and i dont...its even worse because i could at least be a failure at dating ya know i dont even get any dates! and well lately i've been so upset and sad about it i cant even try. i swear i've hit on over a thousand girls and i've only gotten friends out of the deal. i learned all about coming on as a friend too and i know how to fix that and nothing works...i've tried about everything imaginable...i feel as though i'm cursed or something. people just tell me i'm yound and to be patient...that drives me crazy!!! the people telling me all that stuff had many dates in school...had a bf/gf in school...have one now after school etc etc. half my friends are married now with a family and i haven't started anything. my 16 yr old sister has boys all over like crazy...even my 9 yr old brother is on his 3rd girlfriend!!! whats so bad about me? i am a positive person and i try hard to keep my chin up but god this kills me so much....its all i want. i'm in the army and being deployed for the second time for a minimum of a year and as soon as i get back their sending me to korea for a year...how am i gonna meet someone then??? you see...i'll be around 25 by the time i get to come back to the states and look for a girl...its so pathetic. i dont know one single person in my shoes. i know some people who are so horrible with people but they've at least had one or two girlfriends before....not me!!! anyway, i'm sorry for complaining so much but i've tried so many things and talked to so many guys and girls about this i dunno what else to do...i'm hoping so much this site will help me for the future...i still have about 6 months and i would like to spend time with a nice girl until i leave....my only fear in life is to die without ever getting the chance to be in love...what if i dont come back? that means i would have lived my one and only fear in life...**** isnt worse than that to me...

[jimbo666]

oh yeah i just thought i'd add this...i have a lot of female friends and they have also tried very hard for me...they have tried...tried...to set me up on dates with girls they know. once they knew who i was or met me the dates were cancelled...i tried the become friends with girls first thing...every single one of my friends will tell you i'm the greatest guy with an awesome personality and any girl would be so lucky...but ya know what...every one of them didnt know what to say when i asked them out...they shut me down and i asked some of them if it was cuz they didnt wanna risk losing a good friend...they didnt say anything...one said i wasnt her type which is funny cuz her type is tall dark and handsome with brown eyes and a nice guy who is sweet....well i'm tall, dark, they say i'm very handsome and they say i'm nice and have a wonderful personality and i'm very sweet??? why would they say such wonderful things about me and not want me? do they just lie to me to make me feel better or what? cuz i did feel better until they all shut me down...i lost some of them as friends cuz of it too. some even said while they were with someone that if they were single they would jump all over me...well when they broke up and time went by...enough time to be over things and ready for someone they pursued other guys and they didnt work out so i asked them what happened to you being all over me...they said they just said that to build my confidence...i just dont get it...i know some girls like the bad boy types and all but a lot like the nice guys too ya know...if girls tell me i'm a good looking guy and i'm their type of guy and i'm nice and sweet and talk to them well and make them laugh a lot then why wouldnt they be attracted to me??? again i know i'm not coming off as the friend type cuz i make it obvious of my intentions but i dont push and i dont try to over do it...i've worked so hard and learned so much about all this...i wanna know why things are so complicated for me and no one else...meeting people and dating is not a complicated thing...you go out, meet someone, date, you like or dont like and move on to the next or keep them...why cant i even get that much??? i just wanna know whats so bad about me and why girls are so turned off from me...

[Tuxgal]

No, trust me you don't want someone who treats you awful. Well..huh...I'm fairly stumped. Sounds like the dates went ok. Doesn't seem like you've that high of standards. You know....maybe your female friends at the cause of this. I've heard some say that when your out with a group of women they can act as a detterant to other women who might've had romantic interest in you. Do you have guy friends too? do you ever go out with them?

[Tuxgal]

You know I've heard comedians(male) complaining about getting stuck in the "friend zone". Maybe they were serious. I think...that you don't need anymore female friends for sure. When you go out leave "the girls" behind. They may be what's turning other women away. Don't allow yourself to be set up. Maybe try a dating site or something. Somewhere where nobody knows you so no preconceived notions and you can be yourself IMHO

[jimbo666]

hi! the girls went with me for a while just to watch and help me out to see how i was around girls and they tried to talk to girls and set me up but that didnt work...well after they saw that i was doing a good job i did leave them behind...i only go with my guy friends and even sometimes alone but still get the same results...i really hate going with my guy friends now...i've actually had girls come hit on me and flirt with me and give me their number and they told me to give it to my hot friend :(...thats low...i've tried dating sites for over a year and had 2 horrible experiences with it and that was it no one would write me back...i had girls read what i write and they were so sure it would work...nope nothing...i've even written thousands on myspace...i got 3 girls to write me back but thats all i got was a reply then they stopped...i've tried several dating sites and put up good pics and made each profile different to see which type would attract girls...none of them...all these things make me think girls lie to me and tell me i'm a good looking and wonderful guy...all i can think is maybe i'm just too ugly no one wants me and i must not be that great...cuz if everything was true then it would be impossibel for me to be so alone...

[Tuxgal]

Your not ugly. I saw your pic on myspace. I honestly don't know what to tell you. Maybe get involved in something online or something. Do you play any multi-player games? (Backgammon, chess, dominoes, poker etc) Sometimes it's easier when you have something in common that you both like.
Have you tried those sites (not gonna name names) that supposedly match you up with other people based on how compatible you are? I dunno...hopefully someone else will have a suggestion too. I think a lot of it could be your attitude. Women pick up on it. I once had a friend a lot like you.
He's pretty much my age exactly...a day older(I'm 30). He'd only been on a couple dates before when I met him at 28. He'd had like maybe 2 serious relationships. He ended up getting involved with an older woman (10 years his senior). Which ended badly. He also had a bad attitude about dating. He sedto bemoan his lack of companionship all the time..until he started to lose even his friends....myself included. (Well, for another reason too) I know you hate to hear it. but I know I met my bf when I wasn't looking for anyone. Maybe don't go out with your guy friends either. Just out out by yourself. Be open and friendly. But though I wouldn't normally advise this...don't allow yourself to become their "friend". I don't mean be a jerk. Just maybe be forthright. Tell them you've plenty of friends and your not looking for any more. They may be stunned at first, but in the long run it may just work

[jimbo666]

i kinda feel like a jerk now cuz everything people tell me i've tried and done...how did you find my pic on myspace??? i used to play online games and chat with girls and made quite a few chat buddies but they ended and right now my computer is kinda messed up but i cant fix it until my semester ends cuz i have college online programs on there...i used to play a lot of yahoo pool cuz i could meet people easier on there but they always live so far away...i have tried sites with the compatible stuff...i tried eharmony and i got absolutely nothing from it...and i even did the country wide selection...but i'm always told i have a great personality and i usually do have a good attitude but not lately cuz i'm so down and uspet about this...i've been so depressed and angry cuz i'm leaving soon and like i said i'll be about 25 before i even get another chance to meet a girl...he is like me...i've lost friends because of this as well...i lost my best friend too...she was very close and special to me...yeah well girls dont have to pursue ya know...girls can just go anywhere and sit down and guys are all over them...i live on an army base so its a lot harder here...i go to the bars here and see 3 or 4 cute single girls and there's literally like 10 guys or more all over them all night...what am i suppose to do about that? i've gone out a lot alone too...i dont go to clubs cuz the girls there are slutty and yeah...i go to bars, casino's, libraries, just the store...everywhere...the malls...its so hard to find a single girl and when i do i get nothing...through time and life experiences and getting hurt a lot by my female friends i did have...i wont be friends with girls anymore and i let them know that...my first date she lead me on soooo hard you have no idea...then said maybe we should just be friends...that killed me and i know for a fact everything she did was bullshit and she knows it too...then she said i was a jerk cuz i explained to her that i cant be her friend cuz i've had so many girl friends and i get attached and start liking them then i get hurt so i wont do it...and i told her i already liked her a lot so whats the point in wanting her and just being her friend...she got mad and said i was a jerk and that i dont deserve ****...i'm not a jerk about it when i tell girls that...god i hate hearing it so much when they look at me funny and say can we be friends...i always explain my reasons why i wont be friends and most of them understand...in fact on my second date i straight up told her if she wants to meet me i am not here for friendship...she said she wasnt either but thats a long story and it was bad so yeah...i'm sorry but i have tried so many things...everything you've said already i have no idea what to do and i wanna know whats so bad about me and why i cant find one single girl....one girl out of billions of people...come on!!! well, keep the advice coming if you would i really appreciate it...

[jimbo666]

i know...everyone gets stumped :( ...no i go out by myself quite a bit...just cuz my guy friends piss me off but i go out with them sometimes too...both guys and girls try to help me...nothing...

[Tuxgal]

Jimbo-You had it on another question of yours...asking girls to rate you.

[jimbo666]

oh lol...i got new ones that are a lil better lol...god i feel dumb now....you didnt read all the other things i've written on there did you??? i kinda ummm take things out on there when i shouldn't i guess...i don't anymore though but yeah i was in the wrong for that...

[Tuxgal]

Naw, I didn't really hang around on there. I'm just a curious type. So I clicked the link. I wish I could watch you on a date or something. A lot of my guy friends, (when I had a bunch) who previously had trouble finding dates...after they were friends with me a while...found gf's. I'm just a very straight up kinda woman. I try my best to be a "translator" between the sexes. lol

[jimbo666]

lol sounds nice and all but how can you watch me on a date if i cant get a date??? and plus i said i've had several girls go watch me try and meet other girls...do you have any other thoughts? you said i wasnt ugly...i'm sorry but that doesnt mean much...just cuz i'm not ugly doesnt make me attractive...i've been told a lot of good things about my looks and girls i've hit on have said some really nasty things so i dunno...

[Tuxgal]

I don't know. i was just thinking out loud. Too bad you couldn't get on one of those talk shows or something like the Greg Behrendt show or something. Like I said maybe others will have an idea

[jimbo666]

does that mean you don't have anymore advice for me???

