To married men who cheated

[mashmac]

just wonder if i could hear from married who cheated, told their lover (during a lenghty affair) they loved them and then went back to their families. can you clarify why you had an affair - just for sex? did you have feelings for the other woman? what was going on thru you heads? i am just trying to understand....
many thanks in advance

[oyster]

people go back to their families because of pressure from their spouse, confort, history, financial.

I was the Other Man involved with a Married Woman. She went back to her confortable misery.

[Tuxie]

people go back to their families because of pressure from their spouse, comfort, history, financial.

I was the Other Man involved with a Married Woman. She went back to her comfortable misery.
Oyster... you hit this 'nail on the head' here. I've found that the 'fear of the unknown' plays a major role in whether or not someone hangs around. In my case, I considered the length of the marriage. I was even thinking to myself that 20+ years of marriage was too long of a period to just let go down the drain. One major flaw in my reasoning was that it wasn't my choice to leave... I was asked to leave. Basically, I had no control over this situation.

just wonder if i could hear from married who cheated, told their lover (during a lengthy affair) they loved them and then went back to their families. can you clarify why you had an affair - just for sex? did you have feelings for the other woman? what was going on thru your heads? i am just trying to understand....
many thanks in advance
There's a need... a deep desire... for all of us to just be wanted. For almost two years, I mostly felt rejected. I wasn't necessarily looking for love, but it jumped out and grabbed ahold of me. For the first time in a LONG while, I felt wanted. It didn't matter to her what I'd done in my past, she loved me for who I was right then and there.

My 'goal' for the affair wasn't purely sexual. As I've said in the past... sex is good, but it shouldn't be the MAIN reason for the relationship.

I hope this helps. :)

[mashmac]

:) well put oyster "comfortable misery" is a great way to say it. why are we such cowards? at least I am cause "comfortable misery"is what i am currently living. yaak.
guess it doesn't change the fact that you were probably very hurt. they love you or so they say - then they leave. so confusing.

and to tuxguy - good thing she asked you to go as now you have found love! gives the rest of us hope....

[potatoes]

question for oyster... if she gave up her comfort zone to be with you. Would you be able to provide her security, the love she never had and a better-life?If she did move on with you, how would you be able to guarantee or assure her/him that it is the better choice?...
i mean...would u stay loyal/faithfully loving to her?....
:(

[mashmac]

this was more about why married men don't leave their wives but I guess it's the same for married women. You go back because you know to what you are going to and if you don't you get into something new and that is the scary part.
you do not know what sort of comfort level you will get...you start from scratch. So I guess as you get older - going back to comfortable misery is easier. it's comfortable.

[EC]

I think people cheated because they feel lonely, hurt, doubtful, and for some even for revenge.

Though men seem to be thought of as "all the same" or "sex craved" but for me I think that's not true for all. Something as simple as constant rejections from the women we love for kisses, cuddles, or sex can inflict enormous hurts and doubts.

Doubts our manliness, doubt about our intimacy, doubt about so many things that we can't say because we're expected to be "a man". That suppose to be simple and un-needing when it comes to our needs and emotional needs.

We too want to be appreciated and feel good, just like how you want to be treated like women. Kisses and hugs are good, they give that extra energy for us get through our difficult time and keep us smiling. Intimacy, understanding, support and willingness to work things out from women we love are paramount.