Girl with broken heart?

[FMT]

Hello everyone, new to this forum and this first post of mine is quite lengthy, so be warned :)

Met this girl almost 5 months ago and we started talking and seeing each other. We're in our early 20's, so it's not like we're that young also. She had broken up with her boyfriend, needless to say the guy was an a**hole and the breakup was nasty. She made it clear she never wanted to be with him ever again. But she was with hom for 2 years and it was her first, now she's heart broken over an a**hole and misses/loves him but does not want to be with him again. This came straight out of her mouth. She doesn't even want another relationship until she has completely moved on. We talk almsot every night for over an hour, go over her house to watch movies together, we've even been cuddling and a couple of kisses, nothing more.

I said okay and respect what she wants and that I understand (not really but okay...). She has said plan out that she likes me a lot, and compared to her ex I am better in almost every aspect imaginable from whatever angle you look at it. The thing though is that I would ahve normally quit right there but during the course of these 4 months I fell in love with her. I've told her how I felt and she's sorry that she's hurting me by not being ready for another relationship.

Now it's 5 months and she has been recently talking to her ex the past 4 weeks, not to get together, but as her way of "moving on." Her ex wanted to get together, and made it clear. But a week ago a friend of this girl announced that her ex and her were officially "together". Now the girl I've been seeing for the past 5 months is furious at her friend hooking up with the ex.

Now my question here is, does it really take 5 months or more for a girl to get over a horrendous relationship from **** she never wants to go back to? And she said she is mad at her friend for betraying her, I dont see anything wrong with her friend dating her ex if she didnt want him ever again and it has been 5 months. What the heck is going on?

Can anyone please help me, thanks.

[Lewski711]

Sounds like this young lady may know that it's the right thing to move on, but can't help but still have an attachment to her ex. They were together a long time. They invested a lot of themselves in each other. They have memories together. So, although she wants to move on, it can be hard. And, yes, five months is not unusual.

She's probably surprised with her reaction to her friend getting together with her ex. "Why should I be upsett with either of them? I'm over him... right?"

The truth is, that sometimes we hold on to memories of that first love all of our lives. It doesn't have to be a bad thing. This young lady is still hurting and is probably not ready to fully commit to you, but that doesn't mean she can't spend time with you, hanging out, watching videos and going on dates.

This new relationship with her ex might actually be a good thing for her (although obviously painful). It might help her get over him a bit sooner and be able to focus on moving on and her new life (with you).

Good luck.

[StuckOnBandaid]

Hi there.

First off, I can tell you're a really great and patient guy. :) You've been very supportive. She definately deserves you.

First loves are always hard to overcome no matter how good or bad they were, and I can understand how she feels because I've walked in her shoes. There's no set time limit on mending a broken heart but I truly think you have to believe her when she says that she misses him but does not want to be with him again.

I also think it's taking her so long to come around because she was obviously very hurt by him and she doesn't want to be hurt again. :( I don't blame her. Love is a very beautiful thing but sometimes we forget hearts are fragile.

This relationship with her ex is nothing to be worried about. It's closure for her I think, and she's getting to know what an @$$ he really is apparently. I know many people who have needed closure in this way.

I'm not particularly aware of male dating rules, but with most women (if they're a decent friend), it's almost taboo to date your friends ex, so I understand your girls anger. She needs to go through this. She's gonna come out of it appreciating you much more. She just needs time. I know it's hard to wait, but if you really think you love her or could love her, it's the right thing to do.:)

Good luck and keep us updated!

[FMT]

Well here's an update lol!

Now been 8 months. And she still isn't ready for a relationship.

We still hang out and cuddle and whatever. In baseball terms we have reached first base once and struck out every other time, which I'm completely 100% cool with. But we've had up and downs in regards with conversations that delved deep into her past relationship, and each and everytime we had one of these talks I initiated them because I wanted to know how far she's gone down the realm of moving on. Each time we have a talk like this she gets very upset also, but she understands where I'm coming from too.

She can't see herself with anyone at all right now, including me...even though I am the only guy she's seeing. Although the strength of my determination overpowers the pain in my heart, I don't know how much longer I can endure the pain.

Well that's the update.

Hopefully the new year will bring better news!

[EC]

You've never met this guy (from what you've told us), you don't really know if he's really all that crap that she told you about. You said she is still not ready for a relationship yet.

I bet that being strung along for 8 months wasn't fun for you, how much more time are you willing to waste waiting for her to call the shot? If she decides to call it a relationship 1 year later down the track, then good for you.

If not, you will need to be prepared and not resent her for it, which will be difficult to do.

Good luck and hope that she will finally make up her mind soon and end all your pain.

[FMT]

I can't put a time stamp on how much longer I can take it. Just like she can't put a time stamp on how long she'll be like this.

A guy can hope I guess, but she's definitely that 1 in a 1000 find and I'm willing to do whatever I can realistically do to get her.

She doesnt want to string me along and feels terrible doing it, but I chose to be strung and she knows that.

And yes, if we do not come together I will be hurt deep, very deeply...but if we do come together it would have been all worth it then some. It's that glimpse of hope that keeps me going, as stupid as it might sound.