Need advice on my girlfriend.

[SouthernBoy88]

Hey Yall,
This is a long story with questions at the end, i really need advice so please bare with me.
Mine name is Mike, im from South Carolina. My girlfriend and i were going out for about 10 months when i had to break up with her for reasons involving friends and family. My momma was sick and i had to take off school to see her and alot of other drama. It was dumb because i should've trusted her to be there for me, i guess im used to being a loner in times of touble. But neway i thought we had love and i thought she might wait for me for alil till everything got ok. But like 2 weeks after we broke up she went out with this guy from her Night School and they had sex but she stopped it because she felt wrong. Then she lied to be about it first saying she was out with friends, then saying she just made out with him, i didnt find out for over 3 weeks what really happened and i had to find out from the kids brother who i know. She denied it until i told her how i found out. I was so sad. Then she got with another dude about 2-3 weeks after that. We were talking about getting together around this time but i did say to experiment to see if she wanted to be with me and felt good. I didnt think she would actually do it. But now i found a set of notes in her notbeook and her and this kid were talking about having sex and if he comes to visit he can stay over. I really love her but i feel like i have to let her go. Whenever i try and say its over for good she stops me and says she's sorry but she keeps screwing up and i cant think of life without her. Theres alot more lil stuff like she acts different and stuff now. But i still love her soo much like im willing to forget everything and still try but when i ask her if she wants to get back together she says yea very much but not right now. What should i do? She says she loves me more then anything or anyone ever but im so confused... I play football 8 hours a day, plus work so having to think about this all the time is killin me because i dont know what to do.

[~Teej~]

This is a hard situation for you...You are in love with her and I think she feels for you as well but she doesn't want to be settled down in a relationship at the moment.

I think that she likes the idea of being able to be with who she likes and enjoys seeing other people and not being tied down to just once person.

Also you play football 8 hours a day plus working..That's a lot of time..Do you spend enough time with her when you were together...Maybe she feels like she took second place to your football when you were together..?..

I don't know of course..this is only a suggestion.

Welcome to the forum as well and I hope that we are able to help you here..Also if you put spaces in your posts it makes it a lot easier to read ;)

[SouthernBoy88]

We spent everyday together when we went out be4, and now like whenever i say i wanna move on she knows i party alot and i would get with another girl, BUT its not fair if she can do that when WE'RE TALKING! and i cant even if i want to split up. I slept over her house last night and she wouldnt even let me leave when i found the notes. I almost had to call up some football buddies to come get me. Id but thanks for the welcome :)

[stoner]

But i still love her soo much like im willing to forget everything and still try but when i ask her if she wants to get back together she says yea very much but not right now. What should i do? She says she loves me more then anything or anyone ever but im so confused...

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I understand that you really care about her, but the fact that she screw things up for you on an on-going basis, is more than a red flag to stand back and start thinking twice before going any further. I hate to be upfront with this, but if I were you, I would avoid this girl like an infectious illness. Yes, it's quite alright to be able to take some time off when things are not going right. We're only human to have such stressful feelings, and we commit out fair share of mistakes. But that does not necessarily mean that it's alright to engage in consciously-inappropriate physical contact with another person.

Walk away from this person, and for the time being, focus on your work and interests to get your mind off her. This is the time when it's alright to be labeled as being a "snob" "workaholic" "antisocial" etc. As per your post, you love to play football ... keep it up! Who knows, when you become the star player of a team someday, you will have plenty of admirers that will overshadow this one woman who broke your heart. If you have other hobbies and/or interests beside football, check it out once again, and perhaps it might reignite that talent that you thought no longer existed.

As John Mayer once sang: "I just found out there's no such thing as the real world; just a lie you have to rise above," do exactly that. The only attitude you can change to avoid falling further off the deep end with this relationship fiasco is your own. Good luck.

[**Sapphire**]

Welcome to ATLF!! Glad that you joined us! :)

This is a hard situation, best advice I could give you is to let her go completely. I agree with Teej in that she seems to not want to be tied down to any 1 guy. She seems to want the benefits of relationships, but not have the WHOLE relationship. If this is hurting you, it's only going to continue to hurt you & much more.

When/If you decide to let her go, no contact at all is probably best. Since when you try to break up, she clings to you.

Best of luck to you! :)

[daisychip]

I have just a quick thought for you to consider.

You have made it 'ok' for her to be free wheelin' a few times by not sticking with your "true" feelings about the rrelationship.

You broke up with her expecting that she should wait for you. Told her to 'experiment' thinking that she shouldn't or wouldn't and are now sad that she chose to carry on in her dating life. I'm not saying you don't have a right to your feelings but I am saying that you have to take part of the responsibility for them. You need to 'first', know what you want from her and 'second', be honest about it.

I do think that she may not be as interested in a platonic relationship as you would like her to be........as Teej has said..........and if your likely to get with some girl just being out partyin' even if you did break-up, then I will be bold and suggest the same for you.

Maybe you both should just do some more 'experimenting' before you decide to be committed to each other or s/o else.

[SouthernBoy88]

I think this advice is seriosuly some of the best ive ever GOTTEN my confidence sky-rocketed after reading this. The point is about me partying and stuff is i didnt get with anyone (which is very different from before we went out) I waited for her to get things off ehr chest but now its too far. But thanks you all SOO much.