Breaking Up and Staying Friends

[harley]

I have been dating this guy for 1 1/2 years now. When we started dating we agree that if the relationship did not work that we would have to remain friends because he is an employee of my dad. While things did not turn out like either one of us thought they would have. It started out as friends and we ended up falling in love with each other. I feel really hard for this guy he is such a great person. Well things changed,he decided that maybe we should not see each other as much anymore. He said he still loved me but there were things that he needed to deal with. It had nothing to do with me personal things. He still wanted to be friends. I have no problem being his friends, I would rather be his friend than lose him all together. He still calls and comes over for dinner. He says he still loves me. My problem is how do I let go the wonderful relationship we had and be his friend? I am there for him when he needs me, I act like I am ok with it but I am not when i leaves me it just breaks my heart. I asked him how he deals with it and it appears that he feels the same way I do. He accepts the fact that we are just friends but it hurts him also. I tried staying away from him but thats not the answer . I miss him so much. How do I change my feelings for him and deal with the fact that he is just my friend now??

[david616098]

How about you let him know how you feel and that you are finding it hard to let go cause in the long run eventually you are going to have to deal with watching him with a girlfriend if you remain friends.
If there is no chance of getting back together you need to get over him first before you can consider being friends.

[sassybritches72]

If he has things he needs to deal with, will he let you help him thru his problems? If he is able to resolve his issue then maybe he could focus on a relationship. I also think I would want to know if means this to be permanent or would he like to continue the relationship when he is more able to deal with one.

[lovelovelove]

I have to say that I agree with both responses. I think what you need to do is talk to him about it. Ask him if when his personal problems are dealt with if he thinks he would like to continue a relationship with you. If he doesn't think that's possible, you have to take care of your heart, and yourself. Relationships aren't easy to get over, especially when you really love them. If there is no chance of getting back together, distance yourself. In the end it will be easier to become friends again.

[Julie]

I cant really comment because it really depends on you guys and if you feel that you can put the past as it is, but its going to be hard, but you should have some time to yourself before any further contact.

[Jody]

this very thing happened to me....He wanted to be friends. There was no way i could just be his friend. he broke things off and i was still very much in Love with him. I wasen't able to be with him and not get the attention form him that i use to. So I made a clean break. there a lot of ''friends'' out there for me. I let 6 mo go by then i text message him, i still cared for him but felt that i was ready for just a friendship. He called me and ended up going to a concert together about a week later. I agreed to meet him at a park and ride and drive in together but he insisted on picking me up at my house. getting back together with him was not my intent but he decided that he could not live without me and we have been together ever since. I think that if i would have seen him in the beginning just as friends he would have had his cake and got to eat it so to speak. In that 6mo i was out dating other guys I would have been very uncomfortable sharring that with his as friends, if you know what i mean. So i guess absence does make the heart grow founder. And if i had to do it again i would do the same and if he never came back so be it but, the other way is to hard.

good luck..,

[Tuxie]

I've never been able to see close, intimate mates as 'friends'. Once I've shared my soul, my life, and sexual relationships... it's just almost next to impossible for me to 'kick down' into friend mode. It's a tough thing to do. Good luck to you.

[Tuxgal]

I would tend to agree. It can work sometimes, but only if the relationship wasn't very long or very serious. But once you've truly given your heart to someone, it's hard or impossible to be friends. I know you don't want to not see him at all, but it may come down to that. Tell him that you'll be around when he's ready for a relationship. Until then, I'd make myself scarce...

[mashmac]

I agree - it's very hard to remain friends. Civilized perhaps after a while and probably always a bit of a soft spot. But real friends? I don't think so.

[Daisy duke]

I have been dating this guy for 1 1/2 years now. When we started dating we agree that if the relationship did not work that we would have to remain friends because he is an employee of my dad. While things did not turn out like either one of us thought they would have. It started out as friends and we ended up falling in love with each other. I feel really hard for this guy he is such a great person. Well things changed,he decided that maybe we should not see each other as much anymore. He said he still loved me but there were things that he needed to deal with. It had nothing to do with me personal things. He still wanted to be friends. I have no problem being his friends, I would rather be his friend than lose him all together. He still calls and comes over for dinner. He says he still loves me. My problem is how do I let go the wonderful relationship we had and be his friend? I am there for him when he needs me, I act like I am ok with it but I am not when i leaves me it just breaks my heart. I asked him how he deals with it and it appears that he feels the same way I do. He accepts the fact that we are just friends but it hurts him also. I tried staying away from him but thats not the answer . I miss him so much. How do I change my feelings for him and deal with the fact that he is just my friend now??


harley..i understand what your saying .....if i was you i would rather be frineds than have nothing ...keep it cool..an if its ment to be it ll find a way ..love does ...x good luck