Do I or dont I tell her?

[011055]

firstly hello im new here, im 24, male,
i'll start from the beggining but its a long story, sorry,
ive been friends with girl since i was 17, we met on holiday and turned out we actually lived close together back in uk. so we met up occasionally just as friends when she went karting etc. after a while i felt i wanted us to be more than just friends, but as i'd never had a girlfriend and am shy i didnt know how to tell her. then next time i saw her she had found a boyfriend :( there was then a time where we didnt meet up as often for unknown reasons and she broke up with her boyfriend and found another without me realising. last year she broke up with him and i still feel the same about her, cant stop thinking about her, so do i tell her how i feel after we've been friends for so long or not? i keep thinking if i do and she dosent wanna know, will she still be friends with me? i dont have enough friends to lose one :( if i dont tell her im just gonna go crazy and might regret it if she likes me the same, but i dont think she does as she would've said something by now, i doubt shes as shy as me. i feel pathetic, but i need some advice please

[Tuxgal]

Welcome to the ATLF. A lot of people that come here have that problem. It is a gamble. There's no real way to tell how she's going to react. There does stand a chance you might lose her. But, say nothing and her next boyfriend could become her husband or something and you never got a chance to tell her. Life is about taking chances, weighing the odds. Sometimes you just got to take a gamble and hope for the best. Even if she doesn't feel the same way and your friendship waivers some. There's nothing saying it'll stay messed up. Plus...even if she doesn't feel the same way now...at least she'll know how you feel and maybe she'll come around. Good luck. Let us know what happens.

[011055]

thanks for the reply, ive chickend out of telling her face to face cos i'm useless with words and things like this, so ive written a letter, well an email cos she lives away from home sometimes. so we'll see what happens. maybe an email wasnt the right way to go about it :confused: but ive done something atleast. so now i'm just waiting, nervously.

are there really other people like me at my age who have no clue what to do when it comes to relationships :s:

[pika]

thanks for the reply, ive chickend out of telling her face to face cos i'm useless with words and things like this, so ive written a letter, well an email cos she lives away from home sometimes. so we'll see what happens. maybe an email wasnt the right way to go about it :confused: but ive done something atleast. so now i'm just waiting, nervously.

are there really other people like me at my age who have no clue what to do when it comes to relationships :s:

yes bro...sometimes i realli wish that i can be a part of their brain cells to know wat girls r thinking????

[EC]

Not a woman so I might not think the same way with them, us men are different :)

Since the woman is available, that is she's not in a relationship. I would say its time for you to go for it! Don't miss this chance, fear of rejection you have would suck, but it would suck even more if she moves on and finds her husband-to-be like it was said earlier.

I don't think e-mail is the right way to go, you guys have known each other for like 8 years. This is going to be a big, big thing in my opinion. Don't waste such a precious moment on an e-mail. Talk to her face to face man!

Other than getting the brownie points for being a man about your feeling, you don't know when she's going to check her e-mail and next time you meet her might be awkward wondering if she read it.

Doesn't have to be a setup at the most expensive restaurant in town, unless she's materialistic. Go for it! Maybe when you two doing something together just the two of you, something she enjoys, when she turns to you with that smile and happiness in her eyes, you'll know what to say :)

[011055]

thanks people :) maybe its sort of good the email actually failed to send for some odd reason, i just dont wanna ruin her life by saying something she dosent want to hear. your right about the smile tho, its the best :)

[audreycsmith]

You are now 18, or close to it. Tell the girl how you feel and that you want her. Tell her that you will wait until she realizes that she must give you a chance to be with her. Until then, fit your time in your studies and helping out around the house. Also you need to start studying your SAT's and take the exam. You need to think about higher learning in this day and time to give yourself a great opportunity for a nice career.

Sincerely,

audreycsmith:)

[EC]

He's 24 years old, read very first line of his post. That girl is now a woman :)

are there really other people like me at my age who have no clue what to do when it comes to relationships

Experience doesn't always just come with age, depends on what decisions they have made in the past, how they handled their situations, what things they've learned in their relationships when things went wrong, some people never learned, some taking it too fast and assume that they are doing the right things and know it all.

