kinda confused

[dscrd]

prob know answer, but here goes, i work at restaurant, have an attraction to a waitress, she had a boyfriend, we would drink after work, had lotsa fun, real connection, then she quit after a couple months i heard she broke up with bf, i called to see how she was doing, now she comes in about once or twice a week to drink after work w. me and the other staff is her friends, sometimes its just us, we also text each other a few times a week, and she comes and talks and says i can always call and talk to her about anything, then one night she starts asking is there anything else i want to say to her, so i just told her one night i liked her and she said she didnt want a realtionship right now, so i back off, and i do the no contact thing, and she usually doesnt go more than two or three days when she will either call, text me or come in for a drink. i really like her but it is more complicated, first she wants to move out of state where to go to school next fall where her highschool xbf lives who she told me she loves him but isnt IN-Love with and is afraid that she will just have to "settle" for him, also she and i like to drink , hang out and have a good time, and the bf out of state doesnt drink much at all, when ever we are together we both laff and have so much fun, and ifeel like if she moves, away form her family and friend it would be a mistake, but not my place to say. also her mom told her its not a good idea for her to move ther cause she knows she really doesnt love the her friend from high school. the worse thing for me is im 10 yrs older whic i know happens, but it seems to be possibly holding us both back, maybe not though,anyways i know i should move on, be she means alot to me, i think the hardest thing is though, when i try to move on, and i dont initiate contact with her for a few days, she is the one to call or text and sometimes asks if anything is wrong since she hasnt heard from me in a few days.

[lilcupid]

Hi dscrd :) Welcome to the ATLF Forum!
I know it's really hard when you like someone that much, but if she has already said she doesn't want a relationship it's better that you respect her wishes and don't push. Chances are that quite possibly she isn't ready for another one anyway. Just concentrate on the friendship you have with her. Maybe one day down the track she may change her mind but it is better if you do move on. Hoping someones feelings will change can be a very painful and self destroying experience. I am sure there are many girls out there that would be interested if you gave them a chance :D

[**Sapphire**]

Welcome to ATLF! Glad that you joined us! :)

I would have to agree with lilcupid on this one. I think it's best that you don't push her on wanting a relationship. It may be best if you can do it, to possibly be her friend. It sounds like she needs 1 as she seems a bit confused on what she wants to do with her life. If you feel that you can be her friend, then go for it. If not, then it may be best to have no contact with her.

Good luck.

[dscrd]

thanks i agree sapphire, i will try to be just her friend as she has always been there for me, and i have not at all tried pushing her for a relationship, i only mentioned to her the one time, and i wasnt even going to tell her, but she kept asking if there was something i wanted to tell her one night when we had been drinkn, this was about a couple months ago, and i never brought up again, i guess the hardest thing is to be there for her ,cause she still comes by and calls a few times a week, & knowing my feelings are the deep for her, i sometimes think it may be best for her to move out of state, for me so i can move on, cause ther is no way i could ever tell her i dont want to have any more contact with her, i think it would hurt us both too much, i can deal with just bein her friend for a few months, she is like my best friend anyways,
thanks again

[Myzyri]

I hate to be the harbinger of death here, but try this. Stop drinking and see if you still like her. A lot of lousy relationships are based on alcoholism and I can only guess that this might be the case since you stressed how much you both like to drink.

As for her moving out of state, if it's to get an education, then put your selfish desires away and let her get a degree. If you really like her, you'll want her to be happy. And, if she's in school, there's a good chance that she'll meet someone she likes and won't end up having to "settle" for her ex.