why do i feel so down in life at the moment?

[lostinross]

hi guys, im a 27 guy and im a point where i really should moving on in my life but i feel over the last year my life has stalled and that everything has become stale and life is the same day after day..im tied down to my job as its a family business and ive a lot of responcibility in it. but id love to be able to do my own thing


i dont feel suicidal or anything like that but i just cant see the joy in life anymore. i went thru a pretty traumatic breakup last year, basically i met a girl in dec of 2006 and travelled thru the states with her in feb and feel head over heels for her but i had some legal probs in april/may that made me distant and i said some thing i shouldnt have to her. anyway we broke up and i spent the next 3 months trying to win her back to no avail..
now i did take the whole thing very bad but in the end i guess ive learned to accept that she didnt love me , althou ive found the concept that you can do all that travelling intimately with a person and basically live with them and then drop them without a second chance a bitter pill to swallow

i tried all the usual things that people say to do, i burned everything i had that reminded me of her. i joined the local kickboxing club to eat up my spare time, i even dated another girl from september to dec.
but i still feel very empty inside, that im going nowhere in my life and that everyday is exactly the same. to be honest im feeling really tired of being like this and i really want to feel some happiness and drive in my life again but its just not happening..

can anybody please give me some idea how to break out of this funk? its gone on far to long now

[aussiecoffee007]

well... try to get involved in some new things, like signing up for some weird community class or volunteering somewhere... that way you can try something new and help other people at the same time!
i thikn you just need some you time, to do and pursue the things you like... this girl seems to have put you into a funk, maybe take some time off for yourself just to relax and think.

why do you feel everything is the same? what exactly is the same?

what makes you happy?

[Tony]

welcome to the ATLF :hello:
I am sorry to hear about what is going on with you right now :(
Aussie has made some good points there for you to think about and answer if you wish to share with us.

even though you went through some Legal stuff that makes me question just how much she did really love you... you were under alot of pressure at the time.
but with having said some nasty things to her may have be the end of it all.
you tried to win her back without any luck so hopefully now we can help you cat back to enjoying yourself again..

[lostinross]

i guess she represented my escape, i loved the way she looked and most of all her independant attitude. the trip we went on was a dream trip for me and has kind of taken on iconic status in my mind. however when we came back she started to act like a different person and we drifted apart. i guess i pine a lot for the girl i knew for the first 3 months. she really was the girl of my dreams in that short space and i guess even though ive layed the relationship to rest now i still miss her even though i know shes gone. the frustrating thing is i know il meet someone else and be happy but the lost oppertunity haunts me everyday.

ive lost all interest in the things that used to make me happy, i used to play a lot of guitar and record in my home studio, but ive barely touched my instruments in the last year. ive truely lost my musically mojo. i just dont see a point to it anymore.
i think much of it is frustration with the way my life is turning out and its all because i have to run so many things for the family business but i cant get the time to start my own thing..reading back on all this i dont think theres an answer, im just trapped by family and the feelings i cant shake in my head

[Tony]

one quick question for you my friend
what is more important to you right at this moment you or your family business
I would suggest talking to them and say you need time to step back for some quality time for yourself.
I am sure they will understand

take a break from that to find yourself again

[lostinross]

welcome to the ATLF :hello:
I am sorry to hear about what is going on with you right now :(
Aussie has made some good points there for you to think about and answer if you wish to share with us.

even though you went through some Legal stuff that makes me question just how much she did really love you... you were under alot of pressure at the time.
but with having said some nasty things to her may have be the end of it all.
you tried to win her back without any luck so hopefully now we can help you cat back to enjoying yourself again..


hi tony, thanks for the comment
well because of the legal thing i got a bit distant and needed a little time to myself as i had a panic attack. i had been engaged before i met her and i guess she thought i wanted to get back with my ex at the time. i basically told her i needed some time to myself and perhaps we should take a break.
stupid things that i regret now, and i know i hurt her by saying them. but i made a mistake. i guess my life begining to collapse is the price im going to pay for all of this

[lostinross]

if im honest, the most important thing in my life is to be happy and in love like i was again. i know you shouldnt depend on other people to bring happiness to your life but i truley felt completed back then. i guess your right, i probably need to away from all the pressure for a while and take a break from dating. i dont know why i feel so old at 27..lol

[Tony]

I guess we all have regrets somewhere..the thing is to try not to put yourself down

hindsight is a wonderful thing but we are not that good to see the future.

you have done your best at the time and tried, I guess it was all just a little to much for her.

your life will only collapse if you let things get to you like that.

sorry that is the Social Worker in me talking..

[lostinross]

thanks tony, just a little down. i appreciate your advice.
john

[aussiecoffee007]

sometimes the super independent types, the free-flying ones like the girl you mention arent cut out for long-term or intimate relationships... maybe she just freaked out and wasnt there for you...
maybe if you try some new things, you will meet some new people that are differnet from your norm, from what you are all used to, you know?

just dont let yourself get down, like your life is collapsing... i kinda agree with social networkign tony :) i thikn re-connecting with people can definitely help you.

[lilcupid]

John, is there no way you can take some of the load off of your shoulders so you do have some free time to do what you want? It sounds to me like you are feeling this because you have no happiness in your work anymore and are not in a relationship that can bring happiness. It's totally normal to feel like this. I have been there myself before. I felt like I made a major mistake with a guy I cared deeply for and couldn't take it back, hated my job and felt like I was doing the same thing day in and day out.
After seeking some professional help she basically said to me what I just said to you. Sounds like you need to really figure out who YOU are again and maybe start doing the things you have always wanted to do. Maybe even a course??

[**Sapphire**]

I wanted to WELCOME you John to ATLF! :hello: Glad that you joined us & decided to post your need for advice with your caring group of people we have here. :)

You have recieved some great advice already, there really isn't much more that I can add to what has already been said to you.

I do agree with Tony in that maybe have a talk with your family & see if you can have some of the pressures from working with the business lessened so that you can give yourself a break. Maybe go on a vacation either by yourself or with a good friend or family member. Somewhere you have never been & just relax, enjoy the scenery & where you are, you don't have to think, just "feel" & enjoy!

[devilwoman]

I have to agree with whats been said so far. Seems to me that you really need to take some time away from the family business and just spend some time on yourself. Sometimes we can get so bogged down with work that it just takes over our lives and that in itself makes things seem mundane and like we're just going through the motions day in day out.

Getting over a breakup is never easy and its always easy to remember how good a relationship was when its over. I wish you luck for the future and hope that things look better for you soon