Girlfriend is spending the weekends with friends?

[sheant]

My girlfriend has been spending the weekends at night with friends in a cty about half hour away. She goes out with them on Friday and Saturday night and gets back the next day around 10am. She never invites me out with them. Her friends like to go out dancing and I don't, so at first, I didn't mind that she'd go out and then stay there. I didn't want her to be driving back drunk at 3am. And she has been friends with them for much longer than I've known her. Now though, I can almost count on her spending every Friday and Saturday night in a different town. Another thing is that she'll usually text me around 11pm to tell me she's headed out, and then I never hear from her again until the next day around 10am.

She's very attractive and everywhere that she goes, she has guys trying to talk to her, especially when she's in a bar/club. I want to give her the benefit of the doubt, but I can't help but to wonder. The only reason that I'm not absolutely certain that she's up to no good is that she has really good morals and she's extremely critical of women who hook up or cheat. I'm trying very hard to not freak out about this. I've known too many people that have been cheated on and I wondered how they didn't see it coming. Am I one of those people? Am I over reacting?

[TreeofSephri]

First, stop and take a deep breath. Then understand that what your are experiencing is imagination induced anxiety. You are simply picturing all these negative scenarios which is causing you to worry. We all fall prey to this ,but we must know how to handle it. Give your girlfriend the benefit of the doubt. If she has not cheated on your before then I say trust her. However, I would sit her down and voice my concerns.

[~Teej~]

I don't believe she is cheating on you but I do believe she is being a little unfair..
She spends every single friday and saturday out with her friends...I know you said you don't like going out dancing...so it is fine she goes without you...But when do you two spend any time together?...surely you should be doing things together on the weekends sometimes as well...I certainly would be.

I don't think she should be seeing her friends EVERY night...I think it's a little unfair or you, If I am honest.

[devilwoman]

I agree with Teej on this one, she does seem to be really unfair on you. Why can't she just go out with her friends alternate weekends and spend the others with you? Seems a little selfish to me. I do think you have a problem though as you obviously have no trust between you or you wouldn't even be worried about if she's cheating on you or not

[**Sapphire**]

WELCOME to ATLF! Glad that you joined us & decided to post your need for advice with our helpful community! :hello:

I have to agree with Teej & devilwoman, I think it's pretty selfish of her to be spending all her weekends with her friends & not you. When your in a relationship the couple has to spend some kind of quality time together. I would have a talk with her first about that.

Then I would also advise you to have a talk with her about how you are feeling in regards to her possibly cheating on you. Let her know how you are feeling, have a calm talk with her about it, see where things go from there.

I can see where you are coming from in your thinking, she's out so much more with her friends & not with you. Sometimes your mind begins to play tricks on you & you get to thinking the thoughts that you are now. That's why I think it's important that you have a talk with her about these feelings before you convince yourself something bad is going on & the next thing you know, your blowing up at her. That won't solve anything.

[aussiecoffee007]

well, its important for her to have time with her friends, but if you feel that your relationship is not quite secure enough... or that it is suffering for it... have you talked to her about this all? i thikn that she can hang out with her friends and if you dont like to dance then it might make her feel awkward and stuff to take you out with them, so maybe she doesnt invite you because she knows it will make you have a bad time and then she will too because she will spend hte night worrying about you.

[~Teej~]

Yeah I get that she doesn't want him there because he doesn't like to dance etc so he would not enjoy himself...so therefore she won't enjoy herself...so going out with her friends is fine and I don't think he minds that.

The thing that is worrying here is that it is EVERY SINGLE WEEKEND...I honestly think that is a bit too much here and that she shouldn't be out dancing every night with her friends.

If this was me...I would worry also..I would think, when is she going to want to start spending time with me?.

I think asking her to go every other weekend...or only on friday nights and spend saturdays with you ( unless their is an occasion ) would be a reasonable thing to ask.

[sheant]

You guys are right. I don't blame her for spending time with her friends and I know that she really enjoys dancing also, so that's ok with me too. I think I was looking for something that wasn't there. Friday night I'd go to bed and imagine all the guys that were hitting on her and all of the things she was out doing and it would really bother me. Posting here really helped because it showed me that more than likely, she's just out having a good time with friends. We talked about it, and she understands. I'm more of a read a book type of guy then go out dancing every weekend, so she's going to make an effort to be a little more understanding and I'm going to make an effort not to blow things out of proportion. Maybe I'll even try to learn how to dance so I can go out every so often. I really appreciate the advice that you guys gave. It was a big help. I posted on Yahoo answers and everyone that answered was like "100% no doubt, she's cheating on you". It was good to get some good advice!

[**Sapphire**]

Your welcome, I'm glad that we could help you. This is a great place to get caring advice.:thumb:

You know you don't have to dance, you could go to the club, listen to the music & enjoy yourself that way. I love to dance, but there have been times I've gone to a club & just people watched, listened to the music & enjoyed my time with my friends that were there. Might be something to think about, you don't have to go every weekend, but maybe once in a while.

[aussiecoffee007]

i thikn its great you talked about it together, i think it shows that its not that she wants to hurt you or not spend time with you she just likes having time with friends and doesnt want to make you come to have a bad time, and therefore she will have a bad time. plus you mentioned you like book-reading--im the same type, and perhaps like me you like people watching? maybe you could go to a club and try that. i mean, you can always find yoru niche in something...
and yeah here at ATLF we are more thoughtful in advice-giving than other forums, in my experiences :)