Im kinda crumbling here

[Cdub24]

okay, id like to say that im glad theres something like this forum.
My gf of 8 months broke up with me, im 22 shes 18. When we got together she told me she wasnt just somegirl in love, she said a lot of things ive never heard before like forever and i want to marry you, we had kids names all that stuff..i mean honestly it just seemed really really secure. The night before she broke with me she called me crying saying she missed me(it was unfortunatly a long distance r.ship-i go to college in florida but we were flying to see eachother often and there was summer break, and stuff) i comforted her..and she was always so sure and strong about being with me and being able to beat the distance,she was even going to after her first year of college move in with me in florida and go to school down here.
Well..she does like to drink but i compltley trust her she was very nice and sweet, and trustworthy..but the next day we got in an argument (two days after she moved into her apartment with 3 other older girls) and she broke up with me. Then she completly ignored all my phone calls and text..she didnt even explain why she was giving up or anything.
Then 5 days later she tells me we cant be together, gets a job at hooters, and just really ignores me. I mean theres lots of little details and stuff..i dont know. I just feel like she said all those things and didnt mean them. i just dont know. its been almost two weeks ive finally got it in my head to just try and forget about.
does anyone really know why should would do this? a lot of people tell me because shes 18 young its college, its long distance..but would could make someone as strong as her that could say all those things just stop..and ignore me? Its wrong to ignore someone and leave them with questions right?
What do i do? and is it love..i guess im sorry its just crazy.

[jasmine38]

Oh....heartbreak...I'm in it right now, and really can feel your pain brother...:disappointed:
I am remembering back to when I was that age and I was so easily influenced by older women...(her new roommates?) I just wanted to be liked so much by them, wanted to be an adult SO bad...and I also loved to drink, because even though I seemed strong, I was very insecure. Alcohol made me Wonder Woman..and I didn't have to face THOSE consequences till my early thirties!
She is probably just confused, hormonal, growing up, and scared to make a solid decision about a relationship in the midst of all that.
The most important thing to do, as far fetched as it may seem right now, is know: Its not about you.
She has a path that is confusing her and is making strange decisions because of that...Hooters? I rest my case.
Another important thing to remember is you're still loveable, just maybe to someone else. She will either come around or she won't, but if she doesn't there will be more opportunities to love and be loved.
I hope you take care of yourself by doing stuff that matters to you, that makes you happy. If you do that, nothing else will matter.

I also hope you will feel better...
Take care!
Jasmine38

[Tony]

welcome to the ATLF Cdub24 :hello:

its sad to hear this my friend I would also agree with Jasmine38 ( Quote ) She is probably just confused, hormonal, growing up, and scared to make a solid decision about a relationship in the midst of all that.

with moving in with new room mates she would see alot of different and new things she may want to be a part of so in a way she has put that life style before you, not right but she may get sick of that soon enough and start thinking of you again.

I would also say that she is immature also.

I had a girlfriend that had said the same things to me many years ago she rang me and said the same thing to me but I made the decision after all the heart ache never to contact her again and I never have.
but after about 4 to 5 months I ran into her again and she walked passed me but came back again and we made some small talk and she had asked me to go back into a relationship with her.

my words to her were Not a Chance... I have never heard from her again.

I did love her so but Jasmine38 is right there will be some one else out there that will want to be loved by you.

just take things slowly my friend we are all here to help you with all the pain and hurt that she has caused you.

[**Sapphire**]

Welcome to ATLF C-dub24, I'm glad that you joined us here! :hello:

I agree with both Jasmine & Tony! I too think that when she moved in with her new roommates, she saw that there was more out there than what she thought. Not that being with you was a bad thing, but she's on her own away from home & she's with older ladies now & she's probably thinking, "hey I wanna do this too". Now that is NO EXCUSE for her to just up & dump you without any kind of explanation, that was very wrong & immature of her.

With her not calling you back to at least be adult enough to tell you WHY, you can't make her. Sure it sucks because your left a little "open" & the wondering what went wrong is a pain in the you know what, but best thing to do here C-dub24 is to move on.

Go on out with friends, get yourself involved in college activities & enjoy yourself. We are all here for you on or off the forum whenever you may need us. :)

[daisychip]

I totally agree with others before me and would only add that maybe she's a bit embarrassed about what she's doing ands isn't able to admit that but at the same time is exploring a new world and feels she just doesn't want to explain herself, hence the abrupt break. no, it's not the right way to do it but thats immaturity for ya. jasmine made a good point about strength and lets hope that she will see one day her true strengths and forgo the non-sense but in the mean time, take care of you and have fun in your world! Sorry it happened like this. Hope you will be better soon.

