Help Please!

[jessy]

I have been in a relationship for three years and a year ago a co-manager/friend asked me to train her new employee (an old friend of hers). When he walked in on the first day my heart stopped and I felt something I have never felt before. I have spoken to him about it and he does not want to be anything more than friends but we are completely inseparable and I’m not the only one making the calls or asking to hang out. After six months I felt guilty because I knew I was having an emotional affair so I told my b/f that I wanted to end it. My thoughts were that although my friend does not want more from our relationship if I’m still feeling this way then I must be unhappy with my b/f. My b/f refused to let me end the relationship telling me that my feelings will pass but it has been six months and I still feel the same way about my friend. I no longer have any physical contact with my b/f, I hardly ever call him and when he calls me I don’t pick up the phone, he shows up at my job and apartment unannounced and I’m not sure how to handle it. I don’t want to be enemies but he is making things extremely difficult for me. Please don’t criticize I can’t help the way I feel and the relationship was not perfect. :(

[Tuxgal]

Well, I feel like you were trying to do the right thing. If your looking outside your relationship then it may be time to end it, or at least see what is wrong or not working in your current relationship. What you should not do, is continue to avoid your bf. I think you two need to talk and either work things out or break up. Your not married so he can't do anything to stop you if you decide you want to break up. But you can't continue on like that. I would advise you really try hard to make things work. 3 years is a long time, to simply walk away from.

[audreycsmith]

Dear Jessy: You are young, single, and entering another plateau in your life. It is natural for you to feel the way you are feeling. It was even more natural for you to break up with your boyfriend because of the way you feel about the other man (a co-worker at that). Most people in the world are in steady and even marital relationships, met on the JOB. I myself, am married to one of the people who was one of the people I worked for on the job. In fact, I had two people at the job that I was messing with. One, like yourself, I was on the verge of breaking up with, and the other one was my new start in a female/male relationship. We have been married now for 23 years. It hasn't been easy (the marriage), but I am still married to him. We have two beautiful girls, who are young adults now.

You are making one big mistake Jessy, and that is you are placing a challenge with your ex-b/f. You must end it, if that is what you want to do. Has the other person, the one on the job, has he now seen you in a different light yet, I mean does he want to now be with you, or is he with you now. You must be frustrated each and every day you see him. If your ex-b/f is still in love with you, tell him how you feel. It's not fair, and maybe he will give you some time. Explain to him that if you continue the relationship with him the way it was, it will surely end shortly. If he is willing to compromise with you and make changes for the better, than it is only fair that you asks him to give you a little time. Breaks in a relationship are healthy, and they must occur. Even if it means you take a week or two away from one another so that the point of missing each other is still there.

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