Don't worry, for some women, you could be the one they want on both sides of the coin. On the other hand, for some women, they won't be pleased no matter what you do.

[Tuxgal]

You are now 18, or close to it. Tell the girl how you feel and that you want her. Tell her that you will wait until she realizes that she must give you a chance to be with her. Until then, fit your time in your studies and helping out around the house. Also you need to start studying your SAT's and take the exam. You need to think about higher learning in this day and time to give yourself a great opportunity for a nice career.

Sincerely,

audreycsmith:)
Fyi, audrey...he's 24 now. He met the girl at 17


Well, I'm sorry your email didn't go through, but you should still talk to her, tell her how you feel. Maybe write a letter just to get it all out. You have nothing to lose.

[011055]

ive spoken to her today, told her how i felt. she said she's flattered but only wants to be friends and she's not yet over breaking up with her ex.
the next stage is gonna feel awkward, seeing her after what ive said (as she wasn't around to speak to face to face and i had to get it over with there and then cos i couldn't handle not knowing anymore). because she is on a gap year from uni she's on a placement working for an F 1 team, so lives close to there which is about a 1 hour drive away from me. when she's at home she's alot closer only 15 mins. so usually if we meet up its at weekends but never every weekend. she has alot of friends and a busy life, so i dont know when i'll see her again. maybe one day she'll feel differently.

thanks for your help, i'm glad i found this place, it helps to be able to talk about it.

[Tuxgal]

I'm sorry. But it's better than never knowing. Things may change with her someday. Your very welcome. It does help to talk abou things. We hope you stick around :)

[EC]

You know, there are plenty more fishes in the sea. You should be proud of yourself for getting it out there in the open the right way. So many people take opportunities, use seduction, showering the other person with expensive gifts.

Many of them don't work out because after all that, it might not seem like good idea anymore. Though she said no, there's still a chance with her. But at the same time, don't put your life on hold for this woman, both of you are single and you never know if you will meet someone special that you won't have to run around chasing and showering with gifts, someone you can be totally natural with, that person will come along, someone that appreciate you for who you are.

Also, please hang around, there are plenty of friends here :)

[011055]

she wont talk to me now :( does anyone have a timemachine?

[Tuxgal]

I'm sorry :( She will again though. Just her some time and space. No matter what at least you said it and it's out there. You don't have to wonder what could be. We're here for you

[011055]

i feel really bad that i seem to have broken our friendship and wish i'd have said nothing, i felt bad before i said anything but now its worse, mainly because i never wanted to hurt her, but also because without her i'll lose other friends which leaves me pretty much on my own. my other friends that dont really know her all live far away, they moved when they went off to uni in london. i work with my dad in a garage and its only me and him, so my oppourtunitys to meet new friends are minimal.

thanks again for your support and help.

[EC]

Sorry to hear that, but you can't turn back time.

You should go out, make friends, make connections, invite friends of a friend to meet another friend or his / her friends. Arrange parties, meet-ups, events, help others, etc.

Good luck.

[aussiecoffee007]

i would most most definitely tell her. if she says no.. your friendship can recover, however if you dont risk it you will never have your ultimate happiness that you can have. if you take a risk, you might end up even happier than you are now, but if you dont, youll never know if you two were meant for something more. you can work out an unrequited friendship

[cold dark]

i feel really bad that i seem to have broken our friendship and wish i'd have said nothing, i felt bad before i said anything but now its worse, mainly because i never wanted to hurt her, but also because without her i'll lose other friends which leaves me pretty much on my own. my other friends that dont really know her all live far away, they moved when they went off to uni in london. i work with my dad in a garage and its only me and him, so my oppourtunitys to meet new friends are minimal.

thanks again for your support and help.

It's possible she just might be a little bit freaked out on account of never having viewed you 'in that way'. Don't push the issue or become stalkerish - give her a bit of space. Most likely she'll soon come to terms with your feelings - as well as remember what a valuable friend you are - and bring up contact again.

The most important thing here is the state of your own feelings. You may not have gotten ultimately what you wanted, but it's still a success: you got your feelings out in the open, and you're no longer plagued by 'what ifs'. Sometimes the 'what ifs' are far worse than the 'I wish I'd nevers'. Now you've got a clean slate from which you can start again.