the ex and best friend situation

[aussiecoffee007]

so, in my "do i have a right to be mad" thread this sort of goes off it...
i foudn out my ex invited her to a dance, and she said yes but made sure it was as friends... this still makes me really uncomfortable PLUS neither of them told me for two or three weeks--i had to be surprised when i asked her if she wanted to hang out before the dance.
im mad at him as well, because i got really ****** cuz he was tearing my friendship with the girl apart since i was always uncomfortable and stuff
then he just siad, "news flash: i dont care about you, f this, f you" i started crying, etc but now
im just at a loss... i dont know what to do. i want to cut all contact with him but it would be hard if we shared this friend.. but shes been my best friend for two years (but he claimed not to know that yeah right)

[daisychip]

I know this is hard dilemma for you aussie. I personally think that you shouldn't put yourself in situations to be around him unless you think you can stand it. Sadly, since they are going to be together at times this will eventually tear your friendship with her automatically. I'm personally p.o.'d that she has decided to do this after the two of you had talked. But if she feels something for him there's not much you can do but to wish her the best and find a different friend. I just don't think that the friendship could last, especially with the feeling you have about him. Which btw, I totally can understand and agree with. I guess I don't know exactly the situation with how much they'd be together so hopefully I'm off track a bit and will be able to find some kind of compromise. I guess I just don't have much hope if they're going to be dating.

Wishing you Brighter Days!

[lilcupid]

If I were in this situation I myself would be very hurt that my best friend did this to me as well. To me a best friends ex bf is a no go zone. As friends or as more. But the trouble is you can not control what either of them choose to do. Kinda makes me question what sort of friend she is in the first place to do this. Best thing to do as already stated is to wish them both good luck and bid them goodbye. To me that is not a true friend!!

[**Sapphire**]

I'm sorry your going through this rough time Aussie, it's not right.

To me, if she was any kind of REAL FRIEND she wouldn't even hang with your ex "as friends". Best friends have to stick together & for one another, not grab an ex & hang with them.

Personally & if I was in the situation you are in right now. Cut off all contact with BOTH of them, she needs to realize the meaning of being a REAL FRIEND & that this guy isn't worth throwing the friendship away. You know guys have that saying, "bros before hoes"? Well it's the same principal for girls, I don't care if they hang as friends, he's your EX, she's SUPPOSED to be your best friend & she's putting HIM before you & it's not right. :mad:

Think of it like this, turn the situation around, would you hang with her ex knowing it bothers her?

[aussiecoffee007]

thats what i think too, that an ex is off-limits... she says she made sure it was just as friends and she would never date him...but im still uncomfortable with it... i hope i can find a type of compromise because... i dont know... i dont think she is acting as a true friend either! and today i told her that i would enver do that to her and she said it was nice to have a guy pay attention to her but they are only freinds.
and NO i would never hang out with her ex, talk to her ex, especially after the way he has treated me, so... and i told her that but she said we were differnet people.
in fact, for girls, its chicks before dicks haha

[lilcupid]

"she said it was nice to have a guy pay attention to her but they are only freinds."

Nice to get attention from a guy? Find some other guy to get attention to I say!! Even SAYING something like that shows this girl has no loyalty at all.

[stoner]

she said we were differnet people.

Unfortunately ... she's right.

IMO, friends may be two different individuals with his/her own taste and preferences, but a best friend is supposed to be someone who should be looking out for the well-being of a friend, whether it be through the good times or the bad times. Since you had stated that her being with your ex is making you uncomfortable, but still ignored your pleas, then she is not your best friend. In my book she's more of a good or better friend, but not a best friend.

At this point, there's nothing you can do about it. She is after all, a different person from you, and she claimed that she enjoys the attention that she's receiving from your ex. All you can do now is to guide her with the best advice you can provide, and only hope that she will make the right decision.

Good luck.

[aussiecoffee007]

thanks... i guess we sort of worked it out, but you guys are right, she cant really be my best friend if we arent on the same page with that kind of stuff.

plus i think saying she liked the attention from my ex was weird but whatever
i just told her that i woudl never do this to her, and she said if you were friends with the guy with the same amount of time and then we broke up and i said, yeah, after 2 years go on, and she said, i would hope you wouldnt stop beign friends with him.
and i said, yeah youre right i probably wouldnt stop being, until eh started treating you the way this ex is treating me, and then i wouldnt want to be around him anymore anyway.

[daisychip]

True enuff aussie..............I woldn't even wanna be around the guy if he treated my best friend badly. She's odd........maybe not very confident?

[aussiecoffee007]

so, it ends up that they started datign about three weeks ago.
thinking about it makes me sick

he said that he didnt like her anymore, she said a week before that she was in love with a differnet guy.
my ex told me that she told him this too, so he doesnt thikn she was lying to me.

but i just cant stand it.

[**Sapphire**]

What a rotten friend to do this to you Aussie, I'm sorry to hear this.

If I were you, I wouldn't be talking to her for a good long time. If you do continue to hang out & talk to her, it's only going to hurt you more & more.

[aussiecoffee007]

i decided im not going to talk to her for a while--the problem is she is best friends with all the rest of my friends and i dont want to lose ANOTHER friend group because of this damn guy.

the ex and i hung out yesterday for the first time in a while, just spent 3 hours talking in his car about our relationship, what was good what went wrong what we were sorry for..
.really bad idea
cuz it brought back all these feeelings

[Tony]

I am so sorry to hear this Aussie
some friend she turned out to be
my heart goes out to you mate