[aussiecoffee007]

i thikn she is entering into this new world of college and new experiences and she doesnt want to have anything serious with anyone so that she can really experience it alll.. i also think she doesnt have a legit reason to break up with you other than selfish reasons (i mean, she is young, she is entitled to those as well) so she is too ashamed/embarrassed to talk to you about it anymore. i think she did mean those things when she said them to you, at she thought she meant them at the time, but now she is freaking out at this huge commitment and wants to be single.

[stoner]

does anyone really know why should would do this? a lot of people tell me because shes 18 young its college, its long distance..but would could make someone as strong as her that could say all those things just stop..and ignore me? Its wrong to ignore someone and leave them with questions right?


Sorry man about what you're going through ... unfortunately, LOVE makes people do the most foolish things - whether it is for the good reasons or not. Unfortunately, in this case it is not working in your favor.

I was once in a similar situation like yours many years ago. I left for college, with a promise that the career that I chose would provide a good life for both of "us." The very words I told her then, was "how" would I be able to manage and raise a wife and a possible family, when I cannot even manage my own in the here and now. In the process, there was even the possibility where she could apply to the college that I was attending to, and then we could be together.

Unfortunately, that didn't happen. One weekend, she visited a friend attending another college. Initially she was going to visit me, but since I could not make myself available at that time, she chose to go somewhere else. After that weekend, a misunderstanding turned ugly and everything that we worked hard for each other crumbled before me overnight. She was gone ... I lost her ...

Just like you, this was coming from a strong woman who made all those promises of "forever," and marriage and children and the whole nine yards.

But things happen, and over time I just learned to accept it that she wasn't coming back. Eventually, my decision to go to college did paid off, as per the good life that I'm currently living - unfortunately, she would never be around to share it with me. But as one door closed with her, another door opened with somebody else ... and got whole lot more than what I asked for. That somebody happens to be the most loving woman I ever known, and I'm proud to call her my wife. :)

Finally getting it in your head to forget about her - as per your post - is the right thing to do. The road ahead may be a rocky one, but hang in there, you'll see a much brighter light at the end of that tunnel. Good luck.

[Cdub24]

thanks everyone im really grateful for hearing all this, i know its hard to except these kind of things, im glad i cam here and il try to be a active member and help others out as well.
My only concern is if she trys to pick up the peices when im in the hometown in december

[aussiecoffee007]

well in all honesty, she might, but you have to decide if being with her is really you want, at least right now, and if she tries anything just make sure she completley knows what she is doing and tell her you dont want to be led on.

[**Sapphire**]

I agree if she wants to start over when she comes back home, YOU can make the final decision on whether or not you want to start back up again. She left you hanging once, she could very well do it again when she goes back to school.

Something to think about when/if she would like to start over again. Cdub24.

[stoner]

My only concern is if she trys to pick up the peices when im in the hometown in december

Why do I get the feeling that you might ask this question? hmmm :rolleyes:

If that happens, then it's your turn not to return the attention back. If it works, then the ball is in your court. :)

Well, in my experience, it happened with another of my ex-gf (not the one posted about earlier). I just made the attempt (and succeeded) to settle and establish myself in the college town that I moved in. Eventually, it became my adopted hometown, where I became a resident and had very close camaraderie with the neighbors and residents of the community.

It started out as moving out of the dormitory, renting a flat away from campus, and then taking a job at a locally-owned establishment. Working to pay the rent during the day and some weekends, while going to college became a daily routine for me. From my daily social interactions with the local folks that I became a familiar face to them. Afterwards, my visits to my folks back home became rare, as I truly became independent. My parents did missed me every now and then, but they understood my decision and respected my intentions. I still visited home from time to time - but not for the obvious occasions (e.g. Columbus, Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc.) - and that prevented my ex's from knowing when I had arrived home or not.

