Does sleeping with someone on the first night ALWAYS ruin things..?

[natalie85]

Ok so I met this guy at a music festival about a month ago, and to be honest we were both pretty drunk and exchanged numbers but never really talked much, or met up again. I actually deleted his number a week or so later, and forgot he existed!

Then 2 weekends ago I was at a club and who should come up to me and say "Oh my god I remember you!" but this guy... Anyway, I was pretty flattered that he remembered my face and approached me etc, and we chatted for a bit, had drinks together with our friends... then....

I stupidly invited him back to stay at my place and we slept together.. I have done this a few times, and although I assume it turns guys off something serious, coz they think you are a moral-less 'easy' skank.. I have actually had 2 serious relationships over the years that have started off as 1 night stands.... Although with this guy, I really wish there was a way to tell if he respects me still or not... Is it always such a bad thing, what I did???

Since that night, he has texted me a couple of time and we've talked on Facebook and talked about meeting up again, and last night we met out clubbing again... and again, I slept with him. This time, we spent the next day together and watched Tv and I tried really hard to show him the real me, and that im not just this dumb get around! lol. I think he likes me, he was being pretty affectionate and calling me beautiful and telling me he thinks ive got a great sense of humour etc, and his friends seemed to like me too...

I guess what im asking is, in most people's opinions- is giving yourself to someone so soon a recipe for disrespect, and never turns into anything more...

What sort of signs can I look for to help me see if he looks down on me or not?? I did tell him that I felt bad for doing it, and that I hope he doesnt disrespect me and he got a little awkward and made a light hearted joke out of it, and changed the subject....

Should I shut up about it and stop trying to 'play innocent', and just deal with the fact I may have messed things up... im just not sure where to go from here.. Coz I really like this guy, and we have so much in common I could see us having alot of fun together....

Thanks guys :-)

[~Teej~]

Maybe next time you meet up I would suggest drinking a little less so you have more control over yourself and just have a good time with him.
Don't sleep with him either...Just have a good time and then go home and let him go home..Then see what happens..Play a little hard to get..So he knows he is not just going to get sex on a plate with you and he is actually going to have to work for it.

Good luck...I am sure some other people will reply soonish

[**Sapphire**]

I agree with Teej. I think the only way you will know if he thinks of you more than just someone to sleep with is when the next time you 2 go out, you don't sleep with him.

Try to get to know him without being intimate, see how he reacts to you not wanting to sleep together, to spend some time getting to know each other. If he only wants sex you will know it, if he is happy with hanging out with out sex, you will know that too.

Good luck!

[eaglebaseball]

I'd talk with him. Being a guy with a set of morals uncommon for a vast majority of men, I don't want a girl that will just jump into bed with me, nor do I want one that will never do that with me. When you two are cuddled on a couch watching tv, just bring it up, and tell him that it was a mistake. Not a mistake to sleep with him, but to do it so soon. If he is of the same opinion, then he's a good guy. If he gets angry, then there's a good chance he is there for the sex.

[Mixed]

just suggest activities that last for a couple of hours and there should be no drinking and should end there, like dn't go back to your place or his,

ex: watch a movie , and you make plans wit your friends for after the movie, that way he wnt have to drop you off at your house and risk sleeping together

get me?

[natalie85]

Yeah, good idea about doing things that dont involve alcohol or having to go back to people's places...

I mean, I would love to go out on a proper date, movie or something but I dont want to do the asking coz I am not even sure yet if he is interested in me (more than just a physical thing) It seems that these days, guys dont ask me out on dates. Probably due to the fact ive already slept with him he might think that he doesnt have to bother wining and dining me, to have to get 'in my pants'- in my opinion, I have ruined things by rushing into the bedroom :-(

If we do see each other again, I will talk to him about what I want, and tell him that although i slept with him regrettfully so soon, i still want to take things slow and do things the right way if we are to see each other....

God, I hate trying to guess what guys are thinking!! I feel like texting him and saying hi and asking what he is up to this week, hoping to catch up for dinner or soemthing, but I am feeling like i have to game play a little bit, and wait for him to contact me... incase I look too keen

So, so sick of doing things in a strategic way, just to make guys think certain things!! lol

[**Sapphire**]

Why not text him & say Hi, see how he's been doing? Have a general chat at first & then see where things go through texting. It's worth a shot & you don't have to right away ask him if he would like to go to dinner. You 2 could just chat text for a bit & if you feel that things are going well, then maybe ask him if he would like to hang out & go to dinner 1 night this week or weekend.

Start out with no pressure just general "catching up" chit chat, test the waters & then see if you can go from there hun.

[natalie85]

I did what you suggested Sapphire, and sent him a 'small talk' text and I just said I hope you're having a good week so far, and I asked him what he is up to this weekend and he said he doesnt know except that he has to catch up with some old friends at some point.

I replied, saying that it would be cool to catch up this weekend and to give me a call if he is free at all... and he didnt reply.. I dont know if that means he doesnt really have any intention of seeing me, at least not this week...

Argh! It is the WORST thing in the world, waiting to hear from a guy. At least he isnt completely ignoring me, but still!! lol

Do you think that it is up to him now, to organise another meet up, now that I have put the idea out there- if he doesnt call me at all then would that be pretty safe to say he just isnt that into me?!

I meet waaaay too many guys who dont want anything at all serious- why am I not girlfriend material!!!! :-(

[**Sapphire**]

Yeah I would leave it up to him to contact you now natalie. You did put the bug in his ear to want to hang out soon, so let him contact you.

Honestly if he doesn't contact you, then yeah I would have to say he very well may not be that interested in you.

Do you think it could be where/how you are meeting guys that is the reason they don't want to be serious?

[~Teej~]

Yeah if you are meeting in a club and around lots of drinks it's more than likely that you are going to find the kind of guys who are only after one thing...it's sadly true.

You have left it to him now to contact you if he wants to go out so be strong and see what he says..If he doesn't respond then move on and look elsewhere...there are plently more guys out there. :)

[natalie85]

What the hell are you talking about??

If I DONT put out, nobody will ever love my STD ridden a**e?!

Was that completely uncalled for or what?!

**** off mate....really

[aussiecoffee007]

natalie, these people were spammers dont take their advice seriously. we deleted most if not all their posts and are working on it :)

dont let them get to you

[**Sapphire**]

Aussie is right Natalie hun. We had some trouble with spammers & generally nasty people last night. Rest assured hun, they are gone & won't be back here.

[anniemov]

How about try to schedule several normal dates with him, no sex though |o|.
Just like what a newly met couple would do. Dinner, movie, picnic,hiking , or any sport.
See how he reacts. If he won't do any, only insist to simple and short stuff, which may leads to .... than that's probably not a good sign.
Meaning get him involved anything but sex.