sf49
11-27-2006, 11:41 PM
Ok me n my ex went out for about 3 years. Our relationship was fine we loved eachother very much. She would always tell me she loved me and that she was never gonna leave and that if i ever let she would do sometin stupid or kill herself u know weird stuff. This kind of creep me out and i told her not to be sayin stuff like that, then she would go and say she will never go out with another guy after me if i ever left her. In the beggining it was all gravy jus like any relationship, I had met her through my cousin at my cousin's sweet 16. After that we didnt talk for about two months until my cousin called me with her on the phone. We talked for a little bit and thats how everything started. I felt a really good connection with this girl sometin i have never felt with no one else, it felt like i knew her my whole life and she said she felt the same.
She was a very conservative, good girl when i met her. She only wore jeans and tshirts, she never wore skirts or heels or anything in that sort when she was wit me. But she told me that before me she would wear stuff like that and it kind of made me mad, it felt like she had time to get pretty for her other b/f's but not me, so i kind of developed a hate for those types of clothing. I know it sounds weird but its true. Everytime i would think about her wearin those clothes for other guys it would make me mad and i would argue wit her and say dumb things. I hated it, Its like i couldnt control my anger and i had to say someting.
I had come from a troubled relationship before and i took it out on her. I hated every second of what i said and did to her, but it was like i had no control over it. My relationship before her was bad, the girl cheated on me and jus acted like she didnt care, she lied and evrything else u could think of that would hurt me. I never did nothin about it because i thought it would change and because i liked her. Then one day she had made a comment about my clothes sayin that she would take me shoppin becuase she didnt like how i dressed and that really made me mad and kinda pushed me over. Now that i come to think about it this is the same situation that went on when my ex broke up with me i had made a comment about her clothes and she broke up with me.
I jus didnt want to get hurt again so i acted mean and was always accusin her of cheatin on me, i would always try to catch her cheatin. I didnt want to be in a long relationship and have her cheat on me and leave me. I didnt want to look stupid like i did in my other relationship, so i made sure that i looked like the b/f that was mean and intimidating so she wouldnt think about cheatin on me. U know i didnt want to look weak and i didnt want to give all my trust and her go cheat on me, like my other g/f's.
U know i didnt care how my other g/f's dressed or who they talked to or where they went because i trusted them, i dont know why because they always cheated and lied to me but for some reason i still had faith in them and would believe them. But with my ex it was a different story. I would never trust her, i never told her what to wear i jus asked if she wouldnt wear stuff because i didnt want guys lookin at her. If she would go somewhere i would accuse her of seein another guy or doin sometin else. I dont know why though, she never gave me a reason to think like that. I knew in my heart because of the person she was that she wouldnt do stuff like that but my head made me say and think different. I really hate myself for puttin her through that.
Another thing i never wanted to go anywhere with her, u know we would sit at her house or my house and jus watch tv. Sometimes we would go to the movies, stores or go out and eat, but it wasnt all the time and it seemed like i would have to get dragged out. This is one problem i didnt know i had, i have some kind of social phobia, when im around a lot of people i get scared and i feel like everyon is starin at me. I never told her i felt like that because i thought she wouldnt believe me like i was makin excuses not to go somewhere. O ya another thing her family time. I got to see her maybe 2 times a week because this was a long distance relationship, she lives about 45 min away from me and i wanted to spend every second of that time with her alone. For some reason i jus wanted her to love me n care about me, because it felt like i had no on else that loved or cared for me like she did. This may sound stupid but anytime she would show love to her family or anyone else i would get jealous, for 2 reasons because i felt like i didnt have that with my family and becasue i only wanted her to show love to me.
I grew up without a father and everyone says o ur fine because ur missin sometin u never had. But thats not true, mentally and physically it sometin that everyone needs. I knew what it was like to have a father, u know i seen other kids playin with their fathers, fathers takin them fishin, to football games, baseball games, u know guy stuff. I never had that and i always wanted it and until this day i get jealous when i see a father and son togethr. My family has a lot of girls in it and they would always go to the stores or go do girly things and i never wanted to go so i would stay home and i think thats how my social phobia started. Also when i was little my mother didnt let me do boy things, she wouldnt let me play any sports or sleep at anybodys house or any boy type of things. I was always with girls and i kind of got accustomed to it. I feel very comfortable around girls but not guys. I hate it!
Her family was really nice to me, but there was a barier betweens us. I only spoke english and they spoke spanish. This made it hard to communicate and made me feel kind of stupid, so i would always try to avoid talkin or going to her family events becasue i didnt want to look stupid. Some people knew english but i didnt want them to go out of their way to speak english to me and nobody else no whats goin on. I really liked her family, but that anger from not knowing spanish would jus take over me and i would jus be an ******* and sit there and look mad. I hated it, i hated it! They thought i didnt like them and made it clear to my ex. I think them pressurin her about me and me makin dumb comments led her to break up wit me, i think she couldnt handle the pressure.
