advice needed :(

[lilcupid]

Ok, here is the problem..it's a long story so i hope u can bear with me.
When I first started working at the age of 19 my Mum asked me to pay $70 a week board. I was fine with that but kind of resented the fact that my little brother wasn't going to school and wasn't working so basically "free loading" as we Aussie call it as well as my older brother.
As time went on she put it up to $80. Yet again I resented the fact that my little bro wasn't pay 1 cent...I moved out of home for awhile and ended up coming back so i could afford to go back to school as well as save a friendship that was going to fall apart (my best friend and I can't live together at all lol). That was 2 years ago. My board again went up to $100 (australian dollars) a week. This covered bills. Not food and the phone.
I was meant to move out this month with a friend of mine but found out last night she has changed her mind which she has a right to do.(rent would have been $50 a week and roughly $40 for bills) Today I find out Mum wants $120 a week. As i previously mentioned this covers water, electricity and gas. I know there is no way I would cost that much extra a week. My bills while out of home were lucky to be $40 a week.
I am currently saving my butt off so i can continue my schooling and am spending on average $200 a week as it is living at home with all board as well as buying my own food etc.
When i debated the price rise Mum basically commented that living out of home I would be paying rent as well. Is it wrong of me to think that I should not be expected to contribute to the mortgage???
Mum even commented on the fact that I have savings in the bank. Umm, hello!! Thats for my schooling!!!
I always thought families are meant to try and help you as much as possible but when my family needs extra $$$ they turn to me for it. My older brother gets a pension and pays nothing (yes, I understand he is not well) which also angers me. I want to better my future and am doing all I can to do this but financially I feel that my Mum expects me to cover the short fall all the time, and never my brothers.
I guess I am angry because all of my life I have had to financially support myself by buying my own car (both my brothers were given theirs) paying for my education (both my brothers were financially helped here as well) have payed board since I was 19 while my little brother was paying nothing until 2 years ago when he started paying $30 a week, and now is paying $100 a week. I have never asked for a silver spoon.
I payed for my 21st party and most of the cost of the camera (which I was told I would be reimbursed but never was and never asked for it)
When my older brother gave my Mum $4000 she commented on how sweet my older brother is for doing that. Is it wrong for me to feel angry at her due to the fact that as mentioned he pays nothing and I have always paid my own way?? I honestly feel hurt, angry, used and taken for granted.

Does anyone think I am over reacting?? Please be honest...I won't bite! lol

[**Sapphire**]

No I don't think you are a over reacting at all lilcupid hun. There comes a time when you do all you can for your family & they take you for granted & you have had it with them all. I think you got to that point now with feeling resentful towards your brothers not paying for so long.

I had a similar experience when I was living at home. I didn't pay for room & board, but the money I paid out when they went shopping, things done for the house like I paid to have their house painted. Really anything that they wanted or needed done I helped them out money wise to get it done for them. My stepbrother didn't pay anything or really even lift a finger to help them with much of anything at all. He helped his girlfriend's family constantly, but forgot about his own. I found out that they were going to start charging my stepbrother & I rent to live there, so from there I decided to move out. By the time they made the decision to start charging rent I had it with them always taking advantage of me & my kindness to them. So, I moved out & let them fend for themselves, I was tagged the "black sheep" because of moving out, but I'm much better off because of moving away.

I think since you are wanting to continue your education (which is a great thing) & can't afford to move away on your own. Continue paying your rent to your mum, sure it will be hard because of your brother not paying. You know what though, you are still doing a good by your family. When you can & the time is right you can probably move out on your own.

[Tony]

mate this is a tough one to answer
it sort of sound like it to me your mum keeps putting your board up ( I hope I am wrong with this one... I will put the board up if she does not like it she can leave )
I don't think it is fair your brothers do not pay board
again one rule for you and a totally different rule for them ( not fair at all ) the rules should be the same.

I also think what ever you have in the bank is your money and your mum should not bring that up again your not her keeper.

you are doing a pretty good job paying that amount of board.

I honestly think your mum is being a little to hard on you regarding that.
I guess if you were to talk to your mother about that she would most likely say to you if your not happy move out..

I think the fact your board went up today because of what she found out was a bit rude

but thats my opinion..

