I am so stupid!

[memories]

Hi!

I have been dating this guy for about 2 1/2 years, we both loved each other (or so I thought) I know that I loved him a lot and he always told me he loved me. Well Just a week ago we broke up because the relationship became long distance and he didnt want to deal with it anymore. There were other problems too like not making time for me and not putting enough effort into the relationship. We decided to do the no contact thing because I thought it would be easier. Well It's been really hard!

Last night I did a stupid thing and logged onto my IM and he was online (I didnt remove him from my messengers yet) and I couldnt help it but I sent him a message telling him I missed him. I thought at least he would say he missed me too but all I got back was a *hug* ...I felt horrible!! I know I shouldnt have went online or messaged him but it is so hard. He acts like he doesnt even care after almost 3 years together. How can he have no heart? After the *hug* I waited for him to maybe say something else but after 10 minutes he logged out, without saying goodnight/goodbye or anything. I dont know maybe he is mad cause I didnt want to remain his friend (he wanted to remain friends after the break up). I know I was the stupid one to message him I shouldnt have done it.

Also it's kinda funny because he never went online to chat with me unless i asked him to, but now that we are broken up he has been online pretty much every day since. I guess that is another blow to the face. I dont understand guys sometimes??

Sorry for my rambling, I justdont haveanyone to talk to :( I am just going through such a hard time right now and it sucks! I hate having my heart broken. :(

[aussiecoffee007]

well maybe he is very hurt because you didnt want to be friends with him afterward, so he doesnt want to give himself any false hope by responding to your message. also, he probably is just trying to get over you, and is trying to stay focused and do what you wanted and not have any contact. he probably just doesnt want to break that rule because he thinks it will get him over you faster.
maybe he had no reason to stay on longer than you were before, but now he has more time? i dunno about that, but if you are looking for no contact, it shouldnt matter that much.
and dont apologize, its what we are here for! hope you feel better :(

welcome to ATLF by the way! :)

[**Sapphire**]

Welcome to ATLF, I'm glad that you decided to join us & post your need for advice with your helpful, caring community of people. :)

I know it's been hard with the no contact, but if that is something you both agreed on, then try your hardest not to contact him or watch him when he's online hun. It's only going to tempt you into wanting to say HI & then if he doesn't seem that interested in wanting to chat, you will hurt more.

The best thing you can do here is to try to hang out with some friends or family members. Take up a hobby if there is something that you have been wanting to do or even possibly set aside, take it back up.

An occupied mind will help the time go by faster & will also help you to not dwell as much on missing him.

Sure, he has to heal, but you do as well & hanging on & trying to contact him won't help you to heal.

No need to apologize either hun, we are here to help you whenever you need it. :) There is a ton of things to read & post to here, feel free to check it out, that might be something to help you along & occupy your mind as well. :)

[memories]

Thanks for the advice!

I guess the thing that hurts most is him being online every day this week and when we were together he would never get online to chat with me. It's just weird.

Well I guess my next step is to remove him from my messengers..... :(

[stoner]

I guess the thing that hurts most is him being online every day this week and when we were together he would never get online to chat with me. It's just weird.

Well I guess my next step is to remove him from my messengers..... :(

Welcome to the ATLF, and I'm sorry that you have to go through this mess. Long distance relationships are extremely hard to make it work ... I'm living proof of it as almost every single one of my past relationships were destroyed by long distance. While LD may work for some people, it's really not for everyone.

The no contact agreement is actually the best solution to dealing with the aftermath of a break up. Yes, it hurts when the other party suddenly does things he/she used not to do prior to the split; yes, it hurts when finding out that the other party had immediately found someone else; and the list goes on. The best way to deal with it is just to let it go. Not knowing anything about each other - even rumors and gossips of any kind - will help eliminate any form of hurt, remorse, regret, insecurity, bitterness or anything negative about oneself, thus speed up the process of putting yourself on a mend and move on with your life. You have already made a wise move by removing him from your messengers, as per your above-mentioned post.

Letting go and getting over someone is hard - believe me, I feel your pain - as it took me three years to get over the girl who once broke my heart. Despite having a part of me wanting to make the "U Turn" and try to patch things up with her back then, I tenaciously held on to my principles not to have anything to do with her. Fast forward 15 years today, I find myself in the better end of the deal as I am happily married for 9 years [12 years together total] to the most loving woman I had ever known.

Just hang in there ... we all make mistakes; you're not stupid; and it's not your fault. There's no need to make apologies of any kind. Good luck. :)

[aussiecoffee007]

with teh online thing, im not sure why he would do that. maybe he just found he likes it more, maybe he just started cuz he is feeling lonely, etc.

[~Teej~]

You didn't want to be his friend straight after the breakup....I don't blame you...That was a smart thing to do...We all need time to heal after being in a relationship...It is only when we have healed that we should move on and try and rebuild a friendship.

Don't be hard on yourself you have done nothing wrong here.

[Eros]

i'ts your choice..but feel free to love again

[daisychip]

alot of us do things we didn't do before breaking up.....I have tried different things. Sometimes just a way to stop thinking about it or maybe just because we cannot be the same person we once we're. people make differences in our lives and we adjust in even the subtlest of ways.