He's Mine and He's Got Girlfriends

[AnnaBanana]

I started dating this guy a few months back. He is wonderful and seems to think the world of me, we both work and go to school and are always thinking of the future. A perfect match. One thing..he has girlfriends..nothing sexual..and not alot. It really didn't bother me til this weekend when an old "girl"friend came in from out of town and him and his girlfriends went out. I felt immediately unincluded..I think he realized this when he pity invited me to go.. I declined...and he still went. I've kinda been avoiding him ever since, he knows my feelings are hurt. I just dont know whether to think this is OK and I'm not going to make a big deal out of it..I trust him totally but the idea of him hanging out with girls while his girlfriend sits at home just doesn't sit good with me ...Any Ideas?

[feistychik]

This is an issue I had with my boyfriend as well. I think if you talk to him about it instead of avoiding the whole situation, it will make things better. Do you know of have you met the girls he's hanging around with? I think inviting you out of pity wasn't the right thing to do. You should have been included or at the least asked to be included in this get together when he found out she was coming. I think if you tell him that this hurt your feelings and that him going out with a bunch of girls without you kind of bothers you, he'll understand. Put him in your shoes...what if you went out with a bunch of guy friends and didn't ask him? I'm sure his feelings would be hurt as well. Even though you know nothing is happening, it's still in the back of your mind...what if...? Just talk to him about it!!! :o

[david616098]

I am a guy and have loads of girl friends and to me I dont even look at them in a sexual way they are just one of the boys but i realise a lot of my dates have a problem initially with it but after talking and including them in they realise we are friends and that is all there is to it.
I would suggest talking about it

[sassybritches72]

I would definitely talk to him about, let him know how he made you feel. and as far as him having female friends maybe he doesnt realize how bothered you are by things, if you open up and tell him how you feel, maybe he will spend more time with you, or invite you to go along, it might just be as simple as he doesnt realize you might enjoy going out with him and his other friends. And I do agree with the situation with the ex girlfriend, a "pity" invite was not the right way to handle things.

[darkdreams]

It is ok to have female friends so long they remain just friends. But no including you in the picture is not something to be done! To me, it sounds like those friends are more important that you are to him-he still went with them! Thats so rude!
Talk to him and straighten things out as to what concerns his "friends" and do make sure you let him know how hurt you are by his behaviour!Pity-inviting you was the worst thing that he could have ever done!

[lovelovelove]

I think this happens to a lot of women. I know my current boyfriend has several girlfriends and we first got together I encountered this situation. I think in my case I felt very insecure because the relationship was so new. I did talk to him about how I felt, and I was surprised at how well he reacted. He said that he didn't think that I'd be uncomfortable with it, and that he understood. He has felt the same way when I've gone out with male friends in the past, so although we are still friends with all of those people, we have made sure to include each other. If he hadn't been willing to include me, I definately would question the situation.

[emdar]

You need to be open with him, not avoid him. Tell him this is new territory for you and that you want to share your feelings with him both good and bad. When he asks to include you, the idea that it was a pity invite may have been in your head because you felt insecure, ask him if he really wants to include you. If he does then i think you have little to worry about and your insecurities should melt away.