[Tuxgal]

Well, it means I'm curious of others input and ideas. No offense here...but it is sort of hard to advise you when you shoot down my ideas. lol i'm re-grouping right now :)

[jimbo666]

sorry i'm not trying to shoot down your ideas but i've already done them thats all...

[Tuxgal]

I understand. Just trying to think what else to tell you. Like I said...really the biggest thing is your attitude. Look at your questions on YA and what your profile says here. Try asking positive things on YA. Like jokes or interesting polls. You've a sense of humor? Then use it. :D Act confident wether you are or not.

[jimbo666]

i know some things on answers sounds bad and i know this profile isnt all peachy but i AM confident and positive and my attitude is a lot better than you think...your judging me off very few things you've seen and at a bad time in life for that matter...i do show confidence and a good attitude cuz i've always been preached that by every girl...thats the only thing they all have in common is they all say confidence is a big thing...for some reason i get the feeling you have a bad perception of me somehow...sorry didn't mean to come off like that at all..

[Tuxgal]

No, just trying to help, give suggestions. Just saying that might be a way to get women's attention. Women love guys who can make them laugh. (Comedians tend to get a lot of women...no matter their looks) Sorry...it's hard to show tone of voice on here. That or some neat polls or something.

[jimbo666]

ok sorry about the confusion lol...sorry it seems like i complain and all...you said comedian's get all the girls...not all but almost all girls i have hit on i made laugh...once i make them laugh it breaks the ice and makes it easier for me to talk to them...i'm not the greatest at making girls laugh but i'm pretty good at it...just wondering cuz you said comedians get girls irregardless of looks...

[Tuxgal]

Well heck look at Robin Williams. He's very furry. Kevin James...he's...a bit overweight. Not sayin your ugly or anything. Just saying that looks aren't everything.

[jimbo666]

ok someone said that i can see myself as something and others can see as something completely different....i've been trying to be taken as a nice sweet and still manly and funny kind of guy but i must be messing up somehow...how do you make yourself be shown how you want to to others??? i do however know one of my problems is that for some reason i look very serious and angry all the time...i'm not at all. i look mean or scary...thats what i'm always told...i smile a lot and laugh and i try to be nice but i dont know what i do wrong or why exactly i come off like that...i do know that scared away a couple girls but not all of them...i am serious and direct but i laugh and joke and have fun more than i'm serious...could it be just cuz i look like that and maybe my voice? i really dont know...i do have a short temper and i blow up but nothing bad and it goes away within minutes...would things like that really scare girls away so easily??? maybe it does i dunno i do know the girls i became friends with though thought that too but after they got to know me they we became really close because they found out who i really was...i think i'm just soft with a hard shell...i dunno but i dont like coming off like that and i do try to come off as a nice guy...as my friends would say "boyfriend material"...

[Tuxgal]

Hmm... Well, be sweet and nice like you said. Be modest. Be there for the woman, but also have a life of your own. Don't be afraid to show or express emotion. A short temper could scare some women away so maybe try to work on that. Watch your body language. (I'm gonna dig up a website for you on that...I've seen it somewhere)

edit: Here you go: http://www.cba.uni.edu/buscomm/nonverbal/body%20Language.htm

[mashmac]

Jimbo - I think you are still searching for yourself. Take a step back and don't keep on trying that hard. You are only 22 - there is no rush. Take it slowly. Having the time to do so is luxury. Don't worry, it's all fine. You seem like a very sweet person. You don't need to try and be what other want you to be. I know it's easier said than done but everything is ahead of you and you have time to decide where you want to go. Take care.

[jimbo666]

i dont think i'm searching for myself...i'm comfortable with who i am and i'm more mature for my age...always have been...i know you dont mean it like this but when people tell me i'm young and to wait it hurts and upsets me...it makes me remember school years and how many people were dating...going to dances...parties and girlfriends etc etc...then after school still nothing...more time goes by...friends are married with a kid...i start going to bars...people always told me how easy it is at a bar...whatever...how can it not bother me to see everyone in the world around me have what i want and i dont even get a glimpse??? not a taste...nothing! it kills me so much and to tell me to be patient and wait...i dont like hearing that...ya know what if i deploy and dont come back...i been there once and know the reality...i'm no paper pusher for that matter either my job is more dangerous...i would like to fall in love and be loved back at least once in my life ya know...y is it so much to ask for for someone to give me a chance and love me?

[jimbo666]

just feeling extremely depressed, lonely and pathetic today...i thought your friends were suppose to care and help you out not make fun of you all the time about your problems...my only two friends i have here thats all they did today was give me **** cuz i can't get a girl...one friend was telling a funny story from back home about a crack head...real lowlife ya know...and in the story he mentioned how pathetic the guy was but he had a wife and kid...he caught himself and starting giving me **** about some piece of **** ugly *** crackhead can get a wife and a kid and i can't even get a piece of ***...(thats not what i'm out for) anyway, they always make fun of me even though they know it bothers me more than anything they still do it all the time...it makes me feel like **** and makes me hate life even more...i would never do things like that to one of my friends...and yes the simple fact that people like that always have someone too...things like that make it so much worse...

[jimbo666]

just wondering other people views on love...to me love is everything in the world...top of the list for me...its what i want more than anything else and something that i would cherish and never throw away or risk for anything in this world...i feel very strongly about love and it bothers me to see people throw what wonderful things they have away by cheating...fighting..or whatever...i would never give up on someone i loved no matter what happened or how bad i got hurt...if they loved me back then i could forgive them for anything...sounds foolish i know...but not when love is the only thing you want and strive to find in life...when i was younger i thought thats what everyone wanted...guess i was wrong huh? maybe its just the way i am...maybe i just hold it up so much higher than everyone else...what are your perceptions of love?

[mashmac]

Jimbo - again, you are really young and your friend are silly I guess at that age, getting a girl is still some sort of game and especially boys judge other boys by the number of girls they can catch. There is nothing wrong with you and again not once did you mention there was/is "A GIRL" that you particularly like. Boys are cruel at that age but they will grow out of it.

It's not a competition although that is what a lot of young boys think. At the same time, there are many people out there who instead of just showing off with "their catch" actually need more. You are one of those.

What is really the issue here? You would like to know how it feels to make love? Be like them? Cause if you don't want to be like them then you should count your blessings that you aren't.

I know it's hard - I felt like an ugly duckling for a long time when I was young - and one day I realized I wasn't, I was me, and I stopped comparing myself to others. And once I
accepted "me" - I was fine. Cause I didn't want to be like them, I wanted to be me. Don't despair.

[jimbo666]

i agree i am young but far older than i should be on starting out on all of this...i wasnt referring to making love...i've done that with one girl...i mean i want to be in love...this kissing...cuddling...affection...feeling...compani onship etc etc...i want love...and not just that...saying i'm too young??? i still wanna go on dates and experience affection and everything else in relationships just like everyone else gets to. if i have to wait and wait and wait...i'm not just gonna magically find the one on the first girl who does give me a chance...

[mashmac]

It just sounds as if you haven't been in love. You talk about girls. Not a specific girl you might be interested in at this time. And when I say that you are young, I mean too young to despair. Too young to worry about love never crossing your path.

[Tuxgal]

Love has so many meanings. I assume your talking of romantic love. Well, for one it means...taking chances no matter how nervous or scared you are. It means wanting only the best for the other person. It means caring about their thoughts, feelings and opinions. One can lose themselves in love at time because you just want so much to be everything that other person wants and needs. Love means fighting with everything you have to make things work when times get rough. It means open and honest commucation of thoughts and feelings. It means never letting a day go by without telling the person how much they mean to you. It means wanting to spend as much time as possible with that person. Like the rest of your life.

[jimbo666]

i haven't ever been in love...i've only been on 2 dates! i do despair...not so much about not finding someone to love just someone to be with...someone to give me a chance...someone i can treat good and will make me feel wonderful all the time...i'd settle for far less my expectations just so i wouldnt have to be alone...thats basically it i hate being alone and i'm tired of missing out of so many things that happen in relationships...

[mashmac]

You can just be in love with "someone". Love is like magic.. The moment it happens this fluid hits you and another specific person. It might be that you never met, it might be that you've known each other for a while but suddenly you see them differently. You can't force that moment. And it will come to you. It's just inevitable.

[EC]

Might help if you start thinking and using some better words than those that get censored. I mean its okay to swear sometimes, but look how many times you've used them, I could hardly made any sense of whatever the **** you were saying.

Dude, focus on yourself, why care about what others say, just do your best. Hope you get it this time :)

[jimbo666]

ok so i have tried for a long time to meet someone off of myspace...so far i only met one girl and its cuz she wrote me and yeah long story...anyway, i know i write good and friendly emails to many girls on there...i used to have a good profile with pics and all now its just...yeah...anyway, how come i couldnt get any girls out of literally over a thousand girls to write me back or be interested in talking to me??? i tried to change my emails up and see what would catch attention but nothing worked. oh yeah i did read their stuff and mentioned small things in the email so they would know i took the time to read their profiles...

[jimbo666]

my life is so lonely...if i can't be with a girl why can't i at least have a friend? :( i'm just feeling so lonely today...it hurts so much being alone and unwanted all the time...

[aussiecoffee007]

okay, as a girl-user on myspace, i think that many girls dont like starting anything romantic on myspace since all of the horrible stuff that can happen on there--also, i think if you put little things from their profiles on they might feel a bit stalked, no matter what your good intentions were :) so anyway, i hope you get where im going with this...

[aussiecoffee007]

well all of us here are here for you, so i hope you can find comfort here...

[Tuxie]

We've probably all experienced loneliness, in different degrees through our lives. I'm going through it now, more than I've ever had in my entire life I think. I can lean on some here though, and that seems to help. :)

[EC]

Some of us are great and don't even have to make any efforts to make friends, their personalities naturally attracts others and some even have to constantly turning down all the appointments they get for going out clubbing, drinking, playing games, meet up / catch up, dinner, coffee, sports, stroll in the malls, etc.

But some of us aren't that fortunate and not blessed with those qualities. Therefore people in this group has to try hard to understand why the others can be 'normal'.

