I told her how I felt...now what?

[MizzouFan1985]

Long story short - I have been close friends with a girl for about six months. I grew to develop boyfriend-girlfriend feelings toward her, and finally got the courage to tell her how I felt. She just recently got out of a long-term relationship with a boyfriend (with him about a year) and has not been without a boyfriend for a significant period of time for a long time. Anyway, she said it was not the right time, and that she was not interested in getting into a relationship with anybody now. Essentially, she wants to be on her own for a while and learn what she wants to do with her life (we are both in our early 20s). She said she would not shut the door on something happening down the road however, and she did not seem uncomfortable talking about the situation (like uninterested girls might).

After looking at these message boards, I am a little disheartened. It seems like everyone here thinks that this type of response means that she is just feeding me a line, that I am and always will be a friend, that she will never be interested, that I need to get away from her, etc.

What are people's opinions on this? Do you think it is possible that she is really just telling me the truth?

Also, what are your recommendations on how best to handle the situation going forward?

I can answer questions if you need more details.

[Jody]

No i don't think she is feeding you a line..... she needs to morn the loss of the last relationship regardless weather it was good or bad. and for women that takes time, could take 6mo or more. she probably does not know what she wants right now and needs time to be herself ( i speak with experience)

just be there for her without smothering her. really truley be her friend, be sincere and understanding you will earn big brownie points and when she is ready you might just be the one.

[psfrn47]

I agree with what Jody said 100%. Just be there and be a good friend. She needs her space right now!!

[MizzouFan1985]

One thing I neglected to mention is that we are also coworkers. I am now noticing a problem. It seems like she is avoiding me, except for strictly professional situations. Obviously, she was not uncomfortable when I told her, but she is now. Is this to be expected?

[Tuxgal]

Maybe she didn't think about the ramification of getting involved with a co-worker. It can make things awkward. If you do get involved and it doesn't work out, it can make things difficult at work. Just give her some time for right now. She may not be ready to deal with what you feel right now and is handling it by keeping things professional. Just be patient give her some time and space and hopefully she'll come around. Good luck. :)

[jay]

hey there, i read this, and what i think is that she needs time to just be alone for right now, to gain herself back. because as a girl, i think that when a girl gets out of a relationship they always need to rethink what went wrong and how they can improve the next, without the same mistake repeating itself. i mean even after you get out of a relationship that turned bad, everyone needs time to just chill out and let their emotions revive again, because you kind of feel dead after it happens. but everyone wants to be loved, and they want someone to love. in this case, i think she's being honest. i think (coming from a spectator) that she may indeed like you, but she's tired of putting her heart on the line right now, and wants to regain energy thus far. so keep being her friend, who helps her out, and down the road she'll be ready.

[MizzouFan1985]

Jay,

Thanks for your comments. I am trying to step back and not push (not ask her to do anything, not ask about her personal life) and let her talk to me as she feels comfortable. I realize that I probably put a bit of a monkey wrench in her plans to be alone for a while and regroup emotionally, so to speak. We'll see what happens...

[MizzouFan1985]

Now I am getting really confused...she has rebounded and started to get close again, and she gave me a Christmas present yesterday at work (while I didn't get her anything, because I didn't expect anything). On the flip side, she still doesn't seem comfortable with the idea of doing things together outside of work. She continues to say that she does not want to be in a relationship with anyone, and she says she has not dated...any comments?For what it's worth, one of my guy friends told me he thought she was putting up a boundary because if we did things together during non-work time, it could lead somewhere she is not ready to go yet.

[FMT]

Hey I'm in a similar situation with one difference, the woman and I do hang outside. But when I read your situation I did find many similarities.

The best advice I can give you from personal experience, is to give her her own room. Just gradually get closer with her, show her you care (get her a gift dummy lol!), have gradual talks with her. Show her that sure you're intrested in her but you respect her wishes. She will appreciate it. If you truely have genuine feelings for her you should give her some time (months if need be, hopefully not years lol).

I hope that helps ya!

[pika]

after seeing all these reply......I somehow felt glad i didnt told mine to the girl i like..which happen to be my colleague as well.....give her some room and give her my support......

something i know abt girls is that no matter how much they tell u they r feeling very open to relationships etc......but when u break the news of ur love for them...out of 10...8 cant accept it....and they wouldn tell you why. Which makes u puzzle abt wat is in their minds....and u will nvr be able to break it......

but said easier than done......we guys are then keep in mystery n suspense.....cant sleep..cant work....cant enjoy......

but how do we know girls don't??? :p

[EC]

pika, I guess we'll have to leave that to the girls here to answer :rolleyes: