Am I wrong???

[JayGee24]

Hi all,

I just joined this forum a few weeks ago and have spent a lot of time reading different posts. I decided to offer my situation for some advice.

I have been married and divorced twice and in a serious relationship. All of these relationships failed for some reason or another. For the past 2 years I have been single and have become accustomed to living on my own.

Low and behold, when I least expected it, I met a terrific man at my work. I was actually keeping an eye on him for a while. Exactly 4 weeks ago today, we started talking at length about "stuff." One thing led to another and we ended up exchanging phone numbers.

He called me that evening and we have spoken every single day atleast twice over the past 4 weeks. Then there are the many, many text messages and terms of endearment that we share.

Ok, so now here is the issue:

We have not been on our first date. He tells me that he wants to spend time with me, be with me, and I am exactly what he wants, but yet no alone time yet. He says it is because of his heavy work schedule and some personal issues that have been going on in his life lately.

After 3 weeks of this, I asked him if he was really interested in pursuing anything with me and his response was an astounding, "Absolutely, Sweetie." I told him that I didn't feel like he had time to invest. I am not looking for a weekend or anything, just an hour for dinner. He promised that we would go out real soon.

Well, another week has passed and still no mention of going out.

Another thing, he never calls in the evenings and very, very rarely on the weekends. I started to suspect that he was married or in a relationship. I acutally asked him about that and he reassured me that he was NOT. He dotes on the fact that he hates head games and dishonest people.

Am I asking for too much? I want to know what direction (if any) we are headed. Through our conversations, we are so compatible and have so much in common.

I took the initiative this week and asked him if I could make him dinner on Saturday night. He said yes. My fear is that "something" will come up and he will have to cancel (this has happened when we made other attempts to go out.)

I apologize for being so long-winded, but I am trying so hard to NOT pressure him and end up losing him. I want to build something with him (or atleast see if there is something there to build).

Any suggestions (from both the men and women) would help me deal with this. I do not want to give up, I just want to understand what the deal is.

Thanks

Karen

[**Sapphire**]

Wow Karen hun, I had a whole lot of red flags going off as I read your post. He don't talk to you in the evenings, weekends & he has broken other dates that have been made. He also has been talking to you for a month, likes you, etc., etc., but has yet to go out on a date with you?

Sorry to say this, but I have a strong feeling his is married or he is living with a woman.

You typed that you met him at work, so he is a co-worker. Have you seen him around alot before you 2 started talking? Have you seen him working long hours? Also, is the type of job he has require all these long hours he has told you about? What are some of the excuses he has given you when he has broken dates before?

I'm trying to get a better handle here by asking you those questions. Honestly though I really do think he is married or in a relationship where he lives with the woman.

[Melissa]

Either he is a guy that wants to take things very slow or he very possibly could be involved in a relationship and that could be the reasons for him not calling you during evening hours.

Id give him a chance for this Saturday night,but if he cancels again i would really suspect him being involved in a relationship.

[JayGee24]

Thanks for the posts. Sapphire asked about some questions.

I met him at work, but he does not work at my office. He works for my company and makes deliveries every week. He actually works for a vendor of ours and comes to the office every Thursday.

As for excuses, I really feel like these are valid reasons:

1.) He had to work 2 weekends straight (12 hours each day) on a special project for his company.

2.) His deceased mother's memorial service was held on week 3 about 300 miles away. (I actually was present when he was talking to his sister on the phone about this one.)

3.) His father who is in a nursing home fell and had to be taken to the hospital for observation and he needs to spend the night at the hospital with him. (I actually called the hospital he said his father was at and they have no record of anyone with his last name)

I would hate to think that he would come up with issues like these as excuses to NOT see me. Also, his 18 year old daughter lives with him. I think that may be an issue for him.

We did have a lunch date the day after we exchanged phone numbers and it was wonderful. He has been to my apartment once (to pick me up for lunch) so he knows where I live. I only know the intersection of where he lives.

Maybe he is just taking things really slow???? Maybe I am over-thinking???? I just want to know if any of this sounds "normal?" My best friend is a little suspicious.

Your opinions are welcomed.

Thanks,

Karen

[stoner]

Looks like he is expressing his interest in you, but unfortunately (for whatever reason), the nature of the current circumstances are not working in his favor. If I were in your shoes, I would treat the situation as two people being acquainted with each other. No more than that (at least for now). My concern is that *if* you continue to have high hopes for this man, and it turns out that it's not what it meant to be in the first place, you just might end up getting hurt. In the meantime, enjoy the friendship that you two are enjoying in the here and now. When he is ready to be in a serious relationship, he will let you know. Good luck.

[daisychip]

If you are properly convinced this man is not married or in a relationship JayGee....which I don't really see how you can be but I'll go with how you feel and try to stay with giving him the benefit of the doubt.

The first thing I'll say in his favor is that, I know that working in delivery can be very taxing and tireing. People DO work long hours in this and if your guy hasn't been in the dating market for awhile, he may be stuck in the mode of relaxing at home and finding it hard to break free and thrust out some extra energy for you.

He may not have the same last name as his father so I wouldn't worry about that too much. There could be several reasons for that. I would hope too that he would not make up things like that.

The other weekends are accounted for so what we're left with is evenings. Like I said he really may be working long hours and has his daughter whom I would guess, IS a concern, so he may be just trying to work it out in his 'guy' way to let her know he's found s/o that interests him.

There is one bad thing I'd like to point out.......people that make a huge point out of things they dislike in people, are usually the ones that possess those 'qualities'. ( This is the biggest red flag I seen in your post. ) Just something to think about.

Anyway, I would hold out hope for the dinner and if it falls through, I would cut back on the flirting and see what happens. He may just be getting his ego stroked and doesn't have any real plans for more or he'll 'make' time for you somehow. You can still be friendly but if you're not getting what you expected why waste time.

[JayGee24]

There is one bad thing I'd like to point out.......people that make a huge point out of things they dislike in people, are usually the ones that possess those 'qualities'. ( This is the biggest red flag I seen in your post. ) Just something to think about.

Thanks for your comment Daisychip. One question, I am not sure I understand this part of your reply. Can you please explain what you mean?

Thanks

[~Teej~]

On reading your post hun it seems to me that he is involved with someone..If he was truly into you like you say he is he has no reason to not ring you in the evenings...I would ring someone I was into to.

Be careful how you go about this...If he is into you then ask him to make the effort to get to know you and spend time with you..If he doesn;t seem to do this then move on and try to find someone that can give you the time.

I still feel from what you have posted before that he is marrried or in a relationship...i'm sorry but that is the vibes I get from your first post

[**Sapphire**]

As others have said, maybe see what happens with this next date that you 2 made. If he comes up with another excuse, it might be time for you to back down a little bit. Maybe change things up to being friends.

If he's not with someone & he is just busy, etc., then you deserve more than that, you've both been talking, texting for a month & not much MORE has happened, you know?

[daisychip]

I'll try to give an example and maybe that will help you to understand what I mean..............I can't stand people that are 'bullheaded' and always have to be right.....the reason?.............because "I AM" that person, I am very headstrong and when in disagreement, always feel I am right..........which I usually am....lol. But seriously.....

I've always thought of like this.........when I feel envious of s/o, I think, well they have something I do not possess. I am envious of people that are patient, I do not have this quality. and the oppossite is true when I dislike something in s/o.....I dislike it because 'I have the something' and wish I didn't. I have to make a conscience effort not to exhibit or act on the qualities I don't like about myself and an effort to learn and acquire the qualities I want.

But when people don't realise these things about themselves, they tend to go around spouting about what they don't like in others, having and acting on those very things within themselves and if they get called on it, disregard it as unimportant.

I hope I have made a little clearer for you that which I think you should consider with this man.

[daisychip]

I just thought of this...........my bf (ex now again)(jesus)is like your guy............always spouting about how he hates liars..................EVERYTIME I turn around, I am catching him in a lie...........he hates games too, lol...................I am STILL catching him up in his own games..................

Example: He told me once, when I asked him to stop communicating with his ex because I was insecure about it, that he would. He did for awhile until we got into a fight once and then he IM'd her and was chatting with her daily til I found out, then he said.............I just did it to piss you off. (Lies AND game all rolled into one.) This very scenario has played out over and over and over with him. This is not the only thing, I could give story after story, up to and including how we just recently thought we we're gonna become engaged and things were gonna be blissful, blah blah, and I exhibited some cold feet and what did he do?......got in contact with the ex......AGAIN.......after not talking to her in months..........she lives in the same city he wanted me to move to eventually. This was the very reason I got cold feet.......he knew it........I told him......and what did he do?........the very thing I said I was afraid of, that he'd get mad at me there and go hang out with her, just to piss me off. He invited her to the band debut that we are suppose to go to Aug. 18th. Needless to say, I'm done with him. Chalkin' it up to a close call.

Anyway, sorry! Didn't mean to get into my sad tale but it's a prime example..........that's why I know it so well.

[~Teej~]

Oh dear Daisy chip, whats happened ?

[daisychip]

I hope you will be coming back to let us know what transpired for this evening. I hope to hear that everything 'suspicious' to us and all my thoughts were wrong. I always want to hope s/o else will find their 'one'.