For example, I would suggest joining a conversation and watch for what people talk about. Most guys here in this country talk about cars, engine, CC, horse power, whatever they **** they are, wheels, blah blah blah, which I have little knowledge of, making it harder to fit in. Therefore, if I want to fit in, I have to to learn all those things to at least have a some words in conversations and feel like I belong to the group.

Just some tips.

[mashmac]

Just talk to us jimbo as aussie says that is why we are all here, And if we don't always reply it's juts because we are busy elsewhere... And do not forget there is a real world out there too.

[EC]

Totally correct Mashmac, there's a real world out there. Come for support, come for opinions, you have to filter it all and see what is appropriate for you.

[jimbo666]

a real world huh? yeah well i face reality more than most people do everyday and the real world hurts me very much every day....

[mashmac]

what hurts you the most jimbo?:confused:

[jimbo666]

being alone hurts me...i just wanna luv someone with all my heart and i wanna be loved back. at the very least have a girlfriend or something. i get so upset just seeing people at the stores together....family's, couples, whatever....it makes me wanna cry all the time i hate it and it makes me hate everyone in the world for having it but me.

[jimbo666]

i hurt so much none of u even have a clue....i'm always re-assured that i will find someone but how? i havent been on any real dates or anyting yet...i'm so depressed and sad...i feel so hopeless i just want to be loved...it hurts so bad every day...i want to die all the time...i cry every night and thats a fact...i have so much love to give and i would treat a girl sooooo good its unreal....i'm interesting and have so many good qualitites i know this from time and from what people say and how they act....so why am i destined to be so lonely??? y? i ask this to so many girls...i've sat down and talked for months to so many girls and not one person can answer me y? it hurts so bad...i hate it and it makes me hate everyone in the world for having it and then complaining about it...i cry so much...i want to be loved so badly...i'm tired of hearing i'm young...i'm 22 and 2 dates!!!! thats horrible!!!! i NEED someone not want someone...i cant live my whole life like this it kills me so much....it affects me every day and i hate it...i will never be happy until someone will give me a chance and love me....y is that so much to ask for in life??? i'm sorry everyone but i dont think life has been fair to me at all...not even the slightest bit and i always think about how much i would like to just die somehow....i hurt so bad every day...i would be so good to someone but no one wants me....god does that hurt so much...i hate my life more than u can imagine...i'm so lonely and depressed....y wont anyone love me?

[Tuxie]

Jimbo,

We're all here for you. A big 'support group' we are. But, we can only do so much. We can suggest things for you to do, to get out of the depression you're in. We can sympathize with you (God knows, I can do this!). We can give you pats on the back... words of encouragement. I may have missed this... has anyone suggested counselling for you? I'm afraid that your 'negative aura' may affect any relationships you may try to start... and that would not be a good thing. I'd strongly urge you to think about it. :)

[mashmac]

I think Tuxguy is right Jimbo, you might need counseling. It's becoming an obsession. There is no doubt you need love and want love but you can't force it.
It's not something you can influence. And there is one thing you always talk about: girls, any girls - not a particular girl you are interested in.

Going to see a therapist might be a good idea. This is eating you up. You will go crazy. I mean you have everything ahead of you.

We can support you but we are not professionals. And we are here for you whenever you need a virtual hug. Cause that's what we come here too. This is
why you need to act upon this in the real world. At least investigate this option, promise?

[jimbo666]

how can there be a girl to have in mind where i'm at??? there are literally NO GIRLS...every one of them are married or whores and thats it....i have to drive at least an hour away to attempt to meet anyone new...i dont know anyone cuz i always get blown off so how am i suppose to like one girl???

[jimbo666]

i've already talked to everyone and believe it or not i dont really have family...i have a mom a sis and a brother but they dont care about me....its a very very long story but yeah...i dont really have anybody...

[jimbo666]

i've always only cared about love and i never cared much about sex but for some reason thats all i want...how come the sudden difference? is it something emotional or mental? such as do i have a physical need for affection or what? i havent ever been like this...i feel as though i'm turning into the kind of guy i always despised...i want love so bad but at the moment all i want is sex...any explanations for that?

[pika]

Hi Jim,

Learn to relax, let go. Try talking to others. Try mixing with a big group of friends. Try learning to take things easy.
No one can help you except you. choosing to continue the way you are in....i think you will feel even more terrible and ruining your life...no girls will like you now....at your presence....

try to relax and let it go....mix with a bigger group. change your focus...work or studies.

[pika]

well sometimes, we do hunger for different things, but i would like to advise you to move yourself away from these things currently. Try taking a deep breath, think about what you should do and what you need to do.

Like your studies, careers, social life. You will lead a much more meaningful and healthy lifestyle.....

try moving away from these tots first..can tell you are abit too obsessed

[EC]

Tuxguy, that's right, you've just spoke my mind. Jimbo is not going to see that person with his head down.

Let me remind you that a drunk doesn't appeal to any good women.

[jimbo666]

what? where did all of u get this drunk idea??? i was drunk one night! maybe i said something wrong i remember in that post....i said i cry every night not get drunk every night...if i said otherwise sorry....i was drunk :D

[jimbo666]

is it me or what? to me it seems as though none of u like me and u all talk negatively towards me...u all tell me to cheer up and hold my chin up high...i do try its just hard...somethings are harder for others and well these things are extremely hard for me...i'm sorry i upset all of u...its just me.

[Tuxie]

... also i wish i knew what to say and if i say something wrong i'm sorry i cant help but get drunk every night cuz its what keeps me alive and sane....
This is where EC got the idea about the drinking.

is it me or what? to me it seems as though none of u like me and u all talk negatively towards me...u all tell me to cheer up and hold my chin up high...i do try its just hard...somethings are harder for others and well these things are extremely hard for me...i'm sorry i upset all of u...its just me.
I think it's your 'self perception' that's messing you up. You think no one likes you... including us. You've never done anything to me for me to dislike... why would I not like you? This is another reason, I think you need counseling. You need to lose that viewpoint and I don't think you're going to be able to do it on your own.

[jimbo666]

and what if i can't get counseling??? what if my job won't allow such a thing???

[aussiecoffee007]

why would your job not allow such a thing?

[jimbo666]

it would conflict with my training...schedules...meetings...responibility... .and the one that would matter most to the army....what it makes me look like....i have a special job remember? i set the standard here so if i'm going somewhere like that it makes me look bad and my bosses get mad and then i wont have my job anymore....even if i still went and got a new job i still wouldnt be able to go to counseling...

[jimbo666]

so i've really taken in what everyone has been telling me since i first came on here...your all right and i'm sorry for being so negative and all of that...i've been thinking a lot about it and i dunno maybe i just needed some support but i feel a little better and more positive at the moment....of course not instantly cured or anything but i think all of you helped me cross that first step i couldn't before.....thank you....and from now on you should see a more pleasant jimbo :D

[pika]

Jimbo......if you are just beside me, how i wish i could bring you around...look from another view...life is so short...and there are alot more things for you to discover.....

hurrying into a relationship might be worse.

[jimbo666]

i know life is short and maybe that has something to do with me being in a hurry about it...i dunno.

[aussiecoffee007]

im glad you are doing better jimbo! i just hope its for the right reasons :)

[Tuxie]

Hey jimbo,

Just a small suggestion... you can take it or leave it. But if you wanna start looking at yourself in a more positive light, why don't you start by changing your signature and sig picture? That sort of portrays 'doom and gloom'... I know we all would like to help get you away from that. I know, it's a small thing... but, ya gotta start somewhere. :)

[pika]

help yourself then......if you want to....no one can force you.

[EC]

We like you, we want to help you. Your self-perception does mess you up, look how you interpret our words, you interpret it negatively. Look on the brighter side, if we don't care about you why would we even bother replying to your posts and spend our precious time giving advises?

I've caught a fever from my last training session from someone, and yet I am typing all these stuff to support you, and you're saying we don't like you? Your lack of appreciation is getting on my nerve.

Wake up and look who's beside you, there may have been some that were or are doing just that, you just overlook or don't see them.

[Tuxie]

Very true.... you can only get better if you want to. We want you to be better, whatever it takes... that's all we're saying.

[EC]

Change your attitude towards things, in a positive way. Like I said to others here before, start listening to good positive music, watch comedies. You'll even have jokes to throw in during conversations, have fun mood, quick thinking, etc. If you just watch serious movies, listen to sad songs, what do you have to talk about in conversations other than "That dude got shot in the movie lastnight! Blood! Blood everywhere!" lol

Start looking at women as friends and companions instead of all potential soulmates, take things slow, let your feelings develop with them instead of pushing it in a hurry and start feeling intimate or assume connections.

[mashmac]

How are you Jimbo?

[jimbo666]

i'm doing ok....staying at home and studying this weekend and just trying to relax and think...

[mashmac]

That sounds great, working those little gray cells is good for the spirit.:)

[jimbo666]

hey everyone! i'm doing much better as i said before....i'm trying so hard to be in good moods and positive and all that....but no matter what i do certain things go through my mind....such as i'm goin to war for the second time....what if i dont come back? a life with no love? sorry to be negative but to live a life without ever experiencing love is my greatest and ONLY fear in life.....what if i live my greatest fear?

[mashmac]

Jimbo, do not worry about things you can not control because you will really lose
your mind. And if you put it this way then the only option would be for you not to go back to the war zone. Is that an option?

[jimbo666]

hi! lol...no that is not an option lol...sorry but i dont think u understand the army or my job...i try not to think about those things either but how can u force urself not to? answer me that and i will.

[aussiecoffee007]

you just force yourself to think of other things. worrying a bout living your worst fear wont stop you from either living it or saving yourself from it. who by worrying will add one hour to his life?

[mashmac]

It was a rhetorical question. That's what I meant - going to war is what you do
so there is really no point wondering about what might be or not. You could equally get run over by a car tomorrow. It's not about the war. It's about you being afraid about something you have no control of. None of us do. That is life.

Have you tried to get any information on counseling in you area since we spoke about it?

