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Autumngurl
08-03-2007, 03:39 PM
So I am new here, and this is not easy for me to post. I'm sorry if this is long...
I have been working at my company for about 3 1/2 years now, about 2 1/2 years ago I met the man who is now my boss. Since I met him I have found him attractive, but I never thought anything of it. I have changed positions so I can be his personal assistant. I have only been working for him personally for 6 months now.
When I met him he and I always seemed to get along well, we chatted and laughed and just had fun together. I was unhappy in my position so when the opportunity to work for him came up I approached him and he hired me.
We worked very well together and our business has almost doubled in the 6 months we have worked together. The type of work we are in kinda of consumes your life and so we have worked very close for long hours and really were able to ggrow even closer. We would talk about anything and everything. It was only a couple months when I realized I could trust him with anything. He has become my best friend.
About 2 months ago we were at a company golf tournament. We went together and so after the event he was driving me home. We all had a few drinks throughout the day, so while talking we seemed to open up a little more. It was on this night that we admitted there was something more between us then just our friendship and work relationship. Since then we have grown very close, work has somehow even gotten easier and we are doing even better, we talk all the time. He sends me messages when he isn't in the office telling me how much he misses me. There is a very strong connection between us.
Now I know that interoffice relationships is a no-no on its own. What makes me feel even worse and makes this situation even more... unacceptable I suppose. My boss is married and expecting his first child. While it is no excuse, his wife is not there for him like he needs. She leaves town for the cottage for weeks at a time, she doesn't take any interest in his business, they have only been married for 2 years and he is just not completely happy.
I am trying to fight the feelings I have for him, I want him to be happy. I know it seems selfish of me to stay working for him, but this is my career, and working for him is the best thing for my career. It is just hard to keep my feelings from him to myself, the more time we spend together, the more he shares himself with me, the more I fall for him. I don't want to ruin his marriage, but I have never had something like this with anyone and it would break my heart to have this end.
What do I do?

**Sapphire**
08-03-2007, 03:50 PM
First of all WELCOME to ATLF!! I'm glad that you joined & decided to post! :)

Second, this may not be what you want to read, but he's married. Nothing good can really come of you 2 being together since he is married. No future, not much of anything but the little bits of time you have with him now. Not only that, what if his wife finds out? She may be able to ruin both of your careers, you just never know what she can or may be capable of if she were to find out.

Have you 2 talked about a future together? Has he told you that he's wanting to divorce his wife? If so, has he taken any steps to starting the divorce?

I would suggest to let him go, try your hardest to re-group your relationship into a working, business only relationship. If it's too hard for you or the both of you to re-group then maybe you just might have to look for something else in the field you are doing now.

Sorry if this isn't what you want to read, but in the long run him being married will spell disaster for you & you both.

~Teej~
08-03-2007, 04:32 PM
I'm sorry to say that I have to agree..Please don't get involved with him anymore than you are..I can only see you getting hurt..He is married and is having a child..You need to take a step back and tell him that you can only be his friend..

You may like him a lot and he make like you but he is not avaliable.

Take a step back and try to think about how you would feel if you were in his wife's situation?..She is pregnant and doesn't deserve to be left on her own at this difficult time in her life..

I'm sorry if this comes across a little harsh, I don't mean to be..It's just whenever I get feelings for someone who is not avaliable I try to think of how I would feel if I was the wife/girlfriend etc and that seems to make things make sense.

Autumngurl
08-03-2007, 05:54 PM
so even if he is the one that has pursued this you think there is no chance? I know the odds of it working are against me, but it honestly seems like we have a potential future together. Things are not going to happen overnight. I really try to keep it all to myself, but it is hard when we are together every day, and he says he just wants me to be all his.

**Sapphire**
08-03-2007, 06:14 PM
I think that is very selfish of him to say he wants you to be all his. He has a wife to go home to. Sure according to him, they don't have much of a marriage, BUT he still has someone to come home to at night. Not only that a new addition to their family.

Even if he pursued it I still do think there is a big chance of there not being a future for you 2 & things possibly ending wrong. I'm sorry, but from past experiences with friends & also reading like stories online, they never seem to work out when 1 person is married.

Autumngurl
08-03-2007, 09:27 PM
Please dont be sorry. I came here for honesty. I know this is not the best situation. And if someone came to me I would be advising against the whole situation as well. It is just so different when you are the one in the situation. The one whose feelings are all wrapped up in this other person. It sucks to fall for the one person you can't truly have:( And while I know all that... I dontknow how to stop it

mashmac
08-03-2007, 10:54 PM
It's very hard to fight the feelings you have and do the common sense thing and walk away cause he is taken. Experience tells us that married men rarely leave their wife. And she is also expecting.
Wishing you to belong to that privileged category where you won't get hurt but most likely you will. How to stop it? Fall out of love... And I don't know how that's done...

aussiecoffee007
08-04-2007, 12:17 AM
yeah, i hate to say it, but... if he was only your boss, id say go for it and screw the no interoffice dating thing, and if it doesnt work out you coudl just quit... but i think as long as he remains married in a lifetime commitment to her, you have to stop yourself... if he leaves her, different story.... if he is that unhappy he will separate from her soon, especially if you are in the picture... but yeah, imagine how youd feel, with a baby on the way and finding out your husband has been spending late hours in an affair with his personal assistant... it would destroy her and the child as well... his/her father would never be the same when he grows up, etc... id restrain until something happens in his marriage.

Riggs
08-04-2007, 02:40 AM
It's always best not to mess with anyone that is married.

Autumngurl
08-06-2007, 05:00 PM
I know you are all right, and i have know that all along. How do you stop your feelings for someone. I would give anything just to make him happy. I would hide every feeling if that would make him happy, I would leave my job if that would make him happy. I would b best friends with my worst enemy if that made him happy. So if spending time with me now is what is making him happy, how do I make him happy but also keep my distance?
I feel awful and at the same time more happy and loved then I have ever felt before. It is so ... strange