Cheaters?

[StuckOnBandaid]

I know this is a touchy subject with many people, but I'm wondering if any of you have been cheated on, or have cheated on someone.

If you were cheated on, how did you find out? How did you deal with it? Are you still together?

If you cheated on someone, why did you cheat and did you tell them you cheated or did they find out otherwise? Are you still together?

[Desire]

I am guilty of being a cheater, I was with someone and we were great, and I met someone else and it just happened so fast, well my boyfriend was checking my voicemail and found the messages and he confronted me, well you know how this ends.

[Sandy]

My ex husband cheated on me, I dumped him. And had a hard time trusting anyone after this. My new husband is almost perfect, but if he ever cheats, I will kill him!

[aqua]

I dumped my first boy friend. I never told him that my parents are separated when we dated. I stay with my mom I told him the truth when he proposed me for marriage. He thinks that I cheated him, but I don’t feel so what does he has to do with my parents. I dumped him, as he’s the first guy who made me to hate my father. As my mom never made me realize absence of father from my life.

[darkdreams]

I have never cheated on anyone, but have been cheated once. That was a lesson to me and the moment I learnt about it, I dumped the guy and all that we had went to the sewers! It hurts when people cheat on you, but this makes you stronger and more cautious.

[demonica75]

hi, i have been with my boyfriend for 8 yrs., we have lived together for 7. three weeks ago he cheated on me with a woman 17 yrs. older than him. i discovered it two weeks ago on the computer. he was a member of myspace.com, and he forgot one night, to erase it from history and he forgot to sing out. that is how I found out that his profile with his picture was there. he was chatting with 18 woman, it was all about sex, and then I started reading about the day he spent with a 47 yr old woman, there was a detailed sexual description about what they did together. I thought my life was over at that moment. It was 11:30 pm, I started crying, I felt like everything inside me started slowly dying. I had to stay strong for me. my crying was so loud, he woke up. he admitted to what he did. he did it on his day off, while I was at work.
I don't want to bore you guys with all the details. we talked a lot about it. first we were going to end our relationship. he said that he wasn't happy for a long time, that he was a bed person and I deserved someone better. i called off work next day so we could talk. he cried. didn't want me to leave. he said that now he realized that he really loves me and is in love with me. I told him that he will have to work really hard to make things better between us know, I will not trust him for a long time but i love him, so we'll stay together. I will never forgive him for what he did. I can only hope that he will stop chatting with oher women and not cheat again. i discovered his internet problem 6 years ago. i forgave him for chatting with women on the internet and phone many times before , i never trusted him 100%. he always got cought by me. maybe this time he will really change. maybe he needded to cheat on me to realize how much he loves me? am I an idiot for thinking that? i have so much love in me, but i can't be hurt again. right now, my heart is in pieces.
i am strong and i am going to get through this.

[Tuxie]

Hi demonica75,

Wow.... first of all, let me say you will get through it. We are here to help.

I've gone through a similar situation as you, with me being the 'cheater'. I was married for 20+ years. Long story short, the wife caught me into porn on the net. She was devestated. It tore apart our marriage. In the process, I found Tuxgal.

Trust is one of the essential foundations of any relationship. You've got to have it in order for a relationship to be successful. He's violated that trust. Will he change because of the events of the recent past? I don't know that... you don't know that. Only he can look deep inside his own heart and see what feelings he has. Deception has NO PLACE in a relationship.

I don't know if this has helped, I hope it has. We're here to listen if you need us.

[demonica75]

thank you for your kind and wise words. i just have to take one day a time, hoping that something good will come out of this situation. i know i can't watch every step my boyfriend makes, i can't control every second of his life to make myself feel more secure. i have to let it go, put that event on a side, but keep my eyes open. it will take a long time for me to heal, but if i want our relationship to work out i have to give him a last chance to show me how much he really loves me. i think i will always have a little fear in me when he is on the internet, i just can't think about it all the time, i have to stay busy and be happy, think about the positive things we have together.

thank you for your help.

[Tuxie]

You are welcome. Just a word of caution... I speak from experience here. Don't let the 'watching the bf' thing consume you. I've been on both sides of this. My wife had me locked up so tight that I couldn't do anything. And, in some ways, I've been the same way on occasion.

If you need anything else, either myself... Tuxgal... or Dave (Owner of ATLF) will be glad to listen and help if we can. Sometimes, it's good just to talk... ya know? ;)

[demonica75]

thanks again tuxguy.

i have to get going now. i am going to start some Christmas shopping.
it will put a smile on my face.
i am very glad that i have joined your forum.
have a great day and i will talk to you later.

[Tuxgal]

Yeah, you gotta be careful with that watching the boyfriend thing. I realize you don't trust him very much right now, but as you said you can't always watch him. If he's willing to try again, and he is genuinely remorseful, then try and give him another chance. I am very lucky. I once did something to betray Tuxguy's trust. He was wonderful and gave me another chance. It took a while but I am starting to earn back his trust. I know he is still kinda uncertain sometimes, but he's been very good about it and I appreciate it, and him very much. Lack of trust can kill a relationship. Good luck to you and your bf. As Tuxguy said...we're here if you need to talk. :) Hope you enjoyed your shopping. :D

[demonica75]

it is 1:23 am, just wanted to drop in for few minutes. both of your advices are great. thank you.
have a good night and sweet dreams.

[mashmac]

Demonica:
Imagine your life without him. You love him so you can forgive him. I really am not in the position to play the nice guy here because I cheated but I know I have it in me to forgive if it was the opposite scenario and if I was really in love.
I just couldn't imagine not being with them no matter what. And as for keeping him under close watch - well I don't think he expects the contrary. I am not sure how old you are but it sounds like you are grown-ups so if he cries and tells you he loves you i think he is telling the truth. i think i can imagine your pain. mine is similar but at the opposite end. you are not an idiot and i think you would hurt even more , so much more if you let go the man you love. don't.

StuckOnBandaid: I am a cheat - he was married I was too. We had agreed to make a live together but he changed his mind and broke my heart.

It was a mistake to get involved and I resisted for a long time but he told me he wouldn't give up on me so I gave in. I know, married man mostly don't leave their wifes. And he didn't. We are hardly in touch anymore. Most cheats probably get away with it. His wife doesn't know. And it might not be that bad - what you don't know can not hurt you and if he really loves his wife the last thing he wants is for her to hurt. It makes sense. Might be against the rules but why hurt someone if you can get around it. So there are a lot of happy ends.

Meanwhile in my universe - my husband knows I cheated - he knows only that and nothing else, who, how, how often, how long....We never went into details. He just felt it and confronted me and I admitted. First I was denying it but I guess I wasn't good at lying. He just knew. And he doesn't trust me anymore. If I even go out for a drink/dinner with a girlfriend he will make me understand that he thinks I was at it again. And he is constantly reminding me of it. I have learned to live with that. I think I have deserved it because I am a cheat.

Our marriage is now a sort of business deal. Keeping up appearances. And I tend to think that it will be like this forever for us.

In retrospect I ruined it all and wasn't smart enough to try and improve us before the affair. I was in desperate need of tenderness and affection and I wasn't getting it from my husband so I stopped desiring him and ended up having an affair. Bad move.

[aussiecoffee007]

i cheated on someone once, and it was the absolute WORST mistake of my life. my boyfriend found out because i told him, i felt so awful about it and needed to come clean, and we just talked about it and figured out why i did it (it was a one-time thing, one day) and he was completley fine with it. the other guy though started getting off on me (when i told him i couldnt do that anymore at all and it was a horrible mistake) on toying with his emotions and etc etc. so now he hates me, and turned half the school (if not more) against me. dont cheat. just trust me.