[jimbo666]

my hearts been completely shattered....i will NEVER be loved by anyone....i now know this and it hurts so much i want to die....u all speak of counseling....HA! what is counseling going to do for me? is counseling going to make someone love me? or is that everyone's solution to problems.....ummm just go to counseling....i don't need counseling.....i need someone to love me or give me a chance.....and after today i finally got ALL of my questions answered....only took me a few years but i got em....no matter how much i change or what i do no one will love me and i know this now....my heart is in so many pieces it may as well not exist anymore....i can't wait to go to war....i wish i could stay there...

[EC]

If that's how you're going to value and appreciate your own life, how will others appreciate you and your existance? Jimbo? My post might be long this time, but I bloody well hope you will read it 'til the end.

Do you have friends you can go out and spend time with? Many of us may not, but we try, we go and see them after work, on the weekend, being seen as an annoyance.

For us to breakthrough, watch what people do, we watch what they enjoy talking about then research the same topic so we can talk about it with those people we want to spend time with. Maybe watching the same TV series and talk about it at work on the next day will even help, first you might get rejected, but persistence is everything.

Spread happiness, not sadness, join conversations and talk about good things, people like to gossip and complain, you can still join these guys by talking about good things, good things are boring, but you can pick good interesting things to talk about. Things that's happening around town, look in newspapers, listen to radio, and TV will get you news about what's on, what's cool, etc.

I haven't spoke of counsellings so don't put me into the "ALL", this is one thing I want to give you advise on as well. If you categorize and pre-judge people, sometimes it makes them bring up their defensive side, back away, or just plain attack back at you. Accept them for who they are and keep opened mind.

Just my opinion on counselling, I too don't believe on counselling, paying someone my hard earned money, but if I need it I will, taking an active step to fix myself is something I would be proud of. But I never get to go to counselling since I always hold on longer, be patient, redirect my attention to something constructive so I won't suffer in hard and difficult time. I always end up fixing myself (Note, I said fixing myself, not fixing my problems as problems can't always be fixed instantly) first, then work out ways to fix the problems. There are millions like me and you, suffering, but they don't give up Jimbo, the ones that DID GIVE UP are now lying 6 ft under, people cry about them for a few weeks and many are forgotten because people wants to be happy, they want to hold on to good memory not memory of someone that's always sad and depressed. Counselling definitely not going to help you get a girlfriend, it helps you with yourself, love yourself and one day someone will love you.

Remember, you have to Give BEFORE you can Take. Simple example, you come here share with us your experience though you're asking for advise, you're sharing, you're giving, we appreciate how you open up to us, we open up to you and give you advises, we give.

If someone does love you, and you said "I WILL NEVER BE LOVED BY ANYONE" that is such an insult to them, if you ever told anyone this and they happened to be the ones that love you a lot, you would have hurt them badly because they were there but you fail to see them, just like how you think others fail to see you.

Where you are right now you're only looking up and seeing all the people up there with their happy lives, but Jimbo, dude, look down and see all those people who have absolutely nothing, those who are worse off than yourself, are they pathetic? Yes, some maybe pathetic, but out of all those people, you will always see at least one, striving, trying, breaking through one way or the other. Standing on their own legs and get up every time they fall. People admire these types of guys, you can be one of them, also why give up when a whole bunch of us here on the forums are supporting you, caring about you while you're ignoring us, thinking we do not care, do not love you, why do you fail to see our supports? You post so many posts here, keep getting responses all the time, why don't you see us Jimbo? Are we so unimportant and insignificant for your attention? Just because we don't think like you and we don't say things you want to hear, doesn't mean we don't care about you.

Your question is not answered like you think Jimbo, everyone spend their whole lives taking things for granted, then spending the rest of their lives working out and trying to find answers to what you're asking.

No matter how much you change no one is going to love you? Mate, be yourself, but be yourself who's evolved and matured, not changing yourself to suit someone else, though in relationships sometimes we have to compromise that part of ourselves to make things work. Life is full of disappointments and, what makes a great man is how deals with his life and those bumps.

Maybe if you spend less time posting and more time trying to improve yourself, attitudes, taking interests in things and go out meeting people, it will get better.

[EC]

Sure we don't understand your job, but if your job is affecting your life, why don't you quit the friggin' job of falicitating killing people and get a new job?

That's one of the things previously mentioned, taking proactive and positive step in your life. I once held on to a job I thought was one of the greatest thing to improve my career step which will help me get good job and money in the future to support my wife and family. I held on to it too long, too unnecessary, and I can say that it has changed my life, in a negative way in which I am now trying to break out of the impact it has caused.

Don't you dare say I don't care about you, because if you think about it, you'll see that I am sharing what's so personal and close to my heart, to you, and it hurts thinking about it.

[jimbo666]

i do appreciate everyone here...but you don't understand EC....i have been happy and loved myself...i've changed so many times for the right reasons and for the wrong reasons....counseling and talking or hanging out with people will not get me what i want...loving myself will not get me what i want...i did love myself...i loved who i was and how i was...i was very proud cuz i was better in my mind...not better than people but i had much better morals and attitudes....the things you tell me to fix and love myself and someone will then be able to love me? thats crap EC...i know you all try to be positive and want me to change and be happy but you dont know everything about me and i KNOW how things are going to be....its not a bad attitude that makes me lonely....this is recent...and besides you know how many bad attitude jerks have countless women left and right? why is it that none of this advice applies to someone who is good looking? why does this advice only fall onto ugly people? ugly is a bad word...unattractive people....your wrong too about what i said "I KNOW NO ONE WILL EVERY LOVE ME"....EC tell me one person that loves me....just one and you will win that argument...you cannot say you love me you don't know me and i don't believe that i love everyone stuff...EC i've heard before that you can't judge others problems or level of depression because everything affects each person differently....you will never know how bad all of this hurts me....today my heart was shattered....again....i've had my heart broken more than anyone i know and i've never been with anyone....now that's bad....i don't think i'm pathetic i feel pathetic....being ugly doesnt make someone pathetic....it makes them unwanted which is much worse...there are so many things you dont know and so many things that you dont understand EC...telling me to change and all that is meant to make me feel better....it wont solve my problems....and i know all of you think that no one COULD love someone as angry and depressed as me until i fix it....i was a wonderful guy EC...no one would have treated a girl as good as me....no one would have loved someone as much as i would have....you said go hang out with friends? i dont have any friends anymore....i cared so much about my friends but they never cared much for me so their all gone....the only person that did love me i lost a few months ago over something stupid...she was my best friend....i loved her very much...but she also hurt me more than anyone else all the time....you can try to make be positive all you want EC but you dont hold love at the same level i do...it doesnt affect you like it does me....i wish i could explain everything to you EC....maybe then you would understand but i dunno if i could....and if i tried i'm sure i would forget things cuz its so much to say...this isnt a spurt moment of feelings....this isnt a few months of depression....all of this is my entire life experience....ALL of my life has been very hard....i've welcomed death for as long as i can remember....i'm not suicidal and i honestly dont know y i'm not i'm just not...maybe cuz of my fear...must be...i do care about you guys EC...i care a lot more than you think...think of something traumatic that happened to you EC....do you remember how your chest sunk and hurt? do you remember it was hard to breath? did you feel cold instantly? did you feel as though you were blacking out? EC i get this feeling everyday! i shake and cry every day...its a miracle that no one finds out at work...i guess i'm good at hiding it...i cry every morning....afternoon...and bedtime...god thats the worst time of day for me....in the past few years i have never once made through wal-mart...a mall...anywhere with people and not teared up because of all the couples in there...all of you tell me to change and it will come...thats a fairy tale EC...i know no one can love someone who is in my state right now....but if i were in the state you want me to be it would make no change...i know that now EC and thats why i hurt so much more right now...someone said earlier that i plan on dying in war...no i dont i just said if i do then i would have lived my only fear in life...what if i come back ok? i'll be older and thats about it...time will not change the worlds perception of me no matter how much i change...do you not see that? god how i wish you could watch my life and see....i wish you knew everything i've learned so far...this is driving me insane...i have so much pain and hatred for the world now....lets say i did fix myself and i was happy and all that you want me to do??? your wrong if you think that will get someone to love me...all that work and illusion for what? so i can feel better when i die old and alone? oh yeah....i dont have friends...they didnt leave me cuz of all this....i cant even make friends anymore....i dont even desire friends anymore....i'm just gonna shut up now...you wont understand what i want you to know...

[jimbo666]

yeah i'll just quit the army EC...i'll just go AWOL right now...**** it...yeah that'll make my life much better...the army does add to my problem but its not anywhere near the source of my problems...and i know you care EC and i care about all of you as well....you keep telling me to change....what if i was damn near perfect before? what if i was exactly what girls wanted out of a guy? and still didnt get anything? you tell me how you go from that to this and back to it??? and what steps are you talking about....i thought i crossed the first step with you guys the other day....today was a harsh reality that smashed the **** out those steps...back on the floor....no steps in sight....it doesnt matter how good i feel or how nice and positive i am EC...when are you gonna get the hint it will not matter how or who i am...it will change nothing other than i'll be more pleasant to be around...

[EC]

Change and improve is similar but still they are two different things. Don't worry Jimbo, it will get better. I've said almost all that I could have said, now it's your job to process what suits you and your situation. Good luck bro'

[EC]

OK, I admit I don't understand what you may want me to know. Human mind is a complex thing and it's not even remotely possible to understand someone completely.

Well, just want to let you know that we're all here, for you to vent to, to tell us your life story, to read every letters you typed.

What happened to that wonderful guy you used to be Jimbo? How? If we can't help you, you may be able to help many of us here with your experience.

[jimbo666]

that guy quit....whats the point in being a great guy and very kind when you get treated badly by everyone around you....your kindness and big heart always takin advantage of...through time now i am bitter...i am very angry all the time...it seems as though the only thing that makes me smile anymore is fighting...i loved it as a kid and i love it now...i didnt come here to tell people my life story...i came here in hopes of finding out the answers to why no one will love me...i now have those answers...now bitter and full of hate...there will always be a part of me that cares for others...so if i can i will try to help others here as i am very good at giving relationship advice...but to be honest i dont think that guy will ever exist again....even if i want him to...

