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View Full Version : Is it false hope or is there something there?


Avluve
01-07-2008, 01:08 PM
Best lame title ever..

Anyways so we'll call this guy John.

John and I met on a forum. John and i IRC'd for a while, then took to talking on the phone. John has a girlfriend. John used to be a player until said girlfriend. John's a reasonably logical thinker, and when I say this I mean that in a discussion we had, he had actually admitted that his love wasn't his soul mate (in a discussion about soul mates obviously) and how you had to work at relationships to keep them going etc..

My problem is this. We talk on the phone, for hours... last night it was 4 hours, the night before it was 4 hours, once it was 6 hours. (this has been going on for months now) We talk about everything. He's confided in me about things I'm sure (can't say I KNOW because he could be lying? I try to be logical about the fact that I've never met him) so I'm sure he's never told her, and I've told him things I've never told anybody. We have talked everything from politics to sex. I find that I have developed stronger feelings for him. He's coming to visit me in a week, and he's staying for 2 weeks. We're going to a concert (that he's decided to pay for) and apparently we're going to be drunk, a lot.

Do guys spend 6 hours on the phone talking to girls they aren't attracted to? When he comes out here, should I make a move? Honestly I've developed such a good friendship with him and the fact that he is in a relationship, I don't want to ruin this if there's nothing on his end. I can't say that I'm in love, I've never met him, but I could fall hard.

Now here's the thing. He hasn't directly flirted with me at all on the phone, nor I him. At least, not that I know of. However he's very sarcastic (this would be one of those traits that are perfect for me), one of our things is making fun of each other and I guess in a childish way that could be considered flirting? I dunno, it's odd. I've never been this close to a guy I wasn't dating.

anniemov
01-07-2008, 02:37 PM
I think it would be better stay the way you two are now, very "good friends", until he shows you he has interest in upgrading your relationship. I really think to have such a close friend is valuable regardless whether you guys are attractive to each other or not. Spend the time with him during those two weeks as if you are just good friends, and see what's coming in the future. Maybe after this two weeks, he will find out that you are his dreamgirl.
He must have thought your were an great person in order to have a such long conversation, but that doesn't mean he wanted to move on to you. Keep in touch, if you finally decide he is your ideal man, then at point, I am sure you won't be asking question, you will be on your move already.

That is just my thought, hope you two will have a great time!

**Sapphire**
01-07-2008, 03:45 PM
I agree with anniemov. He has a girlfriend & you 2 haven't met yet in person, so I would view your meeting & vacation as just that. Your meeting your friend you met online & you 2 are going to have a nice vacation time together as well as get to know each other on a whole other level.

You can be compatible over the phone & computer, but when you meet it's a whole other type of meeting. It's sort of like you are talking to them for the first time all over again, but this time face to face.

If you 2 work out well & are both wanting to take your friendship to the next level, then he needs to say good bye to his girlfriend & also talk to you about it. That way you 2 can get your feelings (if they do run deeper upon your meeting) out in the open & see where things can go from there.

Another thing to think about, say you 2 want to be in a relationship. Are you both close location wise to each other? If you are then great. If you aren't, could you handle a long distance relationship? If you don't think it would be easy being in a romantic relationship & being far apart, there is something else to think about & also to treasure the friendship you have with him now.

It's 1 thing to miss a friend that is far away from you, but it's a whole other story to miss a person you love that is far away from you & you 2 can't be together for a while.

Best of luck to you though when he comes out to visit you. Have a good time & keep us updated too. :)

blondie86
01-07-2008, 05:05 PM
It sounds to me like he would want something to happen, if he's saying things like you're going to be drunk a lot. Maybe i'm wrong but i think u wouldn't have to make a move, it sounds like he wants something to happen.

Avluve
01-07-2008, 09:09 PM
I've read your responses and I have been thinking long and hard, and I think what all of you say rings true. Taking the time to let it build and not rushing into anything seems the more logical approach when thinking about it. As for the LD thing, that's not a big deal, I'm free to go wherever I choose. And I think yeah maybe he might want something to happen, but if I wait, (even if it's torture haha) it's all the more special, right?

**Sapphire**
01-08-2008, 01:13 PM
Yeah I agree Avluve hun. Just enjoy your time with him & see how things go when he comes out to visit you. It's hard to plan a first time meeting of an online friend or love, because you never know what's going to really happen until you see them for the first time.