After our break up and even towards the end of it i think she was developing depression. About 2 months before we broke up her cousin had died in a car crash and she was havin problems wit her mom, dad and brothers. She was a very caring and giving person but when u got her mad she turned a 360 and changed into an evil person. She would never express her feelings with me, she would jus say shes sad or mad, but really nothing else. I would always try to see what was wrong and she would never tell me or she would say she doesnt know how to say it. She was a very emotional person though, the littlest thing and she would start crying and this made it difficult for me to know when it was a big problem or little one. So u can say i never knew what i was doing wrong or what anybody else was doing wrong.
I think her dad and brothers are blamin me for her depression, she told me that her dad and brothers are very negative and says bad things about me. Her brothers use to call her names like slut, ho stuff like that, they wouldnt even call her by her first name and her mom would always say why cant u do this, why cant u be like this, and her dad was never home. Her parents dont even like eachother. They dont sleep in the same room and everytime they r together they fight.
To get this whole depression thing opened ill explain. She developed depression after are break up. She went to the doctor and they diagnosed her with clinical depression. I think she also has anxiety, she gets a lot of panic attacks and says that shes scared to talk to me because when she does she gets panic attacks. She wont even talk on the phone wit other people, she sends all her calls to voicemail even at work. Shes scared of the phone. Our relationship was mostly on the phone because we had a long distance relaionship. She says she doesnt want to fight with me and everytime we talk she thinks we r going to start a fight. She also said that she doesnt want to say anything hurtful to me.
I really dont know what happened, right after are break up she would call me right before she went to bed almost everynight and tell me she loves me and that she wants to get over her depression so she could be regular agin. And during the day we would im eacother. But as time went on the calls were less frequent and it seemed like her depressiona and anxiety were gettin worse. She did get pills for both but stopped takin them after she ran out, she said she could do it by herself. She also was going to therapy for her depression but i dont think it was helpin her anxiety.
I have been gettin help for my phobia and the little depression that i have. I really do love her and i have changed. If she wouldve told me earlier that my ways were this bad i wouldve changed but i never knew they could hurt her this bad, she never expressed her feelings. And thats another thing i think she kept all her feelings bottled up and jus exploded one day. She wrote me an email about a month ago sayin its best if we stay friends and im perfectly fine with that, but since then she hasnt talked to me. I really jus think shes not getting help with her depression and anxiety, she really has no friends because they all moved away and her parents think its all in her head so they probaly still treat her like sh**. So im very concered about her because i feel shes not gettin support and that shes all alone, but she wont call me because her anxiety, so i dont know what to do. I dont want to leave her like this. I know this is a sticky situation but whats the best thing to do?
She was a very conservative, good girl when i met her. She only wore jeans and tshirts, she never wore skirts or heels or anything in that sort when she was wit me. But she told me that before me she would wear stuff like that and it kind of made me mad, it felt like she had time to get pretty for her other b/f's but not me, so i kind of developed a hate for those types of clothing. I know it sounds weird but its true. Everytime i would think about her wearin those clothes for other guys it would make me mad and i would argue wit her and say dumb things. I hated it, Its like i couldnt control my anger and i had to say someting.
I had come from a troubled relationship before and i took it out on her. I hated every second of what i said and did to her, but it was like i had no control over it. My relationship before her was bad, the girl cheated on me and jus acted like she didnt care, she lied and evrything else u could think of that would hurt me. I never did nothin about it because i thought it would change and because i liked her. Then one day she had made a comment about my clothes sayin that she would take me shoppin becuase she didnt like how i dressed and that really made me mad and kinda pushed me over. Now that i come to think about it this is the same situation that went on when my ex broke up with me i had made a comment about her clothes and she broke up with me.
I jus didnt want to get hurt again so i acted mean and was always accusin her of cheatin on me, i would always try to catch her cheatin. I didnt want to be in a long relationship and have her cheat on me and leave me. I didnt want to look stupid like i did in my other relationship, so i made sure that i looked like the b/f that was mean and intimidating so she wouldnt think about cheatin on me. U know i didnt want to look weak and i didnt want to give all my trust and her go cheat on me, like my other g/f's.
U know i didnt care how my other g/f's dressed or who they talked to or where they went because i trusted them, i dont know why because they always cheated and lied to me but for some reason i still had faith in them and would believe them. But with my ex it was a different story. I would never trust her, i never told her what to wear i jus asked if she wouldnt wear stuff because i didnt want guys lookin at her. If she would go somewhere i would accuse her of seein another guy or doin sometin else. I dont know why though, she never gave me a reason to think like that. I knew in my heart because of the person she was that she wouldnt do stuff like that but my head made me say and think different. I really hate myself for puttin her through that.