[jimbo666]

EC you really are a good friend...you barely know me and you have shown quite some care for me...thank you...i know i argue with you about things and say i will never change...change is inevitable...but all of my hopes are gone now...i'm just in a constant state of pain and anger...today is a very good day for me to just sit at home and think about all of this...thinking for so much time usually helps me....maybe i'm just unstable...i dunno anymore....but thank you for your support EC...

[mashmac]

Jimbo - do you really think anyone would bother trying to give you support if we didn't care? I mean we could just ignore it. But this is what we are about here - seeking comfort from each other, venting, talking and yes sometimes we do get
a bit annoyed.

We all came here with issues, we all have them. It doesn't matter if yours, mine, EC's or anyone elses is more or less important because to each of us that is the issue we are trying to resolve. It's not a competition, it's a sort of group therapy
where we try to listen and exchange opinions and we value those opinios or else we would have moved on from here.

It's just that you are constantly putting yourself down, always seem to see it from the dark side and appear to be digging a hole that is just getting deeper.
So we are throwing ropes at you to help you pull out but we do not have a miracle cure in store because only you with your mental strength can decide you do not want to stay there.

Think baby steps, tiny progress, little things that you could do and those will end up accumulating and you will notice a difference. I promise.

[jimbo666]

ok so this is for everyone that tells me to wait i'm young...tells me i'm just starting my life....tell me i have plenty of time....everything and the advice people give me....i'm 22....right....young....i have plenty of time to find love....ok soooooo what i would like to know is think about all of the things you have said to me....think hard.....now what if i said i was 37 and in the exact same boat? ALL of your perceptions would have been different...no one would tell me to be patient....no one would tell me to wait....in fact they would tell me to hurry....this isnt just for that one piece of advice i get...think of everything people say to me....think of what you have said....you would not have said the same things....so why would all of you tell me some bullshit like that in the first place??? just cuz i'm young you want to blow all of it off and tell me to wait....things will change....well what are all of you going to say when i'm 50 and still complaining on here??? what if i do change and go back to being that wonderful guy and still get nothing??? all of you judge my problems and base them off of age and thats crap!!! if i were 50 and said everything to you....and some of you i have gone in very much detail outside of this forum....i just wanna know how people can tell me all that stuff becasue i'm 22....but if i were 50 it would completely change things....i'm tired of hearing nothing but crap....people need to lay off tv and face reality and give me some real advice...i'm not saying all advice has been bad....in fact i've had some of the best of it on here so please dont get all defensive...i just got done chatting with 3 different girls...ages were 22, 28 and 36....i told them a different age....guess what? completely different answers... a whole lot of that stupid crap wasnt said to me....i wonder why??? hmmmmm.....:rippedhand:

[mashmac]

Err Jimbo, I am 37 and I still feel there is plenty left ahead. I do not feel old at all.


:dance:

Actually, I do hope there is plenty more to come even if it doesn't, hope I have. Not necessarily as far as love is concerned just from life. Cause I love life. That's my love.

And the reality is: you are 22 unless you've given us the wrong figure
I am not sure what you are getting at.

[aussiecoffee007]

i hope that you chagne by the time youre 50, so that were not telling you all of this. we are telling you now because youre 22 and still there is so much time to grow and develop and you are not taking advantage of it. we take it as it comes, when youre 50 and still complaining, do you realize you will have been complaining for 28 years?! about the same thing? and never changing it, you still will be. we are telling you NOW because you ARE 22 not 37 (which isnt old anyway, mashmac is like a newborn :) ) or 50 and still complaining. lets hope it never reaches that point.

[jimbo666]

hey! so ummm u missed the whole part about where i said "what if i do change back to that wonderful guy?" and nothing happens for me.....maybe ur missing what i was saying...

[EC]

People do take advantages of each other, I am sure that at times you and I do it as well. The trick is to understand this foundation and realize that no matter where we go there will be these types of people, basic human stuff.

No matter what others do, just keep up the good work with yourself, we may walk away unhappy with others, but surely happy with ourselves and take pride in what we do.

As for your future, well, we'll see, it depends how you play this never ending game of your life, and we're all in it :)

[EC]

Well Jimbo, some people get satisfaction from hanging around people who take things for granted, people who can 'give' them something. I like to walk on both worlds, I get my happiness from 'taking' as well, as well as helping others and wanting nothing back, I know I will walk away feeling happy with myself. But it will be a true bonus if I get a true friend from it.

Care or not, not so important. I want to sit down with you, have icy cold beers (Change beers to whatever you drink) after our long days of work, chatting about some $h|t or about a chick you're mad about, and look you in the eyes as a friend, so you know that this moment, a moment like that, that's what is worth living for, just to have another one of that, no matter when.

You don't have to know all the time what's going to happen, sometimes you have to go with the flow.

Well, I have to go now, try to have a good day mate!

[aussiecoffee007]

maybe you shouldnt always assume the worst. maybe you didnt understand me, we deal with that when it comes. if you do change back and nothing happens, we take it as it comes. why worry about it now?

[Tuxie]

Jimbo -

I truly believe those here are trying their hardest to at least talk you through this 'funk' you're in. The term 'people are stupid' isn't very nice and people here may think that you don't really appreciate the time they're taking to try to help you. Just a kind word for you... I think you need to watch not only what you say, but how you say it also. :)

[Penguin_Woman]

I'm with Tuxie. We're all just trying our best to be supportive. We may not always say the right thing but we are trying. :)

[jimbo666]

i thought i said it in there that the advice here was great??? i didnt mean the people on here were stupid....i meant people i know and other people i meet on the net....they all give me the same answers that are worthless to me...i'm sorry for the confusion....i try to watch how i say things but sometimes i just dont catch it...sorry.

[Tuxie]

It's ok... just try to be more careful. I've learned, from experience, the typed word lacks emotion. Sometimes it's hard to read people and how they mean something. :)

[jimbo666]

hey its ok...counseling is wonderful for some people....i myself dont see a point as counseling concentrates on healing past trauma's...experiences....heart aches...etc....and heal depression....counseling just isnt something that can help me ya know....i have to change and be that nice guy i was before but its so hard when u tried so hard and have so much hate now....i am trying its just so hard...i also fear counseling to be honest....i get such severe rage i dont dare go in there...and like i said...i dont want to feel better i want to be loved....love me and i will be the happiest man on earth....until then i'll always desire and be jealous of others....even when i was that great guy i was always jealous and it hurt then as well....maybe i just crossed that point of i cant take it anymore....i dunno...but i agree with people i need to get out of it somehow....i get such bad thoughts when i'm like this....i also lose friends so now i'm even more lonely....today i told my mother some of these things....i really upset her cuz i got mad at her for saying the same things everyone else has....i feel bad about it...i told her thats y i'm always in a bad mood and dont talk to her much cuz the slightest thing angers me and i hate being a jerk to my mother and family....all she could say is looks dont matter....i often wonder how i'm not that attractive....my sister is a babe! what happened to me? my mother still gets compliments from guys....it actually pisses me off at stores lol...my whole life people always talked about how handsome and good looking my dad was/is....my mother is talked about that way as well....my sister too....i'm told i'm the best looking child????? seriously i wanna know whats so bad about me....i'm not saying i'm ugly but just cuz ur not ugly doesnt mean ur attractive.....i feel as though on a scale of 1 to 10 i'm a 3 and every girl in the world KNOWS they can get 5 or better ya know? i see so many cute girls with fat and ugly looking guys....jobless, lazy ********.....i'm in shape, good job that i excell at, very intelligent and educated, clean, neat and organized, funny, caring....god just listing things makes me sad....i thought girls want many of the qualities i have in a guy....i never knew they were truly meaningless to girls...i had so many girl friends....to everyone i knew i was the biggest sweety and romantic guy....the kind of guy they dream of is what they would tell me.....HA i'm tearin up again lol....you'd think after so much time it wouldn't hurt so much lol....it hurts even worse with time....i dont wanna give up....i wanna love someone so bad....god it hurts......

[aussiecoffee007]

i think you have to start loving yourself before anyone else loves you really, jimbo. its got to come first. why do you get angry with people who try to help? perhaps if we all say the same thing its true?

please dont call people bastards, or retarded. that can be really really offensive to loads of people.

[Penguin_Woman]