But there was one incident when she was tipped off about my arrival. She showed up while I was in the middle of cutting the grass with my dad in the backyard. My parents gave us our space, and that's when she expressed her feelings for me that somehow (according to her) never faded. I never said the same back, but I allowed myself to be a close friend through the entire two weeks that I was at home. I never returned her advances, and never looked at her straight in the eye, only when it was necessary. Upon my departure, I managed to be in good terms with her, but she never got what she wanted! :p

I got closure - in a darn good way - and kept it at that. I was glad I never got back with her, considering the dysfunctional lifestyle that she got herself into. The last time I visited my folks at home, all I could do was watch from a distance, and then wave my hand as a friendly gesture.

Good luck to you, and hope things works out in your favor this time.

[Cdub24]

okay..so i failed at being strong..shes the only person in the world..even 2000 miles away..that can..i dunno.
I texted her last night, i was really upset and said i miss her badly, and i left her a voicemail saying how much it hurt nad how i was a good boyfriend..and that im the only person in the world she wont talk to and i felt like a monster. I told her (this is embarrasing) i was hers and id do whatever she wanted me to do.
She texted me this morning, saying she was sorry, and that "i miss ya to" and told me to live life to the fullest, laugh, run on the beach, make friends and stuff. That shed come to me when shes ready to talk.
I responded with' its hard and she made me happier then any passion, and i asked her if shed answer one question for me so i could be in peace.
I asked her if she still loved me.
She said "Yeah.I do"
so here i am. I feel like a wimp to let someone have so much control over me, and im mentally strong and can walk in front of anyone with out a doubt..but her...i dunno what is..

now what..:juggle:

[**Sapphire**]

I don't know cdub, I have to wonder if she isn't messing around with your head. She breaks up with you for no apparent reason & doesn't give you an explanation? THEN, she tells you that she still loves you.

Sorry, but that isn't love, you don't toy with a person's heart/head when you love them, you just LOVE them & cherish them.

I would try very hard to be strong & not contact her cdub, it's only going to hurt & confuse you more if you do & she responds. Let it all cool down & move on with your life.

[daisychip]

Where's the weakness C? You had wht you thought was a pretty good thing and it abruptly ended. Wanting to save that is natural and does not constitute weakness. Although it can be if you continue on and on in telling her you'd do 'anything'. I know it is hard to accept this rejection but she is wishing for you the same that she wants, to experience and have fun, so I hope you can see it's not really about you. I'm sure you feel in your heart this is the end and I'm so sorry you are feeling this loss!! I do have to say though C, you have actually shown strength in conveying your feelings where she has shown weakness in just 'running away' from explaining the reasons for breaking up. You're not as weak as you may feel right now.

[stoner]

okay..so i failed at being strong..shes the only person in the world..even 2000 miles away..that can..i dunno.

so here i am. I feel like a wimp to let someone have so much control over me, and im mentally strong and can walk in front of anyone with out a doubt..but her...i dunno what is..

now what..:juggle:

Remember - LOVE makes people do the most foolish, unheard of, and unthinkable of things. So before you act based on your feelings, better think twice if you're doing the right thing or not. You had received good advices and/or opinions from fellow members of this forum, thus it is not necessary to add anymore. Whether you heed it or not is up to you.

I had two close friends (very close friends) who decided to follow their heart - despite the odds against them - and ended being hurt even more than they were previously. When they came to me and told me their side of the story of how foolish they were, there was nothing else I could do but say, "I'm sorry." Oh yeah, I did not sympathize with them, considering the advices that they chose not to heed.

So be very careful with your choice of actions, and good luck.

[Cdub24]

thank you, all of you. You all have been there for me and i am very very grateful. i will recommend this forum to a lot of people for all the good and bad sides of love, its really worth it.

[Tony]

thank you for your kind words :thumb:
I am so pleased that you have found the ATLF helpful :D
I am proud of the forum and all the staff and members a very caring bunch and that is hard to find on most forums

[**Sapphire**]

Thank you for your nice words to all of us Cdub! I'm looking forward to seeing your friends online here.

Don't be a stranger though, there is plenty to read & post to, ATLF is a love forum with so much more. :)

[daisychip]

thank you C! This is an awesome family of people and will be here whenever you need a shouilder.

[jasmine38]

Hey Cdub....hope you won't take offense at the title of the book I'm going to suggest....
This book helped me make sense of what I bring to the table in relationships, that help them not work....its called "Facing Love Addiction by Pia Melody"
Its excellent, an easy read, and if nothing else will keep you busy while you freak out (like I do:) about whether or not she will be yours......check it out, maybe at the library...not sure if you're a reader, but its an easy read.