Another thing i never wanted to go anywhere with her, u know we would sit at her house or my house and jus watch tv. Sometimes we would go to the movies, stores or go out and eat, but it wasnt all the time and it seemed like i would have to get dragged out. This is one problem i didnt know i had, i have some kind of social phobia, when im around a lot of people i get scared and i feel like everyon is starin at me. I never told her i felt like that because i thought she wouldnt believe me like i was makin excuses not to go somewhere. O ya another thing her family time. I got to see her maybe 2 times a week because this was a long distance relationship, she lives about 45 min away from me and i wanted to spend every second of that time with her alone. For some reason i jus wanted her to love me n care about me, because it felt like i had no on else that loved or cared for me like she did. This may sound stupid but anytime she would show love to her family or anyone else i would get jealous, for 2 reasons because i felt like i didnt have that with my family and becasue i only wanted her to show love to me.
I grew up without a father and everyone says o ur fine because ur missin sometin u never had. But thats not true, mentally and physically it sometin that everyone needs. I knew what it was like to have a father, u know i seen other kids playin with their fathers, fathers takin them fishin, to football games, baseball games, u know guy stuff. I never had that and i always wanted it and until this day i get jealous when i see a father and son togethr. My family has a lot of girls in it and they would always go to the stores or go do girly things and i never wanted to go so i would stay home and i think thats how my social phobia started. Also when i was little my mother didnt let me do boy things, she wouldnt let me play any sports or sleep at anybodys house or any boy type of things. I was always with girls and i kind of got accustomed to it. I feel very comfortable around girls but not guys. I hate it!
Her family was really nice to me, but there was a barier betweens us. I only spoke english and they spoke spanish. This made it hard to communicate and made me feel kind of stupid, so i would always try to avoid talkin or going to her family events becasue i didnt want to look stupid. Some people knew english but i didnt want them to go out of their way to speak english to me and nobody else no whats goin on. I really liked her family, but that anger from not knowing spanish would jus take over me and i would jus be an ******* and sit there and look mad. I hated it, i hated it! They thought i didnt like them and made it clear to my ex. I think them pressurin her about me and me makin dumb comments led her to break up wit me, i think she couldnt handle the pressure.
After our break up and even towards the end of it i think she was developing depression. About 2 months before we broke up her cousin had died in a car crash and she was havin problems wit her mom, dad and brothers. She was a very caring and giving person but when u got her mad she turned a 360 and changed into an evil person. She would never express her feelings with me, she would jus say shes sad or mad, but really nothing else. I would always try to see what was wrong and she would never tell me or she would say she doesnt know how to say it. She was a very emotional person though, the littlest thing and she would start crying and this made it difficult for me to know when it was a big problem or little one. So u can say i never knew what i was doing wrong or what anybody else was doing wrong.
I think her dad and brothers are blamin me for her depression, she told me that her dad and brothers are very negative and says bad things about me. Her brothers use to call her names like slut, ho stuff like that, they wouldnt even call her by her first name and her mom would always say why cant u do this, why cant u be like this, and her dad was never home. Her parents dont even like eachother. They dont sleep in the same room and everytime they r together they fight.
To get this whole depression thing opened ill explain. She developed depression after are break up. She went to the doctor and they diagnosed her with clinical depression. I think she also has anxiety, she gets a lot of panic attacks and says that shes scared to talk to me because when she does she gets panic attacks. She wont even talk on the phone wit other people, she sends all her calls to voicemail even at work. Shes scared of the phone. Our relationship was mostly on the phone because we had a long distance relaionship. She says she doesnt want to fight with me and everytime we talk she thinks we r going to start a fight. She also said that she doesnt want to say anything hurtful to me.
I really dont know what happened, right after are break up she would call me right before she went to bed almost everynight and tell me she loves me and that she wants to get over her depression so she could be regular agin. And during the day we would im eacother. But as time went on the calls were less frequent and it seemed like her depressiona and anxiety were gettin worse. She did get pills for both but stopped takin them after she ran out, she said she could do it by herself. She also was going to therapy for her depression but i dont think it was helpin her anxiety.
I have been gettin help for my phobia and the little depression that i have. I really do love her and i have changed. If she wouldve told me earlier that my ways were this bad i wouldve changed but i never knew they could hurt her this bad, she never expressed her feelings. And thats another thing i think she kept all her feelings bottled up and jus exploded one day. She wrote me an email about a month ago sayin its best if we stay friends and im perfectly fine with that, but since then she hasnt talked to me. I really jus think shes not getting help with her depression and anxiety, she really has no friends because they all moved away and her parents think its all in her head so they probaly still treat her like sh**. So im very concered about her because i feel shes not gettin support and that shes all alone, but she wont call me because her anxiety, so i dont know what to do. I dont want to leave her like this. I know this is a sticky situation but whats the best thing to do?