Jimbo.....really just...you need to get some kind of help. Look, whatever you are on a scale of 1-10 is not as important as the type of person you are. Stop, wait. I already know what your going to say. Your a great guy, you treat women great. You know...let me put it to you this way. I heard this in this movie. The movie was fiction but they had a lot of people on as consultants for this mvie. Psychologists, dating column writers, people who run dating sites, workshops etc. Anyway...they were saying that something like (and pardon me cuz I might be slightly off) 60% of what you say is body language, 30% is tone of voice. So to put it as the main character put it it: 90% of what you are really "saying" isn't coming out of your mouth. You carry around this aura of negativity. When you first joined, if you remember...I pointed out to you the tyoes of questions and answers you gave on YA. You said it was just a bad day and not to judge you buy that. Fair enough... but since joining...I've not seen you HAVE a "good day". You know...your sigpic looks a lot like I'm sure you sorta appear to others. You can almost see the grey cloud following you around...raining on your head. I moved these last couple posts to a seperate thread because I don't want another thread sent OT by your rants. I'm sorry if I seem mean but they kind of are. You come across sometimes, not as a man who's lonely who loves women but can't catch a break. But instead as a misogynist. Women can pick up on this sort of thing. Look...you once said people say what they say because of your age right? Ok. Let's see...if you told me you were 37 had only a few failed dates, no real serious gf's and all. I'd tell you still that you are young and that you will meet her, "Miss right", someday. You just have to have the right attitude. If you were 47 I'd say the same thing. If you were 57...well, I might say that the problem is you've gone so long without a woman you've become bitter and angry and almost disdainful of them. That if you get help, change your attitude you can and will find someone because your as young as you feel. The key is to feel and act that way. You, Jimbo...act like that 57 year old man. Let me tell you something. When I was 21, 22 years old...I thought I'd never find true love, I'd never get married. I'd had bf's....but nothing that truly lasted. At that time my longest relationship was an on again off again relationship for 2 years with a guy I met in high school. When I went off to college, we broke up...for good. I thought my world ended and I'd never find true love. Because of that I rushed and kind of married the first guy who wanted to get married. I was 22 but already feeling like an old spinster and felt like If I didn't hurry and grab him, I'd be alone the rest of my life. I told myself I loved him and that I wanted to marry him. When, in all actuality I think all I wanted...was to be married. Within 3 months of meeting, we were married. I left him but I do still regret it and feel it was a huge mistake. Then I met a wonderful man and my whole world changed. I realized how foolish I was for rushing into marriage thinking I'd never find love because I found it with him. I realized the errors in my thinking and that love can happen at any age. I'm now 30 and I cannot see my life without him in it. I ended my sham of a marriage as soon as I was able and someday will go to be with the man I love. My point in all this is please don't make the same mistakes I did. You ARE young. I was there once and I know it didn't seem that way. But you are. You've a lifetime ahead of you and you can choose how to live it. You can choose to be the voice of doom and gloom. Throwing pity parties every night. Or you can choose to straighten up and fly right. You can ask yourself (cuz only you know the real answer) "what am I doing that scares these women away? What can I do to become a better person and more desirable mate?" The choice is up to you. Choose carefully and well.

[jimbo666]

i told you i've tried everything....i've already gone through and worked for a long time on tone of voice and body language....nothing changed....i've asked myself those questions a lot....what am i doing wrong? how am i scaring them away? you give me speeches quite often yet you don't listen to what i say...i've done everything....now your being like the others and just trying to find excuses...i've done it and done it well....you can throw everything you want at me i've already done it...and i've had wonderful coaches for a long time....what do you want me to do? other than love myself....who said i hated myself? also thats crap....sorry i'm not being mean but you think in a narrow hallway and not the whole building....how many guys are at a bar and are complete jerks? how many guys do EVERYTHING wrong and get girls? how many guys dont do anything and girls pursue them? where's all your tips for those guys? i know you mean well but your not thinking reality and about everyone else....y does it only have to apply to me? and my two dates you make sound like i "got" those dates.....well as a refresher....the first one was my best friends niece and she was FORCED to go....the second one wanted someone who would be extremely easy to con so she could cheat on her husband and i was dumb enough to fall for it....she even admitted all of it to me a few days later...so honestly you cant even count those....which would put me at 0...your intentions are good but be realistic please....and think whether or not your advice only applies to me or everyone....cuz those things you just said do not apply to everyone as i said before....i used to argue with my best friend cuz she was so nice and sweet and had the best intentions for me....it took me a while to figure this out and she almost didnt even know she was doing it...we went through every scenario...every possible thing...and after a while and seeing so many guys mess all of it up....its all just excuses....she would just try to make excuses for it and give me hope....we fought about it and she finally looked at it from my point of view and saw i was right....then to help her understand i asked her some questions....i asked her how she really thought about me....(believe me she's honest) she said i was the sweetest guy she knows....i'm very nice but not too nice...she said i would be the perfect boyfriend to any girl....she said i wasn't "bad" looking...she said so many good things about me....she said i had so many good qualities she cant understand y girls dont jump all over me...sooooo i asked her y she never jumped on me....she started crying and couldnt answer me for a while....i told her "see nothing but excuses cuz if i'm so great and wonderful y dont u want me"....she just said she was sorry....i kept buggin her about it...she said she doesnt think of me like that....i asked y....she said i wasnt her type and not what she wanted....her type is tall dark and handsome....well i'm tall and dark....she likes guys with a body like mine....she said i was sooooo perfect....so how am i not for her? and that whole she didnt wanna risk losing a friend is crap....people only say that if they dont want the other person....its a nice way and it doesnt hurt people's feelings....anyway, this girl has went with me to watch me...been there for me...everything....this girl knows me better than myself....she's older and she's a very smart girl and has had plenty of experience with relationships and dating....lets keep in mind this girl is no super model....and guess what else? just like every other girl she picked another jerk....instead of me she married a fat red headed guy who treats her very badly....cheats on her...hits her...threatens her....toucher her when she doesnt want to be...he's very bad to her....if someone is that way to you how do girls keep falling in love with them??? y would she even date a guy like that? thats what i also wanna know....y do girls pick the worst guys and then cry about it....our friendship ended recently...i loved her so much....she used to call me everyday and cry about how bad her life is and how much she hates it cuz of him....after so much time i got mad....i told her she got what she deserves for picking him....i told her she has no right to cry about it she's had so many warnings and opportunities to leave him and didnt....i asked her how she can complain and wish for good things when she passed me up....the supposedly perfect guy any girl couldnt resist....and go with him....i said a lot and i know i hurt her.....we've hurt each other in the past and always got over it and we were so close....but that did it and she wont talk to me anymore....my guess is and i'm very sure i'm right is it only hurt her so much cuz i only spoke truth...she hates me now for telling her the truth....all i asked her for was the truth and all she ever did was fill my head with crap and make excuses for all the girls in the world to not like me.....oh yeah....you spoke of body language and tone? the way she stared at me and hugged me and talked to me you would swear on your life she was crazy about me....obviously not huh? girls are very deceitful in that area....a guy acts that way its very clear but when a girl does it it could mean something or nothing....very misleading...

[summit]

You want some straight up advise, I will give it to you, sugar coated free since it seems to me what you wanted, you can take it or leave it, I am only trying to help although the truth may seem a little harsh. Although I am very new here and by no means an expert, I have dated alot of good looking girls, and am by no means some hunk of a ladies man. I have read alot of your posts, and in my humble opinion, I think you have a bad attitude about the whole dating thing, I dont think it has anything to do with age, and I think its something that only gets worse with age. Before you even get up to a girl to talk to her, I can bet you have already beaten yourself being filled with so much self doubt and rejection, that is if your posts reflect your real world life at all.

If I have totally missed, I do apologize, but being in my late 20's myself, I think I can identify with you, and I can tell you that looks is not everything, you can be the ugliest guy in the world and still land girls with the right attitude. Attitude goes hand in hand with how a women is attracted to you, those first 30 seconds when you go up to a girl to talk to her is probly the most important part of any kind of relationship to be, you have to get over being nervous and truly believe you have something to offer, your worth it, you can get this girl, those 30 seconds tell her what kind of man you are, and you want to be someone who is confident in who they are, someone they can turn to for support, someone they can trust, not some emotional, self concious, needy person who constantly needs reassurance in himself.

If you are confident in yourself, and truly believe you have something to offer, it shows through, and you look that much more hansome to her. If you think your some ugly guy with nothing to offer, shes going to see it, and what kind of girl wants a guy with no confidence, and thinks so lowly of himself? 19 times out of 20 this is why a guy cannot land a girl, not because hes unattractive, but because he thinks hes unattractive, and it kills the self confidence, let her decide if shes physicaly attracted to you or not, its not for you to decide.

Your gonna get rejected, probly alot, but so what? whats so bad about rejection that should keep you from trying again? keep you from meeting the next one that could work out?, you will probly never see that person again, and if you do so what, at least she knows you have the rocks to ask her out or talk to her, its not like shes going to hold it against you for asking her out, or approaching her at the bar.

1. You need to get over youself, you have started threads all over the place so I would think your looking for online attention because you cannot get the real life attention you want, as everyone said your still young, and there is no need to panic, panic is never a good thing in any circumstance, you will come off as desperate and probly scare the girl away

2. You really need to build up your self confidence, you cannot let rejection effect this either, rejection is part of dating like it or not, it will never go away, and some people live with more rejection than others, but so what deal with it, move on, and don't dwell on it, trying to pinpoint what she may have rejected you for, who cares, its not your problem.

3. Stop wanting a relationship so badly, things happen best when they are unexpected, just try going out and enjoying the other aspects of your life, forget about this for a while, whether your 22 or 42 I would tell you the same, get your thoughts together, and whats really important to you

4. Get some confidence, decide who you would to come accross as to a lady, and be that person, dont act like it, you wanna be confident, and not give a rip either way, then do it, whats stopping you, being rejected? well we already covered that.

Your right, some people are stupid, so dont become one of them, dont beat yourself before even approaching a women, which in my opinion is what your doing now.

[jimbo666]

hey! i really like your advice...at this moment yes you're completely right and i know that and that is why i dont even try lately...before though i had a lot of confidence and i knew i had a lot to offer...everything my friends used to tell me how could i not feel good about myself? it didnt work then and i know rejection is something every person in the world goes through....i'm fine with rejection....what i'm not ok with is i don't even get any dates or anything...i know looks aren't the most important but they matter to a certain point for every person...some are more open and some aren't....it doesn't make anyone bad its just how they are. i'm not starving for attention on here...i've heard the same kind of advice hundreds of times and i want to explain and clarify everything in hopes of new advice....i really like your advice and i agree with you but before it didnt seem to work...but that doesnt mean its not true...as of right now i'm all messed up and need to fix myself first before i can go onto those other things....i am desperate and i dont want to wait...thats just me...its in my blood...i just want to love....i need it and i want it....most of the time i can live life and be happy and not be bothered by being alone....not lately though and i know why....its cuz i'm leaving and its going to be such a long time before i get to try and meet a girl again....if i come back and all that....that builds to it a lot....there are many things that build up to it its just not one simple thing....as far as confidence? i dont think i'll ever be confident about my looks ever again but as far as confidence that i have a lot to offer i have a lot of confidence there because i know i will be wonderful to whatever girl decides i'm worth her time....i still have a few months before i leave but its really not worth it to find someone and then just leave them....its not fair to them or myself....and plus i live in a dump with about 20 guys per girl....most girls are married already too and all the girls that live in the cities about an hour away dont like army guys or the distance so its very hard to get a girl around here....you said if your confident and know you have something offer a girl can see that....they didnt see it before thats all i'm saying...yes i'm young but i dont want to wait until i'm almost 30 to start the dating process....you've dated before and you know well enough i will not find my wife the first try....it takes a lot of dating and several serious relationships to find someone that special....i want that very much but thats not what i'm asking for right now...right now i just want someone to be with...and if you read my other posts you can see that before i got into this bad state i was a good guy and many girls thought so....but i still wasnt good enough for them...