[lilcupid]

Thanks for answering guys, I appreciate it :) I have also spoken to a few friends from work who know me quite well and know everything that has happened in the past and they also agree it's totally wrong.
I am hoping tonight to speak to one of my best friends about this and see if I can move in with her and her hubby. I don't like to ask but things are getting to a point where I honestly feel like cutting all ties with my Mum. It's a shame that my mate who I was going in with didn't tell me 2 weeks ago. Another friend of mine was looking for a house mate but now has someone living with him. It's always the way lol
And your right Tony. In the past Mum and I have spoken about all of this and she said exactly that. I have pointed out the unfairness in how I have been treated compared to my brothers and she feels she has done no wrong.
Quite a few years ago a friend of the family actually said to me she notices how differently I am treated to my brothers. It's amazing how someone who doesn't live with us can even see it. And sad at the same time. But I guess as the saying goes "what doesn't break you makes you stronger"

[Tony]

I hope that you can work something out lilcupid :)

the sad part is I know I was right about your mum I used to work with troubled young people. :(
one gets to know alot about family's when working with them. :)

the sad part is your mum is using you.
talking to her wont help you at all. :(
your mother is getting easy money... :surprised:
they only option is to find your own place you need to have peace of mind for starters :thumb:

lets hope with the talk to one of your friends you can be able to work things out. :)

[**Sapphire**]

As I have thought about this more & read Tony's responses I do agree with him totally on that your mom is using you lilcupid. As I read your first post I saw the red flags, but I was hoping that wasn't the case. I knew it because my situation when I was at home was so similar to yours, but again I was hoping for a different thought to tell you on this 1, but I guess not.

I agree, your mom does want the free money, because you are a good daughter to her & your giving. That was the exact same situation I was in before.

Honestly, I also agree that it's best to see what you can do about moving in with your other friends for awhile because the longer you stay at home & have to deal with your mom using you the more angry you are going to get. The resentment could get to a point where you argue with her, leave & never speak again. That is the situation that came about with myself & my father & step-mother. I haven't spoken to them since I have moved away from home, only a few times & that was when I had to at a family funeral, other than that, I don't feel the need to talk to them anymore as I realized what they did to me when I was living at home.

It's so sad to realize that family will use you because you are a kind, caring, giving person. You can almost expect that from friends, but family does hurt.

[lilcupid]

I think I have gone way beyond feeling hurt. I just feel angry that my Mum and my Dad for that matter, feel it is ok to ask for so much money. I had a heated argument with Mum just before and yet again she spoke about what i spend my money on. I wanted to point out everything she wastes her money on but I could not be bothered stooping to that level.
The funny thing is she mentioned a massive phone bill which I know I would not have contributed much to. I use my own mobile to make calls. Facts are she has been making a lot of calls lately which I noticed but seems to have forgotten and felt the need to try and point the finger at me. I sometimes think she forgets lol I am pretty intelligent and observant. Everything she spoke about I had an answer for.
I discussed moving in to my best friend and her hubby and both are super keen. It will mean their rent will decrease and bills, (they are saving for their own house as well as a month long holiday overseas) Hopefully will move there ASAP (once their spare room is cleared out which I will do all of lmao if I have to!!!!!)
Chances of me having much to do with my family once I move out are slim. I have reach the point where I do feel, like you would have Sapphire, that life would be much easier without my Mum especially in it

[Tony]

lilcupid arguing will not help at all with your mum ( sadly )
for her to point out to you what ever you do spend your money on is your business not hers.

I am glad that you did not stoop to her level there mate.

with the phone bill I would have said ( ok let me see the itemized bill I would have gone through each one of the phone numbers and said NOT MINE. )

I honestly think you will be better off away from that sort of situation
you are being used as easy money.
your life at the moment is not your own.

parents are there to help and support there kids not use them.
another thing I would not say one word about moving out to your parents when you have that all finalized just pack you stuff and i would say today is when the bank roll ends.

good by.

[**Sapphire**]

Tony is exactly on the money when he said to tell them as you are moving out lilcupid. I did the close to the exact same thing when I was moving. I got the apartment & waited until I had a week to move in before I told them I was moving. The day their gravy train ended, my stepmother was MAD, why because she was actually going to have to pay for things she needed/wanted now that I was going to be GONE!

Lilicupid, your situation is so much like mine was & my heart goes out to you because I know the hurt/pain & anger that you are feeling. I've been there & it wasn't nice, sometimes still hurts & the anger comes up too.

Best of luck to you on your move & I hope that things work out very well when you do move. :)