[summit]

You say you used to have confidence, but what kind of confidence? Are you that certain that it dosnt work for you that you gave it up, now what do you have? Can you say your in a better place now?

A guy who goes to the bar, waves his money around and starts talking about his multimillion dollar yaht he bought to tow behind his bigger yaht, sure he has confidence, but is it the attractive kind? to most women, hardly likely

A guy walks into a club, big hulking muscles, walks like he has a stick up his ***, eyeing every chick in the club, and any guy that dosnt bow down to his presence, thinking he is the man, would this be attractive to a women? to most not likely, and the ones that are, you dont want em

What im trying to get at here is confidence in general is not what I meant, you need to be confident in the fact there is someone out there for you, and that someone could be the one your talking to, you have to be confident that if you play your cards right, this women would be interested in you and never let yourself think otherwise.

Your talking about needing love, but think about this for a second, NEEDING, is that the way you want to come accross? you need water, food and shelter, that is all you need, women are not attracted to guys who need things, and once they catch on to the fact that your trying to push the relationship too fast, they will wonder whats wrong with this guy that he feels the need to bag me right away? not a good position to be in

Then you say you cannot wait, but you dont realize that everything good is worth waiting for? what are your expectations? meet someone and propose in the same night?, another bad thing, women can pick up on guys like yourself, and get scared off before even knowing you, body language and the way you speak can tell a women your whole story before you even open your mouth, you said you tried, so try again harder then.

If you truly believe that you are so ugly that no women wants you, then I can issue a challenge for you, give me your picture, and a couple weeks since im a busy guy, and I will have girls who are wanting a date with you, just to show you it is attitude, and give you hope which you seem to have none right now. If I can get girls to want to date me with your picture, then you will have to realize its not your looks, and owe me a favour in the form of going in and getting some professional help, if I loose then I will admit to you straight up, but I know I won't have to.

[pika]

Hi Jimbo,

U r all wrong...calm down, I'm 25, i only had a puppy love once when i was 15....it was a sweet innocene love.
If you ask me, i have also think what you have thought of before.

I am still young, i can take my time to choose....and i choose, waited and waited..now i am 25, i see my friends started to pair up and some even got married with kids.....all those friends that was happening with me once were all gone, i am so lonely at times.

Yes i am still young my friends often say this to me.....wait..choose properly, I too myself get ****** off sometimes as well, however, these things cant be rushed...U wish to be in a relationship, you got to choose the right partner as well. I blaming for every girl i met that seems to be attached.

You sounded like you just want to be in a relationship, okay so if i find you a partner, any partner regardless of her age and looks would you be fine to continue the relationship with her?
So things cannot be rushed, thats where the feelings, crush etc comes into the pic.

What i did at your stage was just focus elsewhere...my friend could have gone through 10 times of relationship at my age and i have only 1. But thats ok, cause he has gone through 9 times of heart breaking with me by his side.

I learned and i dont wish to be in his state, so i decided that i should choose the correct partner.

Do you know that with the mentality of trying a relationship and breaking up if cant seems to work is a selfish act that not only you get injured, the other party as well...

[pika]

i told you i've tried everything....i've already gone through and worked for a long time on tone of voice and body language....nothing changed....i've asked myself those questions a lot....what am i doing wrong? how am i scaring them away? you give me speeches quite often yet you don't listen to what i say...i've done everything....now your being like the others and just trying to find excuses...i've done it and done it well....you can throw everything you want at me i've already done it...and i've had wonderful coaches for a long time....what do you want me to do? other than love myself....who said i hated myself? also thats crap....sorry i'm not being mean but you think in a narrow hallway and not the whole building....how many guys are at a bar and are complete jerks? how many guys do EVERYTHING wrong and get girls? how many guys dont do anything and girls pursue them? where's all your tips for those guys? i know you mean well but your not thinking reality and about everyone else....y does it only have to apply to me? and my two dates you make sound like i "got" those dates.....well as a refresher....the first one was my best friends niece and she was FORCED to go....the second one wanted someone who would be extremely easy to con so she could cheat on her husband and i was dumb enough to fall for it....she even admitted all of it to me a few days later...so honestly you cant even count those....which would put me at 0...your intentions are good but be realistic please....and think whether or not your advice only applies to me or everyone....cuz those things you just said do not apply to everyone as i said before....i used to argue with my best friend cuz she was so nice and sweet and had the best intentions for me....it took me a while to figure this out and she almost didnt even know she was doing it...we went through every scenario...every possible thing...and after a while and seeing so many guys mess all of it up....its all just excuses....she would just try to make excuses for it and give me hope....we fought about it and she finally looked at it from my point of view and saw i was right....then to help her understand i asked her some questions....i asked her how she really thought about me....(believe me she's honest) she said i was the sweetest guy she knows....i'm very nice but not too nice...she said i would be the perfect boyfriend to any girl....she said i wasn't "bad" looking...she said so many good things about me....she said i had so many good qualities she cant understand y girls dont jump all over me...sooooo i asked her y she never jumped on me....she started crying and couldnt answer me for a while....i told her "see nothing but excuses cuz if i'm so great and wonderful y dont u want me"....she just said she was sorry....i kept buggin her about it...she said she doesnt think of me like that....i asked y....she said i wasnt her type and not what she wanted....her type is tall dark and handsome....well i'm tall and dark....she likes guys with a body like mine....she said i was sooooo perfect....so how am i not for her? and that whole she didnt wanna risk losing a friend is crap....people only say that if they dont want the other person....its a nice way and it doesnt hurt people's feelings....anyway, this girl has went with me to watch me...been there for me...everything....this girl knows me better than myself....she's older and she's a very smart girl and has had plenty of experience with relationships and dating....lets keep in mind this girl is no super model....and guess what else? just like every other girl she picked another jerk....instead of me she married a fat red headed guy who treats her very badly....cheats on her...hits her...threatens her....toucher her when she doesnt want to be...he's very bad to her....if someone is that way to you how do girls keep falling in love with them??? y would she even date a guy like that? thats what i also wanna know....y do girls pick the worst guys and then cry about it....our friendship ended recently...i loved her so much....she used to call me everyday and cry about how bad her life is and how much she hates it cuz of him....after so much time i got mad....i told her she got what she deserves for picking him....i told her she has no right to cry about it she's had so many warnings and opportunities to leave him and didnt....i asked her how she can complain and wish for good things when she passed me up....the supposedly perfect guy any girl couldnt resist....and go with him....i said a lot and i know i hurt her.....we've hurt each other in the past and always got over it and we were so close....but that did it and she wont talk to me anymore....my guess is and i'm very sure i'm right is it only hurt her so much cuz i only spoke truth...she hates me now for telling her the truth....all i asked her for was the truth and all she ever did was fill my head with crap and make excuses for all the girls in the world to not like me.....oh yeah....you spoke of body language and tone? the way she stared at me and hugged me and talked to me you would swear on your life she was crazy about me....obviously not huh? girls are very deceitful in that area....a guy acts that way its very clear but when a girl does it it could mean something or nothing....very misleading...

Everyone has their sad story...to be true, i think i havent got over the girl i had a crush with, like what you did.
As hard as i try to convince myself that i am not affected by her, it seems like i am still in love with her.....EC and mashmac would have known about this.
She is just sitting infront of me each day....however since i have promised her, i have to pretend to be normal each day...focus elsewhere on my work and worse part, i can't be the same like you telling her off, blaming her for not choosing me when I thought i should be the perfect guy for her.

However Jimbo, let me tell you the truth, cold hard truth, There is no perfect guy for a girl whom he think he is. Girls will determine which is the perfect guy for them. They would say to you that yes, you are a nice guy, i don't deserve you.

The way we handle the situation are different. As much as i wanted to give her a tick at times for being so harsh and inconsiderate on me, I can't. Yes call me a fake, a coward but i do not wish to affect her. It is not wrong for her to choose. Everyone has the right to choose who they want to be with and you cannot simply help her to choose. I am sad, but i do not wish her to be sad. I know i will never get over her but i just for her to be happy each day.
And i always believe that one day, my turn will come. I may not find a girl like her, but there will be the one that is really meant for me. Who knows, i am still young. :p

I know i may not be in any position to advise you but i would still like to tell you to stay cool, be yourself and don't think too much!!!! One day you will find the one for you.

[jimbo666]

pika i'm not exactly sure what you said but you made me feel better somehow...thank you...i agree with you about the girl will decide who she wants...and yes i am heart broken she didn't want anything to do with me....she's not the first to break my heart like that....another former best friend in high school completely crushed me....maybe my eyes are opening already...i feel good tonight and i'm starting to think i need to focus really hard and become a nice guy again and work on all that stuff...i should be more patient cuz no matter how much i want someone i can't because i'm leaving for such a long time its kind of dumb to freak out about it when i know nothing can happen...hopefully in the time i am gone i can fix everything and become a great guy girls will appreciate and hopefully like...i'll be your age at that time and i have high hopes right now...thank you for your words of wisdom....they did something for me....:D

[pika]

Although we say this and this but we both know its not easy....it never will....
but then lets just hope we can lessen the feeling and please come to think of it, its not your fault to be in this plight....not her fault for causing you too....its no body fault..just that it might not be the right time, right place yet......
well let the future do the worrying..don think too much. wait till you are 30 years old then panic for the stuff you imagine at 30. Meanwhile, hey enjoy the 22years old life!!! Don waste the time and regret what you are doing at 22 when you hit 30.....U find it even worse!!!!!!:p

[pika]

Sometimes....there are things that we know that its worthless for us to wait or even pursue but somehow the rebellious part within us kept us from doing and we cannot stop....I know i don hold a chance.....but i just pull myself away. I really wish to be myself at time, telling the other party how much i need her but it wouldnt work because all these are just within ourselves.....to the other, it doesnt matter...it really doesnt...and how i wish i can do things that it doesnt matter to myself as well......

Jimbo....everyone has their sad part and their uncontrollable area.....its just that even so we have to move on with our life....pick ourself up and move on....i believe if you can help yourself up this once.....you view things differently....believe me...its all within yourself......:p

[jimbo666]

ok so i've been through the body language thing before but i'm still not quite clear on all of it....what and how are you suppose to move and show things? and what tones of voice? just thought i'd start goin over stuff again...

[Penguin_Woman]

Here's some sites you might wanna look at: http://changingminds.org/techniques/body/body_language.htm

http://www.shambhalablackbelts.com/Communications/readingbodylanguage.htm

[skatermom]

Jimbo

Wow. Alot to read but I read it all. I have a little bit of personal experience with your situation. First of all, let me tell you, I will be 40 years old this summer, I've been divorced for 12 years. I married my first ever serious boyfriend at 19 - we dated for 3.5 years and getting married was the next step. If I had to do it all over again, I would not have married that young - I would have definetly waited until AFTER I spent some time being independent, AFTER I established my own residence and my own individuality, and AFTER establishing a career, and AFTER I was good and ready to handle the responsibilities of marriage and life and children. I've been out there dating and meeting men for 12 years. In those 12 years, I've had 3, only 3 serious relationships, out of MANY men. And, I am still single today. I'm alone. However, I have my independence. I have a career. I have a teenage son that is my life. I'm still renting but will be buying in the next few years. And guess what? I'm still trying to find myself. At almost 40 years old, I'm not there yet.

Second of all, I dated a guy that was just like you. I mean JUST like you. Except he is almost 30 and is alone. A HUGE part of why I finally broke it off with him, after trying 3 times, was his "oh woe is me" attitude. His whole life is one huge pity party. Totally emo. It is NOT attractive at all. His whole thing was that he was soooooooooo alone and sooooooooo lonely and whyyyyyyyyy didn't any woman want him, and whhhhhhhaaattt is so wrong with him. His whining was endless. But guess what? Even when we were together, he was still like that, only he was complaining and whining about other things. And then of course, the 3 times we broke up, all the emo stuff started all over again. It's not attractive at all.


Ok, this is what I want to say to you:

1. There is nothing wrong with you. Quit thinking that there is.
2. Attitude is everything. Quit being emo. Quit sulking when things don't go right. Get back up, dust yourself off, and get back out there.
3. Your situation/your job is not conducive to a relationship right now. As much as you want a lady, you've got to know that you chose your path in life, and you've got to be happy with being your own person - you've got a very important job to do - and all this emo crap can get you in a crapload of trouble - your brain needs to be focused on your training, being "all that you can be", and becoming THAT MAN that women will flock to, once you get out and get established in the world. No woman in her right mind is going to want to get involved with an army guy that is on leave. At least *I* wouldn't. Booty calls, yeah that would be nice for you, but relationship? Nawww dude, give it up - it just ain't going to happen for ya.
4. As hard as it may be, just concentrate on yourself, your job, and create a few friendships that will get you by. FRIENDSHIPS. That's all you need right now.
5. Those two women that you went out with - they weren't AVAILABLE. What I mean by that is one was having Ex troubles and the other was married. THEY WERE NOT AVAILABLE. You should not have put your heart out there on the line like that. It was like walking into a burning building and expecting to not get burned. Get real!
6. Don't burden your current friends with all your emo stuff. Yes, they are your friends, and hopefully they will be there thru thick and thin, but they will start to tune you out, not really meaning to, but it gets old hearing the same crapola all the time. Trust me, I should know, I did it to my friends every time I had another "failure". Talk it all out on forums like this, thats what they are here for, but don't burden your friends with the same stuff over and over, I'm telling you.
7. Take up a sport. Surely the base has sports that you can get involved in. Something that increases adrenalin and well-being. Something that gets your mind off your troubles. Something that makes you smile and laugh. Something that requires teamwork.
8. MASTURBATE. Get that release. As much as you can.
9. I know how bad it is to want a partner. Trust me I do, but pining like this and being all confused and lonely is only making things worse. Best thing to do is REMOVE yourself and your feelings from the situation, take a step outside the box and look at yourself. Realize who you are, look at yourself and tell yourself that there is nothing wrong with you, and BE HAPPY WITH YOURSELF AND WITH YOUR LIFE.

Lastly, next time you are on leave, go out, have a good time, maybe even get laid, but YOU ARE THE KING. Act like one and you will be treated like one.

What you want to happen will happen, when you least expect it. Sure that's an old cliche', but it's true.

I hope I've helped. But really in truly, the only one that can help you....is YOU. A girlfriend can't even help. Because most times when someone DOES get whatever they are desperate and pining for, they STILL have problems with themselves, and until you work YOUR crap out, nobody is gonna want you. Women can smell desperation a mile away.

[pika]

:p Jimbo

Wow. Alot to read but I read it all. I have a little bit of personal experience with your situation. First of all, let me tell you, I will be almost 40 years old this summer, I've been divorced for 12 years. I married my first ever serious boyfriend at 18 - we dated for 3.5 years and getting married was the next step. If I had to do it all over again, I would not have married that young - I would have definetly waited until AFTER I spent some time being independent, AFTER I established my own residence and my own individuality, and AFTER establishing a career, and AFTER I was good and ready to handle the responsibilities of marriage and life and children. I've been out there dating and meeting men for 12 years. In those 12 years, I've had 3, only 3 serious relationships, out of MANY men. And, I am still single today. I'm alone. However, I have my independence. I have a career. I have a teenage son that is my life. I'm still renting but will be buying in the next few years. And guess what? I'm still trying to find myself. At almost 40 years old, I'm not there yet.

Second of all, I dated a guy that was just like you. I mean JUST like you. Except he is almost 30 and is alone. A HUGE part of why I finally broke it off with him, after trying 3 times, was his "oh woe is me" attitude. His whole life is one huge pity party. Totally emo. It is NOT attractive at all. His whole thing was that he was soooooooooo alone and sooooooooo lonely and whyyyyyyyyy didn't any woman want him, and whhhhhhhaaattt is so wrong with him. His whining was endless. But guess what? Even when we were together, he was still like that, only he was complaining and whining about other things. And then of course, the 3 times we broke up, all the emo stuff started all over again. It's not attractive at all.


Ok, this is what I want to say to you:

1. There is nothing wrong with you. Quit thinking that there is.
2. Attitude is everything. Quit being emo. Quit sulking when things don't go right. Get back up, dust yourself off, and get back out there.
3. Your situation/your job is not conducive to a relationship right now. As much as you want a lady, you've got to know that you chose your path in life, and you've got to be happy with being your own person - you've got a very important job to do - and all this emo crap can get you in a crapload of trouble - your brain needs to be focused on your training, being "all that you can be", and becoming THAT MAN that women will flock to, once you get out and get established in the world. No woman in her right mind is going to want to get involved with an army guy that is on leave. At least *I* wouldn't. Booty calls, yeah that would be nice for you, but relationship? Nawww dude, give it up - it just ain't going to happen for ya.
4. As hard as it may be, just concentrate on yourself, your job, and create a few friendships that will get you by. FRIENDSHIPS. That's all you need right now.
5. Those two women that you went out with - they weren't AVAILABLE. What I mean by that is one was having Ex troubles and the other was married. THEY WERE NOT AVAILABLE. You should not have put your heart out there on the line like that. It was like walking into a burning building and expecting to not get burned. Get real!
6. Don't burden your current friends with all your emo stuff. Yes, they are your friends, and hopefully they will be there thru thick and thin, but they will start to tune you out, not really meaning to, but it gets old hearing the same crapola all the time. Trust me, I should know, I did it to my friends every time I had another "failure". Talk it all out on forums like this, thats what they are here for, but don't burden your friends with the same stuff over and over, I'm telling you.
7. Take up a sport. Surely the base has sports that you can get involved in. Something that increases adrenalin and well-being. Something that gets your mind off your troubles. Something that makes you smile and laugh. Something that requires teamwork.
8. MASTURBATE. Get that release. As much as you can.
9. I know how bad it is to want a partner. Trust me I do, but pining like this and being all confused and lonely is only making things worse. Best thing to do is REMOVE yourself and your feelings from the situation, take a step outside the box and look at yourself. Realize who you are, look at yourself and tell yourself that there is nothing wrong with you, and BE HAPPY WITH YOURSELF AND WITH YOUR LIFE.

Lastly, next time you are on leave, go out, have a good time, maybe even get laid, but YOU ARE THE KING. Act like one and you will be treated like one.

What you want to happen will happen, when you least expect it. Sure that's an old cliche', but it's true.

I hope I've helped. But really in truly, the only one that can help you....is YOU. A girlfriend can't even help. Because most times when someone DOES get whatever they are desperate and pining for, they STILL have problems with themselves, and until you work YOUR crap out, nobody is gonna want you. Women can smell desperation a mile away.


Thumbs up skatermom....well said, i was laughing through reading your point 1 to 9.......haha.......think this is really a honest comment from an experience mom! Well done!!!!

Mod can we get this as a sticky??? just joking.......but it did knock some sense into me as well.....

its great to see different ppl joining the forum....

[Tuxie]

:p


Thumbs up skatermom....well said, i was laughing through reading your point 1 to 9.......haha.......think this is really a honest comment from an experience mom! Well done!!!!

Mod can we get this as a sticky??? just joking.......but it did knock some sense into me as well.....

its great to see different ppl joining the forum....
Welcome to skatermom... thanks for joining our little family here! :)

Ummm..... no on the sticky. :rolleyes:

And ya... it is good to see so many here